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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you havent had a daughter/son and really wanted one

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

 1st off I want to say I have one son and I always wanted a son 1st I adore little boys .BUT after him my DH and I found out we may never be able to have more and its breaking my heart. I am so thankful for the child I do have hes the love of my Dh and I life but I always have longed for a daughter as well. Like I have always felt I  am meant to be the mother of a daughter . I just  feel lost like one of the greatest desires in my life may never happen and as much as I try to just pick up the pieces and move on and really enjoy what we have now my mind keeps going back to that longing for the daughter I will never have . Just yesterday I was in the store and all the Christmas dolls were out and I thought of sharing that time playing dolls with my mom and thought I will never have that experience Christmas morning or buying her a pretty Christmas dress and I almost broke down right there in the middle of the store .Just really that mother daughter bond and just  any of the things you do with daughters I have looked forward to my whole life .

 I don't know how to get passed this feeling because the longing for a daughter has been a part of me as long as I can remember .

 I know you all may suggest adoption and actually I am totally for it but my DH doesn't want to go that route 1 because he doesn't think we will ever get chosen because he is older and 2 because hes had friends that havent had the greatest experience  with adoption 1 finally got a child after waiting for yrs and yrs  that child ended up being severely autistic and he said if it was his biologically he knows he would love it regardless but he feels like if it wasn't and there was something wrong he wouldn't bond and he wouldn't want to do that to a child ever (I don't understand what the difference is but I respect him for being honest about his feelings with me ) and another of our friends have had 2 bio moms change their minds at the signing and is worried about putting me through that .

 I just don't know how to move on anybody have to deal with this either way wanting a son and not having on or wanting a daughter and never having one does that longing ever really go away ? I feel like this realization of never having more kids and a daughter esp is a hurt that will forever effect the rest of my life and I just dont know how to feel better about it

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM
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Replies (1-8):
onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Not being able to have the children you've been dreaming of your entire life is a loss.  Loss needs to be recognized and dealt with.  I honestly think that your feelings could be dealt with by the help of a therapist. 

If you're not willing to go to therapy, try writing a goodbye letter to the daughter you'll never have telling her how much you love her and will miss her.  My therapist was always having me write letters to dead people, it was astonishingly helpful. 

KennyPooPoo22
by Platinum Member on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:14 PM
I really want a boy, we have a DD already and this will be our last baby. If it isn't a boy I think we will probably feel incomplete. I don't think it ever goes away, there is always that feeling that something is missing.
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:18 PM
I have the occasional twinge, because I lost a girl. But I've just put it aside and been realistic about the fact I shouldn't have any more children. I'm not saying your feelings of wanting a girl aren't valid or are unrealistic. But if you can't come to an agreement with your dh the best advice I can give you is just try and put it to the back of your mind. Sometimes there's no other way.
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:20 PM
What were you advised to do with the letters?


Quoting onethentwins:

Not being able to have the children you've been dreaming of your entire life is a loss.  Loss needs to be recognized and dealt with.  I honestly think that your feelings could be dealt with by the help of a therapist. 

If you're not willing to go to therapy, try writing a goodbye letter to the daughter you'll never have telling her how much you love her and will miss her.  My therapist was always having me write letters to dead people, it was astonishingly helpful. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:21 PM

I secretly yearn for a daughter... I'm about to have my 3rd boy... no way we could afford to adopt a child although I would love to adopt a little girl... I'll love my little boy regardless but I just always thought with 2 i'd get my wish...oh well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:30 PM

I get the whole being realistic and just moving forward  becasue I have always been able to do that with everything even terrible situations I have always been able tojust deal with what is and get passed it .I normally and this happy carefree go with the flow person  that can deal with most situation in a positive way . And even after trying to have another one for yrs and not being successful I think one moment I am ok because honestly I have a great life an amazingly handsome and loving husband we aremore than  financially secure and a great son really I have nothing to complain about and then all of the sudden I see little girls in stores or just sometime I  am not even thinking about it and all the sudden I am just as devastate about it as the day we found out we couldn't have more kids it just comes out of no where .


Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

I have the occasional twinge, because I lost a girl. But I've just put it aside and been realistic about the fact I shouldn't have any more children. I'm not saying your feelings of wanting a girl aren't valid or are unrealistic. But if you can't come to an agreement with your dh the best advice I can give you is just try and put it to the back of your mind. Sometimes there's no other way.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 11, 2013 at 2:39 PM

 That's really what I feel like ,like the life I dreamed of a has died with not being able to have more kids .I think a apart of me has out of seeking a counselor because I don't want to tell my DH how much this is still effecting me and I need help dealing with it because tech the issue is him and when we found out why he dealt with a ton of guilt he felt likehe let me down in the worst way and hes such a great man that would do anything for anyone esp his family  that it hurt me so much to see him beating himself up over a medical issue he could in no way control that I am afraid of opening up old wounds he finally been able to heal himself .I just love him so much that I am afraid to really let him in on me still hurting over something he feels responsible for I don't feel that way but I know he does .


Quoting onethentwins:

Not being able to have the children you've been dreaming of your entire life is a loss.  Loss needs to be recognized and dealt with.  I honestly think that your feelings could be dealt with by the help of a therapist. 

If you're not willing to go to therapy, try writing a goodbye letter to the daughter you'll never have telling her how much you love her and will miss her.  My therapist was always having me write letters to dead people, it was astonishingly helpful. 


 

onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Nov. 11, 2013 at 3:00 PM


I don't remember and honestly I think I just threw them away. You could burn it, or  tie it to a balloon and send it off into the atmosphere, or keep it in a box. 

Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

What were you advised to do with the letters?


Quoting onethentwins:

Not being able to have the children you've been dreaming of your entire life is a loss.  Loss needs to be recognized and dealt with.  I honestly think that your feelings could be dealt with by the help of a therapist. 

If you're not willing to go to therapy, try writing a goodbye letter to the daughter you'll never have telling her how much you love her and will miss her.  My therapist was always having me write letters to dead people, it was astonishingly helpful. 




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