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Shocked over what my son asked me last night...EDIT

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:34 AM
  • 293 Replies
3 moms liked this
My son is five. His biological father was only around for the first few months of his life. I raised him alone until he was 2 1/2. My now husband came in to the picture and has loved him and treated him as his own ever since. We got married when my son was 3, and my husband adopted him when he was 4.

I should mention that my son has autism (probably Aspergers), and that he barely spoke at the time my husband came in to the picture. He has responded so well to treatment, and he is now advanced in his expressive language. I only mention this because we obviously had no idea how much he understood when my husband came around.

So here is the point of the post: last night, when I was kissing him goodnight, my son asked, "Was Dad not around when I was a baby because you hadn't married him yet?" I was totally speechless and a bit shocked. I was unprepared so I just said, "Well, your dad and I got married two years ago and you were born five years ago." And we changed the subject.

I have always planned to be honest with my son that he has a different biological father. I just wasn't expecting it to come up at this age. He is very smart and perceptive. I just don't know how to go about explaining it to him without getting in to reproduction. He has asked how his baby sister got in my tummy, but I didn't get in to specifics obviously.

Does anyone have any advice on what words to use to appropriately explain this to a 5-year-old? I don't want to wait too long to tell him the truth because I don't want him to feel lied to and be resentful.

EDIT:
Just to clarify, when my son asked how his sister got in my tummy I did tell him the basics. He knows what a penis, vagina, egg, and sperm are. We just didn't talk about how the egg and sperm meet- we didn't discuss sex. I have no problem being honest, I just want to choose my words wisely because this boy has an amazing memory and I am sure he will repeat whatever I tell him at school. Sorry for the confusion.
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Yogamom08
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:34 AM
Sorry it's so long!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Bump. I'm wanting some advice here too. I don't really know.
Yogamom08
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Thanks for the bump. I am so confused.

Quoting Anonymous:

Bump. I'm wanting some advice here too. I don't really know.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:38 AM
16 moms liked this

just tell him his daddy and you didn't get along, so you didn't live together anymore...then you met his daddy he has now, and that is his baby sis's daddy too...when he gets older, you can go into detail more

Pink.Punk.23
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:39 AM
3 moms liked this

he's five, wait until he is a bit older.  i don't think he is quite old enough for that talk just yet.  I would personally say about 10 years old or so, before puberty, but after he's grown enough to be able to understand without 'why' every five seconds in the conversation. 

hautemama83
by Emerald Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:43 AM
6 moms liked this
Just be honest. If hes that perceptive, he should also understand that biology doesn't make a father. You don't have to give every single detail, but you do have to be honest.
Yogamom08
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:43 AM
My son doesn't ask "why" every second. His mind works differently than the average kid. Nothing gets passed him, and I know he will bring it up again. He is very smart and logical.

I originally imagined telling him around 10, but I clearly can't keep putting it off for five years. I know he will bring it up again.


Quoting Pink.Punk.23:

he's five, wait until he is a bit older.  i don't think he is quite old enough for that talk just yet.  I would personally say about 10 years old or so, before puberty, but after he's grown enough to be able to understand without 'why' every five seconds in the conversation. 

Yogamom08
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:44 AM
I know. I just don't know how to appropriately explain it to a five year old. I am having trouble finding the words.

Quoting hautemama83:

Just be honest. If hes that perceptive, he should also understand that biology doesn't make a father. You don't have to give every single detail, but you do have to be honest.
LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:45 AM
9 moms liked this
Tell the truth. If kids are old enough to ask they are old enough for an answer.
Yogamom08
by on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:45 AM
He will want to know what links him to the other man though. What makes that man his "father" and what makes my husband his sister's father (talking about the biology). That's the part I am stuck with.

Quoting Anonymous:

just tell him his daddy and you didn't get along, so you didn't live together anymore...then you met his daddy he has now, and that is his baby sis's daddy too...when he gets older, you can go into detail more

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