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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Non biological father with visitation rights?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ok so my ex has been there simce my dd was born. He has always stepped up to the father role for her even when I didn't really want him to. Dd started calling him daddy on her own, no encouragement from either of us, when she was 2. She is now 5 and we have been split up for 5 months now.
I was letting the ex still see her a couple times a week. He would come get her in the late morning and bring herhome and put her to bed .
It was working out great.
Now I have a new boyfriend. He hasnt been around dd much and not in a mommys boyfriend sense. We were with my sister and her husband at a bbq. He played with all the kids.
Anyway, dd said something to the ex about him. And being the jealous ass that he is he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to him. Ever since then she has been coming home from his house saying stuff like daddy wishes we could live together again.
I blew up at him the last time and he tried lying telling me that dd was the one starting the convos and saying she had told him that I told her wished I could love him but I can't right now.
Well I know for a fact that isn't true since dd doesn't have the capacity to come up with that on her own and I would never say something like that to her. For one it isn't true and two I care more about her emotional well being than to confuse her with crap like that.
Anyway, so my question is do I stop letting dd see him or talk to him? Or do I just tear him a new one and continue on?
If I stop letting him see her how do I explain it to her? He is the only father figure she has ever known and her sperm donor will never see her since he is spending the rest of his life in jail. (No I will not get into it) so probably the only one she will know.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 12, 2013 at 8:53 AM
Replies (71-75):
dizzy91
by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 1:04 PM

I understand, and sadly that is something that happens when people break up. I am 22 years old, and my mom is trying to use me against my dad in their divorce. It's stupid. 

You may want to consider asking him to family counseling. If that isn't an option, you need to talk to him. Tell him that you have a life, and she is your child. She has to be a part of your life, and every time he does something stupid, it hurts your relationship with your daughter. If he wants to be her daddy, he needs to be understanding of this. 

Quoting Anonymous:

If I was sure he had her best interest a t heart I wouldn't be thinking this. I was fine with it until he started playing this game.


Quoting dizzy91:

That man is your daughter's daddy. Even if he is not biologically, that is the man who she calls daddy. Please, don't take him away from her. If he loves her and treats her well, that is all that matters. If she loves him and wants him in her life, she needs that. If you take him away from her, she'll probably blame you later in life. 

Bad stuff happens in breakups, but don't take it out on her. Did you have a father? Even if he was your biological, no five year old understand that. If your mom took away your dad, you'd probably be very hurt and confused.




Sunshine257
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2013 at 1:09 PM
I would continue to let them see eachother. I would also have a heart to heart with the guy and tell him screwing with your kid is ok and you won't put up with it.
CrimsonGrace
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I think you need to have a conversation with him concerning expectations and intentions. I assume he was good to her because you were with him and allowed her to call him her dad. Do you think his intentions are genuine? Putting what your mom said aside, do you truly think he would intentionally hurt her? Do you think he would use her? Not saying biological parents don't do the same thing, but good parents do not use their children as tools.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's what I'm tginking but I'm also concerned that if he is only using her to get back with me and leaves when she is older it will hurt her worse.

That is what my mom mentioned when I was venting about the whole thing to her. Niw I can't stop thinking it.




Quoting CrimsonGrace:

I would have a talk with him, but I would still allow her to see him.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Nov. 13, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Be grateful that at least someone cares about her. Even more since they aren't blood related and yes stop playing house with men!!!
hautemama83
by Emerald Member on Nov. 13, 2013 at 12:14 PM
What a mess for your daughter, that you created.
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