"They are opening a Jersey Mikes across the street. He is a bad man. Don't associate with him." (Screaming at the construction worker standing outside Jersey Mike's on his cell): "Fock you Jair zee mike!"
(Talking to his two black assistants): "Do you think if I played Jazz here that it would attract more black people?"
(In response to me asking where he found his black assistants): "Prison. They owe me their lives."
(Walks up to me and says): "There are lesbians having sex in the bathroom! Haha. Lesbians! Come watch with me!"
(Calls me on the phone the morning after the "lesbian sex"): "I had a heart attack and am in the hospital. Take the day off and please don't tell my wives."
(Talking about my tattoo): "I got a tattoo of a tiger on my penis. When I get an erection, he roars."