DD got in trouble for her reaction to her coat being stolen UPDATE DD came home, update
Two weeks ago, my 2and grade DD had her coat, that she had only worn 2 or 3 times and was $50 at PS, stolen from her cubby (where she is supposed to hang it up). It was hotter in the afternoon so she hung it up. She is advanced in math and so left the classroom to go to another for math class. At the end of the day, she noticed her coat was not hanging in her cubby. She told the teacher and the teacher checked everyone's bags. The problem was, one girl was checked out while DD was in math class.My DD said "well then Angel must have taken it" which since Angel was the only one who had been in the classroom and not had her bag checked, was a reasonable assumption. The teacher told her not to accuse it's rude (I think it's more rude to steal).
Fast forward to yesterday (which has been the first day since that was cold enough to need a coat), the girl came to school wearing the coat. My DD walked up to her and told her to hand over her coat. Angel said it was hers and the teacher got involved. She asked if DD could prove it was hers and DD said her name is in the label. The name was marked through. That should be proof enough, if it was Angel's why would she mark through her own name. But the teacher sided with Angel and said "well you can't 100% prove it is yours so I am not taking the coat off her back when it is cold". I think the reason the teacher took her side is because her family is poor and she never has nice clothes, this is probably one of the nicest things she has had. That does not excuse stealing in my book though. Anyway, Angel said "ha ha" and my DD said "enjoy it, the only way you get a nice coat is to steal it so I hope that makes you feel good about yourself, trash". It wasn't very nice but my DD was in a position where she KNEW that her coat had been stolen, she also knew that the teacher knew it too but refused to do anything about it and then this girl was rubbing it in.
PS last year and bag FULL of gently used close and some new with tags (Angel is slightly smaller then DD) was anonymously donated to her by me and DD so it 's not like we are heartless people who don't help people in need. We were going to do it this year as well even though I have never seen her wear any of them which says to me her mom probably sold them. We have helped her and we help others quite a lot but steal from us, we are done.
I am going to go talk to the teacher this morning (I did call yesterday just to confirm that everything DD said happened did) she said it did and she said that she is sure it is DD's coat but what was she going to do, take it off her back? (YES). I am going to tell her that if she continues with the punishment she gave DD (no recess for a week AND she has to apologize to Angel this morning in front of the class because she said what she said in front of the class) I will take it to the principal who I am sure won't be ok with a teacher knowingly letting a student steal from another.
I just got home. Lots of responses, I didn't expect the post to blow up like this. I talked to the teacher and she basically said her hands where tied where the coat was concerned but DD needed to learn to to call names. I told her that if someone steals from my DD, she has EVERY RIGHT to call them what they are, trash. I took it up to the principal. She called both girls in with the coat. She held the coat up to the light and even though DD's name has been marked through (this was on the label, PS has a spot on the coats where you can write a name) you could still, just barely see it. She called the teacher on the phone (who was of course in the classroom) and told her of the findings. She told her that all punishments to DD are to be cancelled and that the coat is being returned. She also had to call Angel's parents because now Angel didn't have a coat (plus to let them know about the stealing). I walked my DD back to class thinking "great we got the coat back but now the teacher is going to be pissed at her but it was a lose, lose for us". When we got there, the teacher met us at the door and apologized. She said she felt that she handled it badly but it was a bad situation and she was put on the spot and didn't know what to do (which I agree with, most likely, she was frustrated that her hands were tied with the coat, because let's face it, she could be 99% sure it was DD's but if she took it off of Angel's back and it turned out to be Angel's by some weird coincidence, she would be in a world of trouble. And so she over reacted to what DD said.)
Since I already bought DD a new coat, I think I am going to give this one to my cousin's DD. My cousin is getting divorced and doesn't have a lot of money so this way her DD gets an almost new coat and I don't have to worry about DD wearing the coat to school which would likely cause problems, not only with Angel and DD but since the whole class knows, probably with the whole class. I could hear the other kids say "look she has her coat back that Angel stole" I am glad it has ended on, well not good terms but at least DD doesn't have to deal with the theif rubbing it in her face everyday.
To answer a few replies
Yes, my DD knows about the word trashy. If someone does something trashy, I have made comments like "that was trashy" or "I hate trashy people". I don't feel it's wrong, there are trashy people in this world. I am not talking about her being poor either, I am talking about her stealing.
No, we are not rich, we live comfortably. The school is pretty much 2 neighborhoods: the kids who live around the school in trailers, mostly older ones and the kids who live in houses, usually about 1600-1700 square feet, not big, not fancy but nice. We live in the neighborhood with the houses. We live on about $50,000 a year with the 5 of us (me, DH and 3 children and I am a SAHM), not rich but comfortable. So while yes, I can buy my children nice things, I can't afford to have to replace things that get stolen just because someone decides they deserve my child's coat.
DD was not talking down to her because she is poor, she was talking down to her because she stole from her.
DD came home. She said a while after I took her back to her classroom and left, Angle was brought back by the principal. She had to apologize to DD and it was explained to Angel that there are probably going to be kids in the classroom who aren't going to trust her, who might not want to share their supplies or things with her because she stole and she is going to have to work on earning everyone's trust back. For the next week, her desk has been moved away from her table on her own close to the teacher's desk. I am glad that everything has been handled, hopefully this girl has learned her lesson about stealing.