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I dont know how to keep having a relationship with my mom!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies

When I was younger my mom was a single mom. And my uncle's just tormented me. When I was 4 my one uncle beat me so bad I was bursed from my heels to my shoulders. He went to jail over it for a few years. Then my mom forgave him, and they both just did mean stuff to me here and there . Well when I was 19 I borrowed 600.00 dollars from the other uncle , well one morning at like 7am he knocks on my apt door wakes up me and my roommate and has 7 black guys with him walk in to my apt, he then offers me a way to earn back his money by stripping for those guys..I was so embarrassed and just yet again felt worthless by these men in my family. The whole time my whole life my mom was there patting me on the leg saying oh honey don't take it so personal that's just who you're uncle's are. Finally after I had my kids I had tried talking to him about not being so harsh on his daughter, he flipped on me called me every name in the book. I had finally had enough. Decided that just because they were family doesn't mean I need to keep putting myself through that nor risk my kids growing up like I did. So I cut them out. Well my mom decided to let my girls spend the night with my uncle well they were visiting her, on top of all that my uncle smokes pot in front of who ever even kids , he curses like a drunk sailor, and is the most loud, sexist, racist, most horrible view of women. Person you could meet. So when I find out my kids are staying at his house I race 3 1/2 hours to pick them up. Again my whole family turns on me. I stop talking to my mom for almost a year. We make up, that was all a few years ago. Well just pass few days she has said I wish you would learn to forgive them. And like I told her every time she does that pat on the leg like there there dear they are family, she makes me feel like I'm not worth respect .. I am lossing respect for her .. am I holding on to this to long, should I forgive.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:52 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:55 AM

so you want everyone to respect you and do as you want but you wont respect them because you dont like who they are, and things they do. lmao

armywife009
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:55 AM
2 moms liked this

You don't have to have a relationship with her and you don't have to forgive those pigs. They should be begging you for forgiveness, bastards. You need to forget all of them and move on with your life. Some therapy would do you some good. I am speaking from experience and I know how hard it is. But you have to do what is best for you, not her.

BekahBrownEyes
by NoLies on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:55 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like you need to cut ALL of those toxic people out of your life. FOR GOOD. You don't need ANY of that in your life.
want10more
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:59 AM

 HERE HERE!


Quoting armywife009:

You don't have to have a relationship with her and you don't have to forgive those pigs. They should be begging you for forgiveness, bastards. You need to forget all of them and move on with your life. Some therapy would do you some good. I am speaking from experience and I know how hard it is. But you have to do what is best for you, not her.


 

AuntieM
by Silver Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:00 AM
4 moms liked this
Forgiveness is for you. You can forgive them so you don't feel all the anger and resentment because those feelings are sooo draining. But, just because you forgive them does not mean you have to trust them or have a relationship with them. It just means you've let go of all the negative emotions toward them and can start your own healing. Because, honestly, if you don't forgive you will always be carrying that around.
want10more
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:06 AM
1 mom liked this

i am so sorry you had to go thru that, but i'm even SORRIER that you think you (or at least have your mom telling you) that you have to forgive them, or just let their behavior slide. i have the same kind of thingee in my family, but as bad as YOUR situation no. but w/ my family, it's just kinda outta whack. finally i just said MY FAMILY is my hubby and kids. the rest of you are simply relatives. if YOU can't treat me better, then i have to walk away. not w hatred, but w/ my own self respect intact. i not only didn't talk to my own mom for 2 yrs? but i had to throw her out of the room while i was in active labor w/ my youngest. oh yeah, that wasn't stressful! heh. but the most important person to you has GOT to be YOU. if you allow yourself to be treated like that, your kids will think it's ok for not only YOU to be treated like that, but them too! you are not the evil one, to not forgive those who've not only NOT asked for forgiveness, but defended the behavior. you're worth SO MUCH MORE than this! don't forget that!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:14 AM
1 mom liked this


Thank you so much for that. It really means a lot. I usually don't hate them or think about them. But every time she says something about forgiveness every worthless feeling I have felt from them comes rushing back. I start to wonder am I being dramatic?Am I taking it to far?. And then I have days where I'm just mad that they are the victims. I have taken the route of looking at my husband and kids as my family, and the rest are just relatives..Really thank you for such a kind understanding comment.

Quoting want10more:

i am so sorry you had to go thru that, but i'm even SORRIER that you think you (or at least have your mom telling you) that you have to forgive them, or just let their behavior slide. i have the same kind of thingee in my family, but as bad as YOUR situation no. but w/ my family, it's just kinda outta whack. finally i just said MY FAMILY is my hubby and kids. the rest of you are simply relatives. if YOU can't treat me better, then i have to walk away. not w hatred, but w/ my own self respect intact. i not only didn't talk to my own mom for 2 yrs? but i had to throw her out of the room while i was in active labor w/ my youngest. oh yeah, that wasn't stressful! heh. but the most important person to you has GOT to be YOU. if you allow yourself to be treated like that, your kids will think it's ok for not only YOU to be treated like that, but them too! you are not the evil one, to not forgive those who've not only NOT asked for forgiveness, but defended the behavior. you're worth SO MUCH MORE than this! don't forget that!



LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't talk to any of them ever again. Including your mother. You need to move on and think about your children. See if you can get some therapy to help you.
sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:18 AM
1 mom liked this

You can forgive and still keep people out of your life.

want10more
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:27 AM

 

if you can help it? yeah, don't hate them. not for THEIR sake, cuz they do deserve it. but for yours. they won't give a shit if you hate them, and still come around! right? but it steals a lil part of YOUR heart to hate. and why should YOU lose more than you already have? this is no stain on YOU it's on THEM. and hey, i already told you, my situation isn't so bad as yours. but still, i've found the need to not fight, not hate, just simply and quietly hang up, and walk away. i am not a dramatic person. which is EXACTLY why i had to just kinda walk away. and ohhhhhhh yessssss my mom and sister see themselves as the victims. (oh sheesh!) pretty sure i'm crazy older than you are, so my mom is MUCH older. and yeah sure that bothers me, to think she may likely die before we are really able to make true amends. but i know on her deathbed, i can say, i love you mom. i forgive you. but i do NOT agree. and i don't have to. even if (and you sure don't sound like it) a batshit crazy psycho bitch from hell...... you don't have to take any kind of abuse. look in the eyes of your hubby, your kids. THEN you will know for sure what you're worth. tc ok? lemme know if things go south again, or STILL, plz allow me to buck you up a bit, when you're feeling down. tc.

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Thank you so much for that. It really means a lot. I usually don't hate them or think about them. But every time she says something about forgiveness every worthless feeling I have felt from them comes rushing back. I start to wonder am I being dramatic?Am I taking it to far?. And then I have days where I'm just mad that they are the victims. I have taken the route of looking at my husband and kids as my family, and the rest are just relatives..Really thank you for such a kind understanding comment.

Quoting want10more:

i am so sorry you had to go thru that, but i'm even SORRIER that you think you (or at least have your mom telling you) that you have to forgive them, or just let their behavior slide. i have the same kind of thingee in my family, but as bad as YOUR situation no. but w/ my family, it's just kinda outta whack. finally i just said MY FAMILY is my hubby and kids. the rest of you are simply relatives. if YOU can't treat me better, then i have to walk away. not w hatred, but w/ my own self respect intact. i not only didn't talk to my own mom for 2 yrs? but i had to throw her out of the room while i was in active labor w/ my youngest. oh yeah, that wasn't stressful! heh. but the most important person to you has GOT to be YOU. if you allow yourself to be treated like that, your kids will think it's ok for not only YOU to be treated like that, but them too! you are not the evil one, to not forgive those who've not only NOT asked for forgiveness, but defended the behavior. you're worth SO MUCH MORE than this! don't forget that!

 

 


 

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