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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

good parenting or abuse? -edit

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  • 77 Replies

When I bought a new comforter for 4YO DD a few months ago I kept the big plastic bag it came in to hold some of her stuffed animals. 

Since then, I have caught her putting the bag over her head a few times. 

I tell her to stop. She listens. A few days/weeks later I will see her do it again. 

She has a 1 YO sister. She CAN NOT TEACH SISTER TO PUT PLASTIC OVER HER HEAD. 

Today ODD was facetime-ing with my mom and put the damn bag over her head as a funny joke. I told her "Get that off your head now. Go put it in the garbage." She listened. When she came back over to the ipad I asked her why she wasn't allowed to put plastic over her head. She said "because I can die."  I asked how she would die and she said "I don't know." So I told her the plastic could get stuck on her face and she wouldn't be able to breathe.

I have explained this before but since she wasn't getting it, I told her I was going to show her what I meant, and I plugged her nose and covered her mouth with my hand. She giggled for a second before she got scared. Even when she started to pull my hand off, I kept it over her mouth for another second.

When I let go, she was scared and started to cry a little bit, so I snuggled her up and held her and said "Wasn't that scary? Wouldn't it be terrible if you or baby sister got plastic stuck to your face? Are you ever going to put a bag over your head?" She answered appropriately and snuggled me back and went back to dancing in front of my mom, who was watching the whole thing. 

Well apparently, according to my mother, what I did was wrong, "almost abuse", and I shouldn't have "scared her" that way. My mom was actually angry, which REALLY surprised me because I swear I vaguely remember her doing the same thing to me when I was young. 

I stand by what I did and would do it again in an instant. DD needs to know that it's actually dangerous, not just for her but for sister who copies EVERYTHING she does. 


So, CM, was what I did "mean" or "abusive"? Or would you have done the same thing? 

When are some times you've taught by showing? Or do you rely on your words to get the meaning across? 



EDIT: Yeah, I should have taken the bag away after the second incident. But it wasn't a thin bag, it was the thick plastic type from a comforter and had a sturdy zipper and a little handle. It was a cool bag and definitely wouldn't have ever actually obstructed all of her breathing pathways, even if she pressed the thing against her face and sucked in.

But the "no plastic bags on the head" rule is a hard-and-fast one, because I'm not always going to be around her, and though I keep my house picked up and plastic bags including ziplocs up and out of reach, I can't guarantee my girls won't run across a plastic bag and decide it might be funny to try it on. I can guarantee my sweet girl who trusts me to protect her (and understood I was showing her in order to protect her) will not put a plastic bag on her head again. 

by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Connorsmommy13
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:50 PM

I would have done the same thing...I told my son that he couldnt run from me at a big fair because a bad person could take him away from me and he would never see me again...

ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:52 PM

Honestly. .. terrifying. . . but mostly because I'm petrified of that not being able to breathe.  The thought of doing that or that being done to me freaks me out to no end.

LeslieandBerlyn
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:52 PM
I don't think it was abusive.

My mom put a grocery bag over my head and wrapped it tight to show me the same thing, but I ripped it off my face lol.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM
i think u were fine. but im sure plenty of others wont agree. its not like you did it long enough to actually cause her to almost pass out, just enough to show her the reality. my DD was learning how to swim this summer (our complex has a pool) she was fine with no floaties in the 3 foot part but would get out ans walk to the deep end and stand on the edge and act like shee ws gonna jump in. i kept telling her for weeks STOP and why it was dangerous. finally i got so pissed she did it and i caught her off guard and pushed her in and let her flounder and panick for about 30 seconds. she had just turned 7
laineysmum
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM

 I have to admit it gave me a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw the look in her eye when she realized it was not a game or joke and that she really couldn't breathe. But I am much more terrified of the idea of coming into their room one day and finding one of them... oh God I am tearing up just thinking about it. :(

Quoting ColtsFan1912:

Honestly. .. terrifying. . . but mostly because I'm petrified of that not being able to breathe.  The thought of doing that or that being done to me freaks me out to no end.



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crazymom21
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM
3 moms liked this
Grandparents are weird. The same ones who beat our asses would do it to us as adults if we even scold our children.

You got your point across and didn't actually hurt her. I'd do the same. If that saves their lives and makes me a horrible parent then so be it.
Angelicembrace
by The Dorkfish on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM
I think that's..well that's a tough call. Personally I think it would be wrong and I'd never do it, but then again I see why you did. Erm, I'm no help lol.
ColtsFan1912
by FriendoftheFoot on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:55 PM

I truly do understand. I'm very scared of it too. 

Quoting laineysmum:

 I have to admit it gave me a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw the look in her eye when she realized it was not a game or joke and that she really couldn't breathe. But I am much more terrified of the idea of coming into their room one day and finding one of them... oh God I am tearing up just thinking about it. :(

Quoting ColtsFan1912:

Honestly. .. terrifying. . . but mostly because I'm petrified of that not being able to breathe.  The thought of doing that or that being done to me freaks me out to no end.



PestPatti
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:55 PM


  I scared my oldest once, it had the desired effect.   

vamaria
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 11:57 PM


Sometimes that is what it takes! You were right there to save her. If she had done thst when no one was there, it could have been a tragedy. So, good for you! :)

Quoting Anonymous:

i think u were fine. but im sure plenty of others wont agree. its not like you did it long enough to actually cause her to almost pass out, just enough to show her the reality. my DD was learning how to swim this summer (our complex has a pool) she was fine with no floaties in the 3 foot part but would get out ans walk to the deep end and stand on the edge and act like shee ws gonna jump in. i kept telling her for weeks STOP and why it was dangerous. finally i got so pissed she did it and i caught her off guard and pushed her in and let her flounder and panick for about 30 seconds. she had just turned 7



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