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Parental involvement in a marriage.(Update,I guess)2nd UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband and I had a fight last week Thursday. Since then, we have barely said a word to each other.

Yesterday, he got dressed in the morning,and left without saying a word. I heard him on the phone to his mom though,saying he's coming to her "for a chat". Around 7:30pm I get a call from the tracking company for his car, its in a high risk area,they want to know if its safe. Which area? My mom's area.

I called my mom,and asked if he was there,she says yes,the 3 of them (him,his mom,my mom) are having a "meeting",about the state of our marriage. Nobody bothered to invite me for these talks,nobody bothered to let me know they will be going on. This morning I get a text from my mom: "I'm coming over to talk about your marriage". I don't want to,I feel betrayed and bewildered. My mom says she's only trying to build my marriage,and I'm disappointing her by not wanting these talks.

My thing is,this is my marriage, if my husband has something to say I should be the first port of call,why run to our parents like a 4 year old? I hate,hate,hate parental involvement in marriage.

Am I just being childish? This is not a habit I want to form in my marriage.

UPDATE

There isn't much to update, as I said in replies,I left yesterday when my mom informed me that they were "coming to fix my marriage",I basically spend the day out,had breakfast,caught a movie,and had drinks with a girlfriend. Then I got a call from my brother,yep my brother,telling me running away wasn't the answer (told him who said I was running?I'm giving them space to have their talk)and I must go talk to them,because this is what happens in marriage(he isn't married,and admitted he wouldn't stand it either if it happened to him). In all this time,I'm still getting texts from my mom now calling me a bad mom for leaving the kids with their dad all day. I went home at about 6pm, said hi to my husband,he just glanced at me, okay,then he told me I was childish,that's okay too,I told him that if he had a problem he should have talked to me,he ignored me. I don't know what to do,or when to try again to have a proper conversation with him. Do I give him more space?more time?do I give in,and let these women ,one divorced,one widowed for 30 years,after a 10 year marriage with an apparently serial cheat(sorry dad) tell me how to run my marriage?just to make him happy?

Okay,to those who asked: I don't have a substance problem,at all.

I don't have mental problems

We have been together for 10 years,married for almost 7.

Prior to the argument,we were seemingly happy,we've been talking, planning a vacation,spending a lot of time together,etc.


I'm also so heartbroken that I've had a fight with my mom. Last night I sent her a final text saying sorry for talking to her like that,I felt angry,and betrayed,but I was sorry for my tone. She replied "No man wants a woman who's out all day,without her children,even the law won't be on your side about that,I'm disappointed in you"


Update 2.

When I came back from work on Monday,I found my mom in the living room,and my husband cooking(haha,what a man!)I greeted my mom,she either didn't answer me,or she answered very low,but I didn't hear her greeting because she didn't look at me.Luckily,my MIL wasn't there. Anyway,long story short,My husband's story is, when he went out on Thursday,he was already "disappointed" at me about the way our son looked for his sports day(he wore a shirt that my husband didn't approve of),once again,I knew nothing of this.He said when I texted him and asked where he was he was already annoyed with me so he didn't feel the need to tell me anything. When I persisted in telling him that he should let me know when he goes out,he got angry,and prolonged his night out,that's why he came back at 1 am. Why didn't you answer my texts,and just get me off your back?"It was hard to hear the phone,so that why I was giving you 1 word answers every 30 minutes"this by way made me seem like a nag,whilst most of my texts were "gosh,just answer me and get it over with,I don't understand your story with these one word texts". He still says he felt I wanted him to "report to me",funny enough,if he answered me back with "I'm at BBB having drinks with Joe,sorry didn't tell you,don't wait up",I'd have been more than satisfied and left it there. But he didn't.

The meat issue,he feels I should have bought the meat ,because "the kitchen is my problem,and I'm the woman of the house",I reminded him that he knows I don't have the time to go into a store during the week,he said then I should have told him to go,I said,you were at home the whole day,you knew the was no meat,I TOLD you there was no meat,he said "yeah,but you didn't tell me to go get it". He then went back to a Saturday,before meat ran out,when I went grocery shopping,and bought a bottle of wine,along with 5 bags of food,he turns around,tells my mom "She can buy a bottle of wine,but she can't buy meat". My mother sat there agreeing with everything he said,when I'd raise a point,my mom and him would smirk like I'm an idiot. I asked him why couldn't you come to ME first and talk to me about this? He claims his decision was "impulsive",he woke up on Saturday and decided we need help. Why,before you have even talked to me?"It wasn't planned,I just decided at that moment,and went to my mom". I gave up,I went to bed,my mom followed,and found me crying and got mad at how ungrateful I am that she's there to "HELP us". Oh,my husband lied about times,dates,situations etc. When I argued back,my mom would say "You have changed,I know you as such a quiet person" with this shocked look on her face. I felt trapped. I did tell her that this has to stop,stop intruding in my marriage especially without my invitation,and against my will. I told my husband that he was weak for running to them before even coming to me (my mom said I was being disrespectful to him). I love my mom,but I don't think we'll ever be the same again. My husband on the other hand,hasn't heard the last of me on his weakness.

Can you believe after I went to bed he had the nerve to send me a text and say "Can we talk alone for a bit?just give me 30 minutes?",after all this drama,the fucker now has 30 minutes to give me?NOW he wants to talk alone?ha!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:22 AM
Replies (11-20):
Gum.Drop.diva
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:29 AM

id be pissed. 

Ninjascreenname
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:29 AM
5 moms liked this
Oh no honey, have his butt in marital counseling Monday morning. This isn't normal in most cultures, though if he's Middle Eastern or Hispanic then its more accepted. I don't mean to sound judgy or ignorant, but I've dated men in both categories and found their families to be more involved.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm 32 and he is 33.




Quoting Ninjascreenname:

How old are y'all? I dare my mom to "come over for a talk with me about my marriage!"


MaiVal
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:29 AM
2 moms liked this

You and your DH should talk before anything goes to ANYONE else.

jamamama00
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:30 AM
1 mom liked this
No, you aren't being childish! He can't even speak to you, but he can dish it all out with your moms? Not normal. I would immediately question his motive for doing this. Is he trying to "rally the troops" and convince everyone that you are the problem here, so that he can 'be the winner?' What other motive could he have for doing this? Your parents aren't going to fix your problems. Only you two can do that. This was a very immature move on his part. So when you say you guys aren't talking, have you tried speaking to him?
1FiestyFem
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:30 AM
1 mom liked this
I would be LIVID.
I would kindly tell her that I'm sorry that she and the other mom were invited into this very personal issue but that this is private and between me and my husband. I'd also reinforce that there's only two people in this marriage and those same Two people will handle it without interference from anyone else. Then I'd contact my husband....
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:30 AM
instinct says they are older and wiser and especially if your parents are still married instinct tells me listen they may just know what they are talking about....HOWEVER, that is the case with my parents...still married blah blah blah yet when i called my mother to say i was leaving my (now x) husband (whom she hated so much she refused to attend my wedding) because he hit me she actually told me, not to throw away my marriage and i had obviously done something to make him mad.....WTF!!! idk where she even got that shot from because my father worships the ground she walks on and would never THINK to raise his hand to her....we divorced...and i will NEVER ask her advice regarding marriage again.
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bcauseimthemom
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:30 AM
3 moms liked this

Your husband is being childish.  He argues with you, his wife... runs to his mommy for advice and then to your mommy to tell on you?? How old are you two?  How long have you been married? How many children and their ages??  Are the mommys going to start supporting you guys as well??  I would be really pissed at my husand. If he felt we needed to speak to someone, I would insist on a therapist, not our mothers.....

briellesmomma
by Velvet on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow. He took it too far going to your parents. Hugs and good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:31 AM
Put your foot down now!!! Tell the parents and your husband they're out of line. If not one you'll either stay in the marriage while resenting them or it'll end your marriage and you'll still resent them. Fix it ASAP!
jamamama00
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:31 AM
1 mom liked this
PS you should be pissed at your own mom as well.
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