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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Parental involvement in a marriage.(Update,I guess)2nd UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband and I had a fight last week Thursday. Since then, we have barely said a word to each other.

Yesterday, he got dressed in the morning,and left without saying a word. I heard him on the phone to his mom though,saying he's coming to her "for a chat". Around 7:30pm I get a call from the tracking company for his car, its in a high risk area,they want to know if its safe. Which area? My mom's area.

I called my mom,and asked if he was there,she says yes,the 3 of them (him,his mom,my mom) are having a "meeting",about the state of our marriage. Nobody bothered to invite me for these talks,nobody bothered to let me know they will be going on. This morning I get a text from my mom: "I'm coming over to talk about your marriage". I don't want to,I feel betrayed and bewildered. My mom says she's only trying to build my marriage,and I'm disappointing her by not wanting these talks.

My thing is,this is my marriage, if my husband has something to say I should be the first port of call,why run to our parents like a 4 year old? I hate,hate,hate parental involvement in marriage.

Am I just being childish? This is not a habit I want to form in my marriage.

UPDATE

There isn't much to update, as I said in replies,I left yesterday when my mom informed me that they were "coming to fix my marriage",I basically spend the day out,had breakfast,caught a movie,and had drinks with a girlfriend. Then I got a call from my brother,yep my brother,telling me running away wasn't the answer (told him who said I was running?I'm giving them space to have their talk)and I must go talk to them,because this is what happens in marriage(he isn't married,and admitted he wouldn't stand it either if it happened to him). In all this time,I'm still getting texts from my mom now calling me a bad mom for leaving the kids with their dad all day. I went home at about 6pm, said hi to my husband,he just glanced at me, okay,then he told me I was childish,that's okay too,I told him that if he had a problem he should have talked to me,he ignored me. I don't know what to do,or when to try again to have a proper conversation with him. Do I give him more space?more time?do I give in,and let these women ,one divorced,one widowed for 30 years,after a 10 year marriage with an apparently serial cheat(sorry dad) tell me how to run my marriage?just to make him happy?

Okay,to those who asked: I don't have a substance problem,at all.

I don't have mental problems

We have been together for 10 years,married for almost 7.

Prior to the argument,we were seemingly happy,we've been talking, planning a vacation,spending a lot of time together,etc.


I'm also so heartbroken that I've had a fight with my mom. Last night I sent her a final text saying sorry for talking to her like that,I felt angry,and betrayed,but I was sorry for my tone. She replied "No man wants a woman who's out all day,without her children,even the law won't be on your side about that,I'm disappointed in you"


Update 2.

When I came back from work on Monday,I found my mom in the living room,and my husband cooking(haha,what a man!)I greeted my mom,she either didn't answer me,or she answered very low,but I didn't hear her greeting because she didn't look at me.Luckily,my MIL wasn't there. Anyway,long story short,My husband's story is, when he went out on Thursday,he was already "disappointed" at me about the way our son looked for his sports day(he wore a shirt that my husband didn't approve of),once again,I knew nothing of this.He said when I texted him and asked where he was he was already annoyed with me so he didn't feel the need to tell me anything. When I persisted in telling him that he should let me know when he goes out,he got angry,and prolonged his night out,that's why he came back at 1 am. Why didn't you answer my texts,and just get me off your back?"It was hard to hear the phone,so that why I was giving you 1 word answers every 30 minutes"this by way made me seem like a nag,whilst most of my texts were "gosh,just answer me and get it over with,I don't understand your story with these one word texts". He still says he felt I wanted him to "report to me",funny enough,if he answered me back with "I'm at BBB having drinks with Joe,sorry didn't tell you,don't wait up",I'd have been more than satisfied and left it there. But he didn't.

The meat issue,he feels I should have bought the meat ,because "the kitchen is my problem,and I'm the woman of the house",I reminded him that he knows I don't have the time to go into a store during the week,he said then I should have told him to go,I said,you were at home the whole day,you knew the was no meat,I TOLD you there was no meat,he said "yeah,but you didn't tell me to go get it". He then went back to a Saturday,before meat ran out,when I went grocery shopping,and bought a bottle of wine,along with 5 bags of food,he turns around,tells my mom "She can buy a bottle of wine,but she can't buy meat". My mother sat there agreeing with everything he said,when I'd raise a point,my mom and him would smirk like I'm an idiot. I asked him why couldn't you come to ME first and talk to me about this? He claims his decision was "impulsive",he woke up on Saturday and decided we need help. Why,before you have even talked to me?"It wasn't planned,I just decided at that moment,and went to my mom". I gave up,I went to bed,my mom followed,and found me crying and got mad at how ungrateful I am that she's there to "HELP us". Oh,my husband lied about times,dates,situations etc. When I argued back,my mom would say "You have changed,I know you as such a quiet person" with this shocked look on her face. I felt trapped. I did tell her that this has to stop,stop intruding in my marriage especially without my invitation,and against my will. I told my husband that he was weak for running to them before even coming to me (my mom said I was being disrespectful to him). I love my mom,but I don't think we'll ever be the same again. My husband on the other hand,hasn't heard the last of me on his weakness.

Can you believe after I went to bed he had the nerve to send me a text and say "Can we talk alone for a bit?just give me 30 minutes?",after all this drama,the fucker now has 30 minutes to give me?NOW he wants to talk alone?ha!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:22 AM
Replies (21-30):
MaiVal
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:32 AM

That's asinine. No way he should start out with someone other than YOU HIS WIFE.

Quoting Anonymous

I'm 32 and he is 33.


Quoting Ninjascreenname:

How old are y'all? I dare my mom to "come over for a talk with me about my marriage!"


Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:32 AM
Especially because our issues are a week old. We've been fine for years. If we had issues,and then tried to work them out but failed,if he had told me "I'm not okay about this" and I refused to hear him out,maybe,maybe I'd understand.


Quoting whovianmum:

WTF?That's just weird and he's being the childish one running to mummy and asking her to sort it out for him!


Bonnie_
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:36 AM
2 moms liked this

Tell him  if  he wants  input  from an outsider  you  will both  go to marital counseling  not  start  running  to MOMMY   and acting like a FIVE year old!   That is the WORST thing  you  can do.

*note   I bet  he lost the argument huh?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:37 AM
1 mom liked this

No. You are not being childish. This isn't highschool where the 14 year old is having issues with his 14 year old girlfriend so he pulls in the help from mommy and gf's mommy. This is two adults, who took vows to stick through eachother through thick and thin, and what happens in your home, between you and your husband should stay in your home.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:39 AM
See, I don't even mind if he goes to his mom for some advice, I don't tell my mom a lot,but I have asked her advice on things just to get perspective. Never though is it anything big,ever,and never would I go to his mother and complain about him,neither would have I ever asked my mom to intervene,or talk to him,or help us out. There is a huge difference in your mom saying "why don't you rather approach it like this" and this. This is crazy.


Quoting bustybee:

I'd be pretty pissed that my dh would involve our parents as though we were a couple of children. Rather than talking to me about the issues first. I'd rather it remain an issue between us rather than a family matter.


whovianmum
by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:39 AM

Oh wow so he basically went from not speaking to you to asking your mothers for help?!Yeah because that's sooo much easier than talking it out with the person you're having an issue with.

Have you spoken to him about it since the 3 of them had their 'meeting'?


Quoting Anonymous:

Especially because our issues are a week old. We've been fine for years. If we had issues,and then tried to work them out but failed,if he had told me "I'm not okay about this" and I refused to hear him out,maybe,maybe I'd understand.


Quoting whovianmum:

WTF?That's just weird and he's being the childish one running to mummy and asking her to sort it out for him!




opal10161973
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:39 AM

WOW!  His Mom passed earlier this year and my Mom wouldn't say much, let alone 'come over' for a 'chat'.  She would counsel and then let him take it from there, if needed.  She is really hands off.  She might give some advice, but that is as far as she will EVER take it.  For instance, at one point, I thought maybe we weren't going to make it and she set me right and made it clear how good he was for us.  I appreciated it because she really was right about it.  However, she would never have done something like what you are describing.  It just seems too involved to me.  I can't imagine it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:41 AM
2 moms liked this
That's bullshit and I can't believe your dh did that. I mean, what man wants to discuss his marriage with his mom AND mil??? Makes no sense and it's no ones business but yours an dh. Your mothers need to stay out of it!

You are not being childish at all. Your mothers are just being nosy, disrespectful and intrusive. Ridiculous.
Ms_mom_81
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:41 AM

what in the world?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:42 AM
He was actually very unrepentant about what I called him out on. Maybe he is enlisting them to tell me he was right,and I'm wrong.


Quoting Bonnie_:

Tell him  if  he wants  input  from an outsider  you  will both  go to marital counseling  not  start  running  to MOMMY   and acting like a FIVE year old!   That is the WORST thing  you  can do.

*note   I bet  he lost the argument huh?


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