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Parental involvement in a marriage.(Update,I guess)2nd UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My husband and I had a fight last week Thursday. Since then, we have barely said a word to each other.

Yesterday, he got dressed in the morning,and left without saying a word. I heard him on the phone to his mom though,saying he's coming to her "for a chat". Around 7:30pm I get a call from the tracking company for his car, its in a high risk area,they want to know if its safe. Which area? My mom's area.

I called my mom,and asked if he was there,she says yes,the 3 of them (him,his mom,my mom) are having a "meeting",about the state of our marriage. Nobody bothered to invite me for these talks,nobody bothered to let me know they will be going on. This morning I get a text from my mom: "I'm coming over to talk about your marriage". I don't want to,I feel betrayed and bewildered. My mom says she's only trying to build my marriage,and I'm disappointing her by not wanting these talks.

My thing is,this is my marriage, if my husband has something to say I should be the first port of call,why run to our parents like a 4 year old? I hate,hate,hate parental involvement in marriage.

Am I just being childish? This is not a habit I want to form in my marriage.

UPDATE

There isn't much to update, as I said in replies,I left yesterday when my mom informed me that they were "coming to fix my marriage",I basically spend the day out,had breakfast,caught a movie,and had drinks with a girlfriend. Then I got a call from my brother,yep my brother,telling me running away wasn't the answer (told him who said I was running?I'm giving them space to have their talk)and I must go talk to them,because this is what happens in marriage(he isn't married,and admitted he wouldn't stand it either if it happened to him). In all this time,I'm still getting texts from my mom now calling me a bad mom for leaving the kids with their dad all day. I went home at about 6pm, said hi to my husband,he just glanced at me, okay,then he told me I was childish,that's okay too,I told him that if he had a problem he should have talked to me,he ignored me. I don't know what to do,or when to try again to have a proper conversation with him. Do I give him more space?more time?do I give in,and let these women ,one divorced,one widowed for 30 years,after a 10 year marriage with an apparently serial cheat(sorry dad) tell me how to run my marriage?just to make him happy?

Okay,to those who asked: I don't have a substance problem,at all.

I don't have mental problems

We have been together for 10 years,married for almost 7.

Prior to the argument,we were seemingly happy,we've been talking, planning a vacation,spending a lot of time together,etc.


I'm also so heartbroken that I've had a fight with my mom. Last night I sent her a final text saying sorry for talking to her like that,I felt angry,and betrayed,but I was sorry for my tone. She replied "No man wants a woman who's out all day,without her children,even the law won't be on your side about that,I'm disappointed in you"


Update 2.

When I came back from work on Monday,I found my mom in the living room,and my husband cooking(haha,what a man!)I greeted my mom,she either didn't answer me,or she answered very low,but I didn't hear her greeting because she didn't look at me.Luckily,my MIL wasn't there. Anyway,long story short,My husband's story is, when he went out on Thursday,he was already "disappointed" at me about the way our son looked for his sports day(he wore a shirt that my husband didn't approve of),once again,I knew nothing of this.He said when I texted him and asked where he was he was already annoyed with me so he didn't feel the need to tell me anything. When I persisted in telling him that he should let me know when he goes out,he got angry,and prolonged his night out,that's why he came back at 1 am. Why didn't you answer my texts,and just get me off your back?"It was hard to hear the phone,so that why I was giving you 1 word answers every 30 minutes"this by way made me seem like a nag,whilst most of my texts were "gosh,just answer me and get it over with,I don't understand your story with these one word texts". He still says he felt I wanted him to "report to me",funny enough,if he answered me back with "I'm at BBB having drinks with Joe,sorry didn't tell you,don't wait up",I'd have been more than satisfied and left it there. But he didn't.

The meat issue,he feels I should have bought the meat ,because "the kitchen is my problem,and I'm the woman of the house",I reminded him that he knows I don't have the time to go into a store during the week,he said then I should have told him to go,I said,you were at home the whole day,you knew the was no meat,I TOLD you there was no meat,he said "yeah,but you didn't tell me to go get it". He then went back to a Saturday,before meat ran out,when I went grocery shopping,and bought a bottle of wine,along with 5 bags of food,he turns around,tells my mom "She can buy a bottle of wine,but she can't buy meat". My mother sat there agreeing with everything he said,when I'd raise a point,my mom and him would smirk like I'm an idiot. I asked him why couldn't you come to ME first and talk to me about this? He claims his decision was "impulsive",he woke up on Saturday and decided we need help. Why,before you have even talked to me?"It wasn't planned,I just decided at that moment,and went to my mom". I gave up,I went to bed,my mom followed,and found me crying and got mad at how ungrateful I am that she's there to "HELP us". Oh,my husband lied about times,dates,situations etc. When I argued back,my mom would say "You have changed,I know you as such a quiet person" with this shocked look on her face. I felt trapped. I did tell her that this has to stop,stop intruding in my marriage especially without my invitation,and against my will. I told my husband that he was weak for running to them before even coming to me (my mom said I was being disrespectful to him). I love my mom,but I don't think we'll ever be the same again. My husband on the other hand,hasn't heard the last of me on his weakness.

Can you believe after I went to bed he had the nerve to send me a text and say "Can we talk alone for a bit?just give me 30 minutes?",after all this drama,the fucker now has 30 minutes to give me?NOW he wants to talk alone?ha!

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:22 AM
Replies (511-515):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 29 on Jan. 1, 2014 at 10:11 PM

Your mom is a major bitch....no way would I allow her to behave that way coming into my marriage. Your husband is a pussy....and you, you are also WEAK.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:15 AM
Sorry,I didn't have a phone for like a month. Its going better,but this is a recent thing,things really imploded before they got better.SOOO much happened!I'll try to summarize.I couldn't possibly fit everything in.

My mom and I are good now. We had a couple of other fights,before she agreed to butt out of my marriage. My husband called her a lot,and she would call me to "talk" to me about it,I told her I refused to fight with her about my husband,and we won't be okay if she won't stop,she stopped and our relationship is close again now.

My mom in law,I want out of my life. I won't meddle in her relationship with her son and grandchildren,but she must never put her foot in my house ever again. She told me,amongst other things,that I "don't raise my kids",the kids are raised by my husband(who works too)and the nanny.She said I'm "abusive" to my husband,she wishes he'd leave me,I send my kids to bed hungry often(?????).

My husband,we were close to divorce for a good while,which is why his mother thought it would be a good idea to go on a rant,BUT that rant is what saved us,funny enough,he stood up for me,he told her I was a great mother,he loved my drive and ambitiousness,he supported my job,I cook every single night,and although he sometimes felt disrespected he is by no means "abused". We are starting Therapy next week. Here's to hoping 2014 turns out good.

Quoting Anonymous:

Update OP?  How are things going?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 85 on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:19 AM

Sounds like you married a mama's boy.  Sorry, I can't help you in this department.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 85 on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:20 AM

 Happy to hear that this situation is turning out better for you.  Good luck in therapy!

Quoting Anonymous: Sorry,I didn't have a phone for like a month. Its going better,but this is a recent thing,things really imploded before they got better.SOOO much happened!I'll try to summarize.I couldn't possibly fit everything in.

My mom and I are good now. We had a couple of other fights,before she agreed to butt out of my marriage. My husband called her a lot,and she would call me to "talk" to me about it,I told her I refused to fight with her about my husband,and we won't be okay if she won't stop,she stopped and our relationship is close again now.

My mom in law,I want out of my life. I won't meddle in her relationship with her son and grandchildren,but she must never put her foot in my house ever again. She told me,amongst other things,that I "don't raise my kids",the kids are raised by my husband(who works too)and the nanny.She said I'm "abusive" to my husband,she wishes he'd leave me,I send my kids to bed hungry often(?????).

My husband,we were close to divorce for a good while,which is why his mother thought it would be a good idea to go on a rant,BUT that rant is what saved us,funny enough,he stood up for me,he told her I was a great mother,he loved my drive and ambitiousness,he supported my job,I cook every single night,and although he sometimes felt disrespected he is by no means "abused". We are starting Therapy next week. Here's to hoping 2014 turns out good.

Quoting Anonymous:

Update OP?  How are things going?

 

EmeraldBirdie
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:27 AM

 Bump, this sounds like an episode of The Twilight Zone.

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