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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

This Is Why I Am A Working Mom...SAHM PSA...

Posted by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:30 PM
  • 391 Replies
65 moms liked this

Since it seems to be SAHM/working mom bash day, I want to explain something.

My mother was a SAHM. She wanted to be a full time mommy. She worked a minimum wage job until she got pregnant with my sister and then she quit her job. Just before my sister started Pre-K, they decided to start trying to conceive again. After two years of trying, she got pregnant with me. Four years later, my father was killed by a drunk driver. Suddenly, my mother is single and alone. Yes, she had a little bit of savings and life insurance but, after hospital and funeral costs, we only had enough to live off of for a couple of months. My mother had not worked for almost 11 years. She had no education and little experience, nothing which would get her anything more than minimum wage and she had two children to support. We lost out home and had to move. She searched for another job but, frankly a 11 year gap in her resume and the explanation of "Oh, I was a stay at home mom" earned her an eye roll and "We are still interviewing other applicants but we will get back with you next week." When she finally did find a job, they wanted her to work 9-5, at barely more than minimum wage. I wasn't in school yet so I had to go to daycare and my sister was by herself after school. The next year, when I started school, my sister babysat me. At 11 and 4, we were by ourselves for about 3 1/2 hours a day. We were on food stamps and medicaid for years. When we needed repairs done on the house or the car, it was months before we could afford it. Some things never got repaired at all. We lived paycheck to paycheck with no security or savings. Mom hated her job and she was always stressed and worried about money, about missing time with her children, and feeling guilty about her "latch-key" kids. She wanted to go to school but, before internet and online school, she didn't have the time or the money. When she remarried, when I was 12, we finally had some security again. When she got pregnant, when I was 14, she quit her job again to stay home with my sister. When I got pregnant, she chose to stay home to keep her grandchild and now has an in-home day care to add to my stepdad's income but she knows that, if something happens to my stepfather, she will be in the same boat again. 

Don't get me wrong. I love and respect my mother. She worked hard to support us. However, I vowed that it would never happened to me. I got pregnant at 17 but, even though it was hard, I worked my ass off to get my college education and to work hard. I was a single parent until my oldest was 3 but I supported us by myself. We were never rich but we were comfortable. We had savings, insurance, and security and, aside from medicaid when I was pregnant, we have never been on PA. I will continue to work, even as my family is growing because I know that, if something were to happen to my husband, we would be ok. It would be an emotional trauma but, financially, we would survive and thrive. We would still have our insurance and our savings, my income, and my husband's life insurance, and, though it would be tight for a while, we would make it.

No, I will not be quitting my job to be a SAHM. I am not jealous of the ones that do. I am choosing to plan for the future, for me and my children. I having nothing against those that choose to stay at home but, if you do, at least get an education. You never know what will happen. Your husband could die tomorrow, or get injured and unable to work. Nothing is guarenteed and nothing is certain in this world. You never know what can happen.

CafeMom Tickers

by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyNCVE
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:40 PM
I'd stay at home if I could. But I do like having stuff. I'm in a new relationship where I'd have the option to stay home but don't really what more kids. I just want more time with my 2 boys. :(

Wouldn't life insurance take care of your mom? Sounds like she struggled too much after losing you dad to have a hubs without it. :/
Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

We had life insurance when my father died but it wasn't much. My stepdad has life insurance but it wouldn't be enough for her to live off of for more than a little while. She would still be in trouble, with yet another gap in her resume. I have been trying to get her to go to college but she thinks she's too old to do it now. I told her about a woman in her 60's that graduated college when I did but that didn't convince her.


Quoting LadyNCVE:

I'd stay at home if I could. But I do like having stuff. I'm in a new relationship where I'd have the option to stay home but don't really what more kids. I just want more time with my 2 boys. :(

Wouldn't life insurance take care of your mom? Sounds like she struggled too much after losing you dad to have a hubs without it. :/



CafeMom Tickers

Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

BUMP!

Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:45 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this

TL;DR

Josie_P
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:47 PM
21 moms liked this

I'm a firm believer that all able-bodied adults should be able to support themselves, whether you are a working mum or SAHM. 

YuppyMom
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:48 PM
2 moms liked this
Why was there such small life insurance policies?
Foolynroo2
by Emerald Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:48 PM
5 moms liked this

For me, working, contributing financially to the household and to my future was very important to me.

I didn't sacrafice anything being a working mother, we raised a wonderfuls on together. And we are financially stable now and in the future because of it.

There is nothing to be jealous of simply because a woman stays at home all day.

the_dude
by abides on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:48 PM
14 moms liked this

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:50 PM
3 moms liked this

And that's why I volunteer within my profession and attend seminars 3 times a year to stay current. I love being a sahm but if I have to give it up for an emergency, I will be prepared. Also, dh LI policy would pay off the house right now.

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