Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I get my backbone back.... *UPDATE*

Posted by Anonymous
  • 73 Replies
4 moms liked this
And gain the confidence back to stand up for myself?

I've been in an emotional and physical abusive relationship for almost 2 yrs now. And once we found out I was pregnant he change his attitude and stopped with the abuse but he's still controlling. I gave up everything to be with him. Work, college, friends, family for what? Go ahead bash away! Our daughter is 9 1/2 mo old. And I gave finally after months n months of battling him about going out and drinking, doing drugs and spending all our money on it I finally told him things need to change or we're leaving. So he did... Well it didn't last long. A month... He went out last night and I told no drugs, no spending money or I'm leaving you. What happens? Comes home at 3 am. Spent $200 (all of the money we had) and had work at 7 am. Usually I chew his ass out but I didn't say anything... So now since I threaten him about leaving, how do I actually go through with it? I have no family here or in contact with any old friends.

*UPDATE 11/23*

I was able to a hold of my and brother. My mom is back and town. (well 2 hrs away) so she'll be here soon. My brother is out of town with his girlfriend but they'll be back tomorrow and they said I could stay with them. But I'm going with my mom because my brother lives in town and I'd like to be far away so don't get tempted to call, text or see him. So I'm going to get our things together while my daughter is sleeping! I will keep you ladies posted once my mom's here! Thank you all again!
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm not much help but here's a bump for you!
(((Hugs))) and best of luck!
by Platinum Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Is it possible for you to move to be with family? It might give you the fresh start you need.

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this
There has to be someone IRL, that you can reach out to. Call a shelter, call a church, call your local community center. There must be people in your area that can help you find the resources that you need. Just don't fight with him about it, find help, make a plan and walk away. You can do this.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM
I'm looking into it now... I'm just afraid I'll give in to his apologises and guilt trip to give him one more chance.
by LMAO on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not sure mama. I'd say a good support system is important. Hugs mama. 

by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:54 AM
5 moms liked this

Call your family.  They love you and have been waiting to hear from you.

My sister is in a verbally abusive relationship with a very controlling man, who has worked endlessly to seperate her from her family.  She's in the process of moving to another state now.  I hope that he changes after they move (that's what he claims will happen anyway), but I know that it will probably get worse.  Anyway, if she doesn't speak to me for 5 years and calls at 2 am, I'd send her a ticket home as quick as I could buy one online.  I'd drive halfway across the country to pick her up if that's what I had to do.  AND I woudln't even say, "I told you so."  I'd just be so happy to be able to get her back home safe and comfortable.

Call your family.  They love you and will help you.

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:54 AM
3 moms liked this
We change when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. Maybe you'll relent this time, maybe not..... but the day will come when you won't.... because you KNOW he won't. Best.
by ~Tammie~ on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:55 AM
2 moms liked this

You need to take a road trip and visit someone. He HAS to know that you are serious and that wont happen unless you do something now. today. good luck. 

Photo: -Randi.

by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:55 AM
3 moms liked this

I was going to suggest the same things Sj!

OP - his behavior changes are temporary because he doesn't really want to change, he just wants to make you think he wants to change.  And it's another form of abuse.

There are multiple services for Domestic abuse survivors.  Try the phone book since it's harder to trace what you're doing with it.  If you don't see anything there then look online while he's at work and delete your history afterwards.

And don't discuss your leaving anymore.  Just do it when he's at work and can't stop you.  And know that you are not alone in this.  I've had to do it as has many, many women on here.

It's not about backbone per se.  It's about having the strength to survive for your sake and your childs sake.  Sometimes survival means leaving certain unhealthy things behind.

by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:56 AM

I would find a woman's shelter. You need to understand how much your life will change by leaving and how much it will suck for a while. If you keep coming up with excuses why one option isn't good enough then you might as well stay

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN