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Am I wrong for cutting her out of my life??? *May be a trigger post*

Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies

A lot of people dont fully understand why I cut my mother out of my life. Mainly because I cant tell them the whole story (or dont feel its their business). But after 24 years of her abuse and psychotic behavior I am FINALLY free!!

Growing up I had a really bad childhood. My mother and father divorced when I was 2 and my mother bounced from man to man. She ALWAYS put them first. But it wasn't until she met her permanent live in boyfriend that things truly got bad at age 5.

He sexually abused me from that point until I was 16 years old and ran away. I tried several times to tell my mother but every time she either brushed me off or said I was lying for attention. After a while I stopped trying to tell anyone. I thought if my own mother wouldn't believe me then who would??? She was also physically and emotionally abusive to me. 

I always felt there was something mentally wrong with her because she would go from points where everything was fine and pretended to be a great mom..then it would be hell. She would hit me, pull my hair and emotionally abuse me for almost no reason sometimes.

When I was 16 I finally found the courage to try and get away from the whole situation. I just couldnt take it I ran away to my grandmothers and told her the entire thing. I think my family was very shocked but at the same time they knew her b/f so they werent completely shocked. Thank the Lord they believed me and took me to the police. He was eventually charged and convicted but hardly got any time which was obviously upsetting.

After everything I tried to move on with my life and forgive my mother. The hardest part was even through the trial she still didnt believe me and took his side. 

Eventually she "decided" she believed me. She was in my life but she was always very controlling and demanding. For a while I put up with it because I thought I had to since she was family. Once my daughter was 3 I just couldnt do it anymore. I knew it was wrong the way she was still treating me (still very controlling, always putting me down and constantly flipping out on me).

So at that point I realized I had to be strong for not only my sake but my daughter's. I didnt want to set a bad example for her and think it was ok to let people treat you like that (family or not). Plus I was afraid of how she would treat my daughter and I NEVER trusted her enough to let her be alone with my daughter or even watch her.

But so many people including family think I am wrong for finally breaking ties. I just couldnt do it anymore...Am I really so wrong??

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Gabriella (: on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:31 PM
You aren't wrong.
Ultimately only you can decide what is best for your daughter,because she is your daughter. As you are her mother,it's your duty to protect her.
So I can understand why you feel cutting your mother off is best.
The rest of the family who thinks they can have a say in your life can fuck off.
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by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:32 PM
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No wrong at all. She sounds like the furthest from the meaning of "mother" that there is. It sounds like you did what you needed to.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:32 PM
No. It's called setting boundaries and sometimes it has to be done in order for you to be healthy. I had to do it with my own parents for a couple of years. It's sad, but very freeing. And it doesn't matter what other people think. They aren't you and don't necessarily understand the relationship between you and your mom.
by Ruby Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:35 PM

when it comes to who you let in your life,only you know what right.these other people didnt live your life.would they let an abusive,neglectful person near their child?then why should you?giving birth to someone doesnt mean they get a free pass to treat you like shit..

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:36 PM
Your mother is toxic to you. Good call breaking ties.
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:36 PM
NO!!! Don't let others tell you otherwise. She is not befitting, only hurting your lives.
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:56 PM
I agree

Quoting jenny3344:

Your mother is toxic to you. Good call breaking ties.
by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 6:58 PM
I think you are absolutely right for setting the example for your daughter that no one is to treat you like that.. no matter what. Of course your family is gonna be a little upset about it, but stick to your guns. hold your head up.
by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:00 PM
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 Sometimes the best and healthiest thing one can do for themselves is walk away from the past, and those who were part of it, that includes ones family.

Good for you Mama, for knowing what was happening was wrong and unhealthy. Good luck in the future, to you and your child.

by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 23, 2013 at 7:00 PM

 I agree with your decision.

However, the line of questioning may likely never stop.  People always assume from an outside view they can always "make it better".

Some people are unable to comprehend the reality in a child breaking ties from their own mother, regardless of the circumstance.

This is my experience.  I am sorry for yours.


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