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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I think I have failed as a mother

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies

I'm pretty sure I have failed and I don't know how to fix it. I have two children, both girls and I love them OH so much but I am at the end of my rope and I need help. My oldest is almost 5 years old (in January) her name is Olivia and she is the reason I think I have failed. My younger daughter will turn 2 in December and she is the light of our lives (just like Olivia is) she listens incredibly well doing what we ask of her the first time we ask it. She cleans up her messes and toys without being told, she plays quietly and enjoys running outside but she knows that she has an "inside" voice and an "outside" voice we never have to remind her of that.

Then there is Livy. The child DOES NOT listen! We have to say her name several times before she will acknowledge that we are speaking to her, when she makes a mess with her toys it takes six times to get her to clean her stuff up. She doesn't give two shits about the volume of her voice. When its rest time she will scream, laugh as loudly as possible, ignore what I say. All around do everything she knows the is not supposed to do. We have spanked her for misbehaving, for not listening. We took away her fun stuff including all of her toys leaving her with only books to occupy her time. When we call her name if she doesn't say "yes ma'am/yes sir" and we have to call her name several times she will get time out. She has had an upset belly for a few days now, I asked her to lay on my bed and rest quietly while I did some work next to her. She kept moving, then she would jump on the bed, ignore everything I said and screamed as loud as she could and in turn woke up her sister.

I am at my wits end with her. When daddy is home (he works long hours) she listens marginally better but still acts like a brat. We have tried the reward system for example if she acknowledges us when we call her name the first time she gets a sticker if she listens well all week she gets to have a special date with us without her sister. Yeah that doesnt work. She just flat out refuses to listen.

We had her hearing tested in case it was a hearing issue and the doctor came back saying her hearing was 100% fine. I don't know what to do with her anymore. She does attend a small school two days a week from 9 to 3 and she listens perfectly well there

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
katemckenzie
by Kate on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:09 PM
I have no advice. DS is a perfect angel everywhere else, but at home he's a reigning terror lately and no amount of discipline or punishments will deter him. He just doesn't give a shit. I've pretty much just decided I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and I know he'll grow out of this terrible twos shit soon enough.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM

I think most parents have a time that they feel that way. You haven't failed! Kids are just different. I know a set of twins, 10ys, boy and girl. They are like night and day. The girl is sweet, hardly ever makes a mess and all you have to say to her is 'you in trouble' and she starts to cry b.c she feels so bad. The boy on the other hand, complete opposite. He is still a great kids, but he loves to push his limits and doesn't think of the consequenses. Their mother is doing a great job with both of them, they are just different.

Try reading KEEP YOUR SANITY: TEACH THEM TO CLEAN. The techniques in there, although are mainly for teaching kids to clean, can be adjusted for behavior as well. It gives you steps to follow. And it does have a small section in there about getting your kids to come to you when you ask them to. It's all about teaching them new habits and how to do that. Good luck to you, and know you haven't failed!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM

 

Quoting katemckenzie:

I have no advice. DS is a perfect angel everywhere else, but at home he's a reigning terror lately and no amount of discipline or punishments will deter him. He just doesn't give a shit. I've pretty much just decided I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and I know he'll grow out of this terrible twos shit soon enough.

 It KILLS me because she is almost FIVE! Her 2 year old sister acts way better than she does and there is no differnce in the way she is treated vs the way Livy is treated. I'm just not understanding WHY she chooses to act like such a defiant little brat

M4hayes1987
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM
My oldest is 7 and except for screaming she is exactly the same i dont think you failed i think maybe she needs something that is all hers my daughter does cheerleading and when she is doing that she is so tired she just sleeps after homework its so nice! When cheerleading is over its the same again maybe see if you can put her in a class where she is being worn out physically and mentally. Pop warner cheerleading is nationwide and starts at 5yrs old! Good luck!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:15 PM

 

Quoting M4hayes1987:

My oldest is 7 and except for screaming she is exactly the same i dont think you failed i think maybe she needs something that is all hers my daughter does cheerleading and when she is doing that she is so tired she just sleeps after homework its so nice! When cheerleading is over its the same again maybe see if you can put her in a class where she is being worn out physically and mentally. Pop warner cheerleading is nationwide and starts at 5yrs old! Good luck!

 She was in dance class but she was acting so terrible in there that the teacher and I both agreed that it wasn't fair to the other girls so we pulled her out. Until she learns to listen and stops acting like a crazed maniac when she's asked to do a simple favor or action I don't know if I want her in something where all she will do is disrupt.

I thought that dance would be a great thing give her an outlet but NOPE.

villagemamma
by Platinum Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:16 PM
my dd is almost 5 and is going through quite the stubborn butt head stage. I have definitely had days where I felt like I failed. I think they are just at that age where they are trying to establish their own independence. just stay consistent. don't allow the bad behavior to fly and you should see an improvement
nerdymom28
by Ruby Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:17 PM

 My oldest is like that...much more difficult than my youngest. Honestly, the only thing you can do is learn to pick your battles. If it's not of utmost importance that she do something or not do something, let it go. Only push the really important issues. There will still be struggle, but not near as much of it.

And about the issue of her only misbehaving for you...my mother always said that it was the kids who behaved for you and misbehave for everyone else that you have to watch out for. If they are only naughty for you, then you're doing something right.

pghmommyof5
by on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:20 PM

Have you had her hearing tested?


quinnsmom715
by Donna on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:20 PM
1 mom liked this

when did her behavior issues start?was it after her sister was born?do you think its a case of well at least they are paying attention to me instead of my sister,even if im in trouble..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 25, 2013 at 5:21 PM

 

Quoting nerdymom28:

 My oldest is like that...much more difficult than my youngest. Honestly, the only thing you can do is learn to pick your battles. If it's not of utmost importance that she do something or not do something, let it go. Only push the really important issues. There will still be struggle, but not near as much of it.

And about the issue of her only misbehaving for you...my mother always said that it was the kids who behaved for you and misbehave for everyone else that you ahave to watch out for. If they are only naughty for you, then you're doing something right.

 I do pick my battles but its the fact that I have to say "Olivia come here please " SIX to EIGHT times in a row to get her to even come to me that bothers me. I could be asking her to come to me to give her a piece of candy or to get her to sit down and eat dinner it doesnt matter and it's making me so mad.

I shouldnt have to repeat myself like a parrot. I should only have to call her name one maybe twice if she is in her room and I am in the kitchen since its not close. Drive me batty and its starting to really bother my husband

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