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how I found out my father was cheating UPDATE 11/28/13

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 109 Replies

UPDATE: So my siblings and I had a long talk last night when they got here and we decided that as some of you said mom would be really upset and feel betrayed if we knew and didn't tell her but at the same time we didn't want to put a damper on the meal. We waited until after lunch and then my oldest brother came out with it, he's a lawyer and he's extremely forward. My mother, as I expected, was just crushed and she kept denying it saying that it wasn't true that he would never do this to her and she went right to him and I expected him to deny. He didn't. He told her. My mom is going to come home with my husband, my kids and myself for the time being she doesn't want to stay in the same house as him and she can't even look at him. She's spent the majority of the afternoon locked in the guest room crying. Someone asked me why she never found the pictures. My parents always kept their offices a strict no entry zone to each other it was the ONE thing they each had that they didn't share. My mother was a SAHM but we had a lady who came in every Tuesday to clean that is why she's never found the photos.

Thank you for the kind words, the support and everything. I forsee this being a long and difficult road for my mother as well as our entire family.



My parents have been married for over thirty years and I always thought they were the perfect role models for a good, strong, loving marriage. When I married my husband I often told him I hoped that we would be like them in thirty years. I had no idea that for my dad it was all an act. Four days ago I went to have lunch with my best friend as we always do at least once during the week to catch up and have adult interaction as we both have three kids under six and it can get crazy. The place we went is a small cafe that we had never been before it was out of the way and there were only four other customers. We were just finishing with lunch when in walked a really pretty blonde about our age followed by my dad he spotted me and I could tell he was extremely uncomfortable but he introduced her as his secretary, Lillian and that they were on a business lunch. I was stupid enough to believe him, until today. We are at my parents house for Thanksgiving and I needed to answer some e-mails so I asked my dad if I could borrow his computer. I was in his office and I know I shouldn't have been but I was riffling through his desk looking for a pen when I came across pictures of him and his "secretary" there was one of them kissing, one of them embracing each other at a office party, even one of them in a hotel room where my dad had gone on a "business trip". I freaked out, went straight to my dad and asked him what the hell was going on. He got defensive but there was absolutely no way he could deny it and he told me that he had been carrying on this affair for almost four years now. It started when my mom no longer became interested in sex and he had just hired Lillian as his secretary. I asked him if he was planning to leave my mom and he said yes but he would wait until after the holidays because now that I knew there was no way that he could continue playing the role of dedicated husband.

I am crushed just absolutely crushed. I know my mom is going to lose it she has dedicated her entire life to my dad. They were married at eighteen and she was a SAHM until my brother went off to college a few years ago. I know she is going to spiral into depression. I can't fathom how she will react when she finds out the love of her life has been fucking his much younger secretary behind her back for FOUR damn years.

Happy Thanksgiving to me I guess.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:14 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:14 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

I am so sorry

I am more sorry for my mom who will have to find out after the holidays what a POS my father is.

CrossStitchMum
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:16 AM
I'm am so sorry ((hugs)) for you and your mom
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:17 AM


Quoting CrossStitchMum:

I'm am so sorry ((hugs)) for you and your mom

Thank you. It's such a heartbreaking thing to realize that you were idolizing something that wasn't real. To carry on an affair for FOUR years and never say anything or you know be kind enough to divorce your wife is the lowest thing ever.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:19 AM
My mom did it to my dad. Its heart breaking. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Its going to be a long road. Its been over ten years and while my dad is not as bad as he was...it is extremely painful still.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:21 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

My mom did it to my dad. Its heart breaking. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Its going to be a long road. Its been over ten years and while my dad is not as bad as he was...it is extremely painful still.

I am sitting in the guest bedroom right now and I am just at a loss for words. I have no clue how I will face him in the morning, my kids are at my MILs (lucky for me they live two streets over from my parents) and I am glad because I have been crying off and on since he told me. The girl he is screwing is MY AGE. Seriously. How could he look at someone my age and want to screw around with that?

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:21 AM

So sorry this is happening

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

4 years of lying, yeah, I'd lose all respect for the man.  I hope your Mom reacts well to the news and goes on to have a better life for herself.  Deep down I'm sure she must have some idea that things in her marriage aren't that great.  I hope she is smart and looks after her own best interests financially from now on.  Remind her of all the money he must have spend on his floozy secretary and demand she gets more than half of all their assets. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:23 AM
I don't know. :( I feel so bad for your mom. She's going to change. Just try to be patient with her and support and love her. Do you think you'll be able to maintain a relationship with your dad? I have a really hard time respecting my mother at all after what she did to my dad.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

My mom did it to my dad. Its heart breaking. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Its going to be a long road. Its been over ten years and while my dad is not as bad as he was...it is extremely painful still.

I am sitting in the guest bedroom right now and I am just at a loss for words. I have no clue how I will face him in the morning, my kids are at my MILs (lucky for me they live two streets over from my parents) and I am glad because I have been crying off and on since he told me. The girl he is screwing is MY AGE. Seriously. How could he look at someone my age and want to screw around with that?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 28, 2013 at 12:24 AM


Quoting Sassy762:

So sorry this is happening

I am in shock, I think. It's like someone has passed away or something and I guess I am mourning the loss of what I thought was the perfect family. My sister and my two brothers will be here in soon and I don't know how I will keep from blurting out what is going on. I do not even want to face him tomorrow!

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