You know. I was always told that God would never give you more than you can handle but right now I have reached the more than I can handle. I can't think about anything anymore without getting dizzy with thoughts and just not being able to think straight because of everything. First its infertility then its my knees giving out then my car breaking down then DH's company suddenly shutting down for two weeks and they will be shutting down again in a week for 2-4 weeks so he is looking for a new job then my brother.. He is abusing my family who I am not currently living with. DH and I were planning on moving in in January so that my brother can move out but things have gone to far. Yelling is one thing but now he is laying his hands on people and choking them and throwing things at them. A fight broke out today when DH, my toddler and myself were there. My brother started yelling and throwing shit at myself and my sister and DH got up and was fixing to beat the shit out of my brother but he decided he wasn't worth it and he got himself together and took my son and left for my sons protection. It kept escalating when suddenly my brother started looking in a place where he usually keeps his gun so I called the police. I am just done. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to move in with my family because they are not able to pay the bills. I like coming home to my house without everything added. I don't want to take care of my mom right now I don't want just any of it. It is to much for me to handle. I can't fucking do it. I keep trying to think and it is like my mind turns into this black hole of spinning suction.. What is wrong with me? Why was I born into this family? Where my father and mother abused us physically, mentally and verbally almost daily, where myself and all of my siblings have PTSD because of that. Where I was molested and raped by my cousins for most of my life? Why the hell do the cops take the side of my brother?! I don't care if he is military or friends with all of the cops in town abusing people and throwing things at them and trying to kill them is illegal last I checked but no. Being a soldier is not a fucking excuse to hurt people for no reason and honestly I don't care. He is hiding behind that uniform now. It is how he has gotten out of three DWIs now and how he has not been arrested for violence against his family.. So I am lost, I am finished. I am fucking done.