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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am done..

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies

You know. I was always told that God would never give you more than you can handle but right now I have reached the more than I can handle. I can't think about anything anymore without getting dizzy with thoughts and just not being able to think straight because of everything. First its infertility then its my knees giving out then my car breaking down then DH's company suddenly shutting down for two weeks and they will be shutting down again in a week for 2-4 weeks so he is looking for a new job then my brother.. He is abusing my family who I am not currently living with. DH and I were planning on moving in in January so that my brother can move out but things have gone to far. Yelling is one thing but now he is laying his hands on people and choking them and throwing things at them. A fight broke out today when DH, my toddler and myself were there. My brother started yelling and throwing shit at myself and my sister and DH got up and was fixing to beat the shit out of my brother but he decided he wasn't worth it and he got himself together and took my son and left for my sons protection. It kept escalating when suddenly my brother started looking in a place where he usually keeps his gun so I called the police. I am just done. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to move in with my family because they are not able to pay the bills. I like coming home to my house without everything added. I don't want to take care of my mom right now I don't want just any of it. It is to much for me to handle. I can't fucking do it. I keep trying to think and it is like my mind turns into this black hole of spinning suction.. What is wrong with me? Why was I born into this family? Where my father and mother abused us physically, mentally and verbally almost daily, where myself and all of my siblings have PTSD because of that. Where I was molested and raped by my cousins for most of my life? Why the hell do the cops take the side of my brother?! I don't care if he is military or friends with all of the cops in town abusing people and throwing things at them and trying to kill them is illegal last I checked but no.  Being a soldier is not a fucking excuse to hurt people for no reason and honestly I don't care. He is hiding behind that uniform now. It is how he has gotten out of three DWIs now and how he has not been arrested for violence against his family.. So I am lost, I am finished. I am fucking done.

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:06 AM
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Replies (1-6):
luvmybug
by Amanda on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:08 AM
Please don't give up... :(
heldcaptiveby2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:14 AM
I am so sorry
Don't give up, things will get better
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:16 AM

It is to that point where, like.. I don't feel like I have any other options. I have held it together for so fucking long to the best of my abilities always believing that it will eventually get better but after this, after seeing the monster my brother has turned into, the monster I fought to keep away from my siblings for so fucking long. There is a reason that when my dad was going after my siblings to hit them I would do whatever I could to keep him off of them, there is a reason I took care of my family since I was a child and dropped out of school to care for them. I wanted my siblings to be better than this. No more abused children or abused wives, no more molestation or rape. But apparently nothing I did for him was good enough. Giving up my life for him isn't good enough. He tries to say he sacrificed everything for his family when he has done nothing. Paying bills while you are living there is not sacrificial in any manner, beating your family is not sacrificial, always destroying the house and throwing parties and driving drunk is not sacrificial.


Quoting luvmybug:

Please don't give up... :(



luvmybug
by Amanda on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:18 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

It is to that point where, like.. I don't feel like I have any other options. I have held it together for so fucking long to the best of my abilities always believing that it will eventually get better but after this, after seeing the monster my brother has turned into, the monster I fought to keep away from my siblings for so fucking long. There is a reason that when my dad was going after my siblings to hit them I would do whatever I could to keep him off of them, there is a reason I took care of my family since I was a child and dropped out of school to care for them. I wanted my siblings to be better than this. No more abused children or abused wives, no more molestation or rape. But apparently nothing I did for him was good enough. Giving up my life for him isn't good enough. He tries to say he sacrificed everything for his family when he has done nothing. Paying bills while you are living there is not sacrificial in any manner, beating your family is not sacrificial, always destroying the house and throwing parties and driving drunk is not sacrificial.


Quoting luvmybug:Please don't give up... :(




Is there any way you could get him away from your family? Have you called the cops when he goes into a rage. Maybe a restraining order? Something? I'm so sorry you are in this position. I wish I could do more... :(
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:22 AM

The only way would be DH and I moving in with them when my brother moves out. If we don't my mom will become homeless because she is severely disabled BUT it can be fixed with therapy. My brother keeps taking the car and not letting her go though. Thing is that my family would rather put up with the abuse than throw my brother out because he is currently the financial stability in the house. This is the first time I have been there for one of his violent blow ups and that is the only reason the cops got called. But the cops in this town won't do shit because they are on his side.


Quoting luvmybug:

Quoting Anonymous:

It is to that point where, like.. I don't feel like I have any other options. I have held it together for so fucking long to the best of my abilities always believing that it will eventually get better but after this, after seeing the monster my brother has turned into, the monster I fought to keep away from my siblings for so fucking long. There is a reason that when my dad was going after my siblings to hit them I would do whatever I could to keep him off of them, there is a reason I took care of my family since I was a child and dropped out of school to care for them. I wanted my siblings to be better than this. No more abused children or abused wives, no more molestation or rape. But apparently nothing I did for him was good enough. Giving up my life for him isn't good enough. He tries to say he sacrificed everything for his family when he has done nothing. Paying bills while you are living there is not sacrificial in any manner, beating your family is not sacrificial, always destroying the house and throwing parties and driving drunk is not sacrificial.



Quoting luvmybug:Please don't give up... :(






Is there any way you could get him away from your family? Have you called the cops when he goes into a rage. Maybe a restraining order? Something? I'm so sorry you are in this position. I wish I could do more... :(



Droyal14u
by Bronze Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 1:25 AM

Awwwwww girly....I feel your pain. I would distance myself from every one of them. Do not allow them to intimidate or abuse you further! You have the right to a good life and if the price you have to pay is distance, so be it. Get some counseling, take yoga, keep a journal....whatever it takes to find peace. Your husband and child deserve the loving, peaceful you, not the stressed out, frustrated you.  I left the south at 18 and have only visited because of similar reasons. I can only hear about all the drama, but it doesn't swirl about me and drag me under. I moved from the east coast to the west coast. Distance helped immensely! I wish you the best of luck....sending strength and hugs your way. hugs

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