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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My homophobic sister in law is causing Christmas drama

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 279 Replies
5 moms liked this

My husband and I have Christmas at our house every year. We're the only ones who can accomodate a big group because of our house size/layout. My son is 19 and in college about 45 minutes away. He's a wonderful young man who happens to be gay. He has a boyfriend and invited him to Christmas at our house since he can't afford to fly home for the holidays. I have met him and really liked him, and I'm excited to spend Christmas with him and my son together.

My sister in law called today to confirm plans and to start planning what she would bring. She asked if it was just "the usual" crowd coming, which is my family (my parents, my 2 siblings and families) and his family (his parents, his 3 siblings and their families). I said yes, and that Eric would be having his boyfriend here (just as my neices and nephews often bring their SO's).

She got quiet and said "oh." Basically, long story short, she said that I know that her and her husband don't approve of homosexuality and don't want to expose their kids (12, 10 and 8) to it in a situation that presents it as "normal or okay". She seemed to think that I was doing it to somehow personally spite her. I told her if felt that way, she's free to keep her opinion to herself when she's here, or to not come for Christmas. 

My other SIL called half an hour later and said my SIL was hurt that I "disinvited her because of her religion" (???) and that "family should come first", so I should disinvite my son's boyfriend because it upsets her. I told her that that wasn't happening, and they're free to make plans of their own if it bothers them.

Ugh. I can't believe this bullshit is coming up in my own family. I have never said a bad word about her religion or her views to her, but she feels she can lecture me on who I'm having at MY home?

Update (December 19): She called me and told me that her 12 year old had been "crying all night" because she told the kids they weren't come from Christmas, so they wouldn't get to see his cousins or grandparents on Christmas. I said I was sorry to hear that. She said "ya, I'll bet you are" in a snarky tone and hung up.

Officially putting her out of my mind and looking forward to Christmas with my family and other loved ones, but what a psychotic woman. 

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
emandab
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:47 PM
7 moms liked this

You did nothing wrong.  Were you not supposed to invite your son either? lol

sheramom4
by Ruby Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:49 PM
10 moms liked this

I would let it known that they can both skip the family Christmas this year and that your son's significant others will always be welcome. I would not,out up with it at all. And her oldest is 12 and she thinks the child does not know there are gay couples in the world? 

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:51 PM
6 moms liked this
I don't find fault with either of you.

She has the right to believe as she does, and she's also free to stay home.

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sugieboogieboo
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM
28 moms liked this

Um, family does come first. Your son's happiness is more important than her level of comfort. 

Frankly, I wouldn't allow bigots in my home at all. The fact she was invited in the first place shows how much more mature you are. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM

she can keep her religion at her home for christma then. I'd rather be happy with my son and his bf in my home for christmas than have her thre with my son refusing to come because of her

CABZS
by Emerald Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this
Your SIL wouldn't be welcome in my home that is for sure.
DanaG70
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM
3 moms liked this

I would tell the second SIL that you never dis-invited her because of her religion, but because of her bigotry.

I hate people like that.

CotterpinDoozer
by Gold Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM

So, does she think your son shouldn't be there either or what's her deal? You did nothing wrong, you simply suggested if she was that upset she could make alternate arrangements. She doesn't get to dictate who is a guest in your home.

FoxFire363
by Ruby Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:53 PM
7 moms liked this
Good for you. Your son is a lucky young man to have such a supportive mom. I would remind them that your son is family, and is gay, and will always be welcome.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I think she understands that her oldest knows that gay couples exist, but many times these type of people want to make sure that gay is never portrayed as positive. They want to continue to demonize it to their children so they never think it's a normal or acceptable way of life. It's actually rather sad.


Quoting sheramom4:

I would let it known that they can both skip the family Christmas this year and that your son's significant others will always be welcome. I would not,out up with it at all. And her oldest is 12 and she thinks the child does not know there are gay couples in the world? 



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