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Grandparent Vent UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have 3 kids....9 year old twins and a 4 year old.

My Dad ADORES the twins and wants to keep them every Friday. Awesome. I don't go out or do anything, because DH has to work on Saturdays, but they enjoy it, so I'm happy to let them go.

The problem is, my 4 year old NEVER gets to go. They won't take her, even for a couple of hours. And that hurts her feelings. I feel bad for her, because she gets left out a lot. Now that basketball season is in, they won't let her come over at all because "they want to watch their game". She wants to have a relationship with my Dad and stepmom and they won't let her. My MIL lives out of state, but even when she was here, she had nothing to do with DD because she and DH don't get along and my mom lives out of state, but if she DID live here, she'd be active in all 3 kids' lives.

I don't want to punish my kids by not letting them go to my Dad's, but I am getting sick of DD getting left behind.

The real kicker? They just live across the main street from me. It is LITERALLY a 2 minute walk from my house to theirs. And I try to take DD over there at other times, but they always have some excuse, like they are tired and need a nap or my step mom has a headache.

DD is really well behaved, but she isn't as self sufficient as my older two.

What should I do?



***UPDATE***

I am going to talk to my Dad today and point out that, though they may not realize it, my 4 year old is hurting that they don't take her. I'm going to let them know that I don't want nor expect them to keep her overnight, but that they need to start including her a little bit more, maybe let her come over without the other two for a hour or so.

She's a great kid. Very entertaining and funny. But yes, she does require more attention than the other two. However, my Dad and stepmom aren't exactly ready for the nursing home. My Dad is 57 and my stepmom is around 50.

For those that may not think I care, I DO care, obviously. I just want to try to avoid hurting ANY of the kids, so I came here looking for some advice. Stupid, I know, considering the group, but whatever. Thank you to those that DID offer me advice. I appreciate it.



*****UPDATE 2*****

So, I talked to them. It went well. They said they didn't realize that she was noticing and have agreed to let her have her own time with them. So they took her for a couple of hours today, while the twins where here with me. (they also hyped her up on cake and ice cream) and they offered to take all 3 tomorrow so DH and I could go to the movies, their treat as a gift to me (my birthday is this week).

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Replies (11-20):
KJ786
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I know you don't want to ruin it for your other kids, but I wouldn't let the twins go anymore, as long as your other child is still left out. I think it is extremely unfair, and I agree with you that they should be treated equally.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:58 PM

No. They are boy/girl

Quoting Anonymous: Are the twins boys


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:59 PM

I don't even expect them to keep her over night. She's never spent a night away from DH and I. But She would be content to go over there for a hour or so, just to spend time with them, ya know?

Quoting KJ786: I know you don't want to ruin it for your other kids, but I wouldn't let the twins go anymore, as long as your other child is still left out. I think it is extremely unfair, and I agree with you that they should be treated equally.


polkaspots
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:59 PM
I understand not wanting to take care of a four year old, mine turns four in a few weeks. But you said you live across the street, it's not like you'd be dropping her off and leaving the country. To not want to spend time with her is just mean and I wouldn't allow people to influence my kids like that.

Quoting Anonymous:

Exactly. When she WAS a baby, they got mad because I didn't bring her around enough. Now, they act like having her around is the hardest thing ever.

Quoting polkaspots: Your parents are being so mean to her. I wouldn't have my parents in my life of they only like one of my kids (I currently only have two). I understand not wanting to watch the younger one, but she's four years old, not four months old.


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KJ786
by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:00 PM
Yeah, it's understandable! It's so sad that they choose favorites and won't allow it. I don't get some people...

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even expect them to keep her over night. She's never spent a night away from DH and I. But She would be content to go over there for a hour or so, just to spend time with them, ya know?

Quoting KJ786: I know you don't want to ruin it for your other kids, but I wouldn't let the twins go anymore, as long as your other child is still left out. I think it is extremely unfair, and I agree with you that they should be treated equally.


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Zazayam
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:00 PM

Are they playing favorites or is a four year old just too much for them? I mean, it all probably looks the same to the youngest kid but if there's a reason behind it they might be open to talking about it and making a bit of an effort to do stuff with the youngest if you tag along or something..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:01 PM
I'd tell the youngest that it's okay because you and her get to have special one on one time. But knowing my kids if they knew their sister was upset they'd stay home without me even forbidding it. Could it be her age? Her personality?
.PinkHart.
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:02 PM
You explain to them that their sibling is being excluded so therefore no one goes. How sad you would rather continue to hurt the 4 year old just so they don't get their feelings hurt. Seems like you are just as bad as your parents.

Quoting Anonymous:

But how do I do that without hurting the other two? It's a situation where SOMEONE will get hurt. I've talked to my Dad about it before and he says I'm over reacting, that it's not like that, but it TOTALLY is.

Quoting .PinkHart.: I would stop letting my child feel unwanted. No one would go. I won't allow any one to play favorites and hurt one of my kids. Stop allowing them to hurt the poor kid.


mrswillie
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:02 PM
1 mom liked this
If they couldn't take all of them they shouldn't take any of them. All the kids need to be treated equally. I take my three grandsons at once. They are brothers. The oldest is 8, the next is 5 and he is autistic and nonverbal, and the youngest is 1.
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Howardx5
by Platinum Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this
if they cant treat them equal they dont need to be seeing of them
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