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Grandparent Vent UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have 3 kids....9 year old twins and a 4 year old.

My Dad ADORES the twins and wants to keep them every Friday. Awesome. I don't go out or do anything, because DH has to work on Saturdays, but they enjoy it, so I'm happy to let them go.

The problem is, my 4 year old NEVER gets to go. They won't take her, even for a couple of hours. And that hurts her feelings. I feel bad for her, because she gets left out a lot. Now that basketball season is in, they won't let her come over at all because "they want to watch their game". She wants to have a relationship with my Dad and stepmom and they won't let her. My MIL lives out of state, but even when she was here, she had nothing to do with DD because she and DH don't get along and my mom lives out of state, but if she DID live here, she'd be active in all 3 kids' lives.

I don't want to punish my kids by not letting them go to my Dad's, but I am getting sick of DD getting left behind.

The real kicker? They just live across the main street from me. It is LITERALLY a 2 minute walk from my house to theirs. And I try to take DD over there at other times, but they always have some excuse, like they are tired and need a nap or my step mom has a headache.

DD is really well behaved, but she isn't as self sufficient as my older two.

What should I do?


I am going to talk to my Dad today and point out that, though they may not realize it, my 4 year old is hurting that they don't take her. I'm going to let them know that I don't want nor expect them to keep her overnight, but that they need to start including her a little bit more, maybe let her come over without the other two for a hour or so.

She's a great kid. Very entertaining and funny. But yes, she does require more attention than the other two. However, my Dad and stepmom aren't exactly ready for the nursing home. My Dad is 57 and my stepmom is around 50.

For those that may not think I care, I DO care, obviously. I just want to try to avoid hurting ANY of the kids, so I came here looking for some advice. Stupid, I know, considering the group, but whatever. Thank you to those that DID offer me advice. I appreciate it.

*****UPDATE 2*****

So, I talked to them. It went well. They said they didn't realize that she was noticing and have agreed to let her have her own time with them. So they took her for a couple of hours today, while the twins where here with me. (they also hyped her up on cake and ice cream) and they offered to take all 3 tomorrow so DH and I could go to the movies, their treat as a gift to me (my birthday is this week).

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Replies (31-40):
by *JuStRITa* on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting .PinkHart.: I would stop letting my child feel unwanted. No one would go. I won't allow any one to play favorites and hurt one of my kids. Stop allowing them to hurt the poor kid.
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by Buzz Lightyear on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:15 PM

how old were the older two when your dad started taking them?

by on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Agree with most moms.

They either have a relationship with all or with none.

Poor 4 yr ild. She knows and feels whats going on.

Mom, your job is to protect them all. You know what u have to do. Dint be affraid to let them know...

by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:16 PM

Quoting .PinkHart.: I would stop letting my child feel unwanted. No one would go. I won't allow any one to play favorites and hurt one of my kids. Stop allowing them to hurt the poor kid.

by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:18 PM

I am sorry it would be all or nothing.

by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:20 PM
Oh hell no. No! None of them would go.

I'd tell the twins that can't go because their little sister is getting left out every.single.time they go and it's not fair. If they cannot grasp that concept, show them how it feels to be left out by someone they love.

Maybe I'm too hard but I'd be damned if one of the kids would continue to be hurt over and over again.
by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:22 PM

well,your 9 year olds are old enough to understand that this is hurting their little sisters feelings..

by Anonymous 8 on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:22 PM

You have to put a stop to it.  As long as you allow it, it will continue to happen . . .and your youngest is getting old enough to really notice and be affected by it. 

Tell them that they have to be fair and spend time with. Her as well, or the visits from the twins will stop.  They don't have to take her at the same time.  All 3at once may be too much, especially since you said she tends to boss them and cause arguments.  So, it may be better if they take her at a different time.

And at this point, I think you need to let your DD ask them why she never gets to go.  Or why they don't like her, if she's starting to feel that way.  Or let the twins comment on how it hurts little sisters feelings. Sometimes hearing it from the mouth of the child really drives the point ome that they ARE being unfair, that the kids ARE noticing and that feelings ARE being hurt.

by Ruby Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:22 PM

 I would tell them if they cant do stuff with her as well they dont get the other kids. It's different when they dont realize what is happening but if she realizes and it's hurting her then it just wouldn't happen anymore. Now is that fair to the 9 yr olds I dunno. not really. I dunno this is a tuffy. My kids are closer in age but I was going to do this to my in laws if they didn't start including my oldest son when they took my 5 yr old dd. They take both now and i never had to say anything. so Im not really sure what to tell ya. either way I'd being having a talk with my parents about it. and with my 9 yr olds as well and explain the situation in an age appoirate way. Good Luck!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2013 at 8:25 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting MariannLws:

If all 3 grandchildren can not go to grandma and grandpa's house then no one gets to go. 

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