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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

16yo dating a 21yo... what's the big deal?

Posted by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:36 PM
  • 214 Replies
3 moms liked this

Is it really that weird?

I met my husband when I was 16. We had similar interests, values, were at a similar level in terms of where our futures were going. My dad wholeheartedly approved of him. His mother and mine were less enthusiastic, but for reasons unrelated to age. 

We're more than a decade out now, I'm still scratching my head as to why, when I tell people how old I was when we first started dating, they're often a little taken aback or even squicked out. There was nothing weird or exploitative about our relationship, it kind of unnerves me that people assume that must be the case. We were both intelligent, ambitious, developing young adults. We grew up a lot in those years, but we grew together and had a blast doing it. Our relationship changed and grew as we did. We're still growing and learning, I hope that never stops.

What's the big deal?

by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:41 PM
No clue so here's a bump.
nonnarae
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:42 PM
Squicked out love it!
Zazayam
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:42 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't think it's always something weird, but I don't think it's always something as good as what you two have. Not all 16 or 21 y.o's are the same, know what I mean?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:44 PM
I personally do not think it is a good idea because i was that 16 year old with a 21 year old and it wasn't a good idea. I learned from it and my dd will not be allowed to date a man who is 21 when she is 16, he will go to jail if dh doesn't get to him first.
Hannahluvsdogs
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:45 PM
12 moms liked this
Because often in that situation the older person is taking advantage of the younger person.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:45 PM
Idk...
Grumpy.Cat
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:46 PM

Why would he go to jail?

Maybe the laws are different where you live. Here, 14-15 year olds are perfectly legal with someone within 5 years of their age, and 16 is legal with anyone who's not in a position of power (ie teacher, doctor, sports coach).

Quoting Anonymous: I personally do not think it is a good idea because i was that 16 year old with a 21 year old and it wasn't a good idea. I learned from it and my dd will not be allowed to date a man who is 21 when she is 16, he will go to jail if dh doesn't get to him first.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:49 PM
This. A 21 going after a 16 year old is a sure sign he's run adults off.

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs: Because often in that situation the older person is taking advantage of the younger person.
Grumpy.Cat
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Well, people take advantage of one another at all ages. Sad, but it's certainly not exclusive to mid-late teens dating early 20s.

Predators will prey on those who they see as weak and vulnerable, regardless of age. If a 16 year old is weak and vulnerable and needy, she's going to be a target. If she's not, she won't be a target, or at least won't fall for it.

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs: Because often in that situation the older person is taking advantage of the younger person.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 8, 2013 at 5:50 PM
In my state it is illegal and honestly he would be better of in jail where my dh can't get to him.

Quoting Grumpy.Cat:

Why would he go to jail?

Maybe the laws are different where you live. Here, 14-15 year olds are perfectly legal with someone within 5 years of their age, and 16 is legal with anyone who's not in a position of power (ie teacher, doctor, sports coach).

Quoting Anonymous: I personally do not think it is a good idea because i was that 16 year old with a 21 year old and it wasn't a good idea. I learned from it and my dd will not be allowed to date a man who is 21 when she is 16, he will go to jail if dh doesn't get to him first.


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