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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Middle school teacher rejects gifts?

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:52 PM
  • 34 Replies

I have always given gifts to elementary teachers. I always thought they appreciated them. Now my youngest ds is in middle school. He has autism and is in a contained classroom. I figured I would still give gifts as he still has only one teacher and several para-eds. At Halloween I got told off when I asked his teacher what he would like. He said he is paid to teach my son and gifts make him feel uncomfortable and awkward and was quite hostile about it. This shocked me because I enjoy giving gifts as appreciation even though it's their job. I thought it was nice to say Thank you too. Just like tipping.  Anyway, now it's Christmas and I asked ds speech therapist at school if she could accept gifts?  I have a good relationship with her, I thought.  She emailed back that working with my son is her job and she would feel better if I didn't get her a gift. She was very polite unlike the regular teacher. I feel hurt and I just don't understand why they don't want gifts. I always found out what teachers liked before so I couldn't have a reputation for useless gifts.  Am I crazy to feel bad and rejected?  Please don't respond if you have a bash to say although kind words agreeing or disagreeing would be appreciated.  By the way there is not a policy against gifts at the school


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by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
.strawberry.
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:55 PM

Personally, I hate receiving gifts. It does make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, like I suddenly have to give thanks to someone for something that I didn't ask for to begin with. You now feel like you are in debt to them like they have done you this service, that you didn't ask for. Giving gifts really isn't about them (the person receiving)... it's about you. It's the feeling you get when you give them. Otherwise, you just wouldn't give them. Don't put that kind of pressure on me!  LOL!  I can understand why they don't want it. 

blue-heart
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:55 PM
They probably got a lot of bad gifts in the past.
Melmac7819
by Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:57 PM
Sounds like a school policy since you got the same response from both. Maybe check the student handbook.
imthatgirl0607
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:57 PM
You should be happy they were honest with you.
SpnFulOfSugar
by Emerald Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like a school policy
myshoes
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:00 PM
5 moms liked this

I am sorry that you have been rejected in such a way.  ESPECIALLY as a parent of a child with Autism.  I can only think that they never want it to look like they are doing more with your child because they received a gift from you.  Perhaps you can contact your school PTO and ask if there is something you can donate to the "classroom" or if there is something you can gift to the library.  Please know that your local fire dept and police dept would love to be reminded of your appreciation at this time of year. (a gift card to a local grocery for your fire dept. is awesome since they have to eat at the firestation for 24 hours at a time). You are a thoughtful and kind person, I am sorry that you were so rejected!

sheloveearth
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:06 PM

I agree with myshoes, get something that everyone in the classroom can use. Sometimes, if others find out about you giving a gift, they may think that the teacher will then have some sort of favoritism towards that child. Also, everyone does not celebrate Christmas, and will not take a gift offered because of the holiday, lots to consider when giving a gift, it just isn't worth offending anyone.

Sadmom18025
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:25 PM

It's not, I checked!


Quoting Melmac7819: Sounds like a school policy since you got the same response from both. Maybe check the student handbook.


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stephiebugg
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 Ask to instead send in extra needed supplies.

Sadmom18025
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:27 PM


Quoting imthatgirl0607: You should be happy they were honest with you.

I'd rather they had accepted a gift graciously and gave it away to someone else or through it in the trash.


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