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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My, slightly controversial, way of parenting *confession* *edit*

Posted by   + Show Post

I use the code of hammurabi to parent my kids.  For those of you that don't know what that is, its where "an eye for an eye" comes from. 

I don't go to the same extreme as Hammurabi though. I wouldn't go around cutting their hands off. 

Here are some examples of what I mean

If they steal something, they get something stolen from them. Meaning I will take something from them and NEVER give it back or buy them a replacement. Most likely I'll sell it, give it to the person they stole from or send it to the salvation army.

If they use bad language or talk back to an adult I have them hold their tounge until I tell them to stop.  It gets uncomfortable and they can't talk (also they look silly).  

If they neglect their responsibilities because they don't want to, I neglect my responsibilities. "Oops I didn't want to take you to dance practice" seems to get to my oldest and "I don't want to go to the pool" works for my youngest.  


Of course this goes both ways. If they do something good, good things are returned to them.


I think it teaches empathy for other people. They don't want things to happen to them, so they don't do bad things to others. They respect others because they want to be respected as well. They know that whatever they do, or don't do to/for someone elsec an be returned to them tenfold.  It also teaches them that if they good for other people, good things will happen to them. It works


Bash away. 


I am too lazy to read and reply to all the messages so I am just going to address the FAQs right here. 

1. What will happen when they try this on someone else? 

Answer: They won't. They know that I am the adult and they are the children. They know it is not their place to discipline anyone else, but it is my job to discipline/reward them as I see fit. We are not equals. Did you ever try to give your friends spankings as a kid just because your parents spanked you? No (at least if you are a normal person you didn't)

2. How long do they hold their tongue for?

Answer: It varies depending on exactly what was said. 10 minutes is long enough. And yes they can breathe and swallow. 

3. If it worked they wouldn't be doing those things?

Answer: It works, so they don't. When my kids came to me they were used to being on their own. So stealing, being disrespectful and shirking responsibilities were all they knew. Now, they have me, and I like order. So they respect that, and they respect others around them.

4. Does it really teach them anything but revenge?

Answer: Yes. My kids are egoists, they put themselves 1st (it comes from having to fend for themselves). By showing them how things they do feel to other people, in terms of themselves, they learn empathy. Before I started this they wouldn't care about how someone else felt when they stole something from them or called them a name. Now they know how it feels, so they don't inflict that pain to someone else. 

5. What do I do if they hit someone else?

Answer: We haven't crossed this bridge. But I am not opposed to spanking so that would probably be what happens (or something equally as emotionally painful for my youngest).  My kids don't hit each other, or other people. My youngest is terrified getting hit, so she doesn't hit others (because she has learned that everything that she does has an equal outcome) My oldest hasn't hit anyone. They aren't violent kids (also I think they are too old to be "hitting". That is something a 4 year old does when they don't get their way). 

And yes, I do let them defend themselves if a problem persists and all avenues have been explored before it. 

How old are they?

They are 8 and 10. Fully capable of understanding cause and effect. 


by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 4:36 PM
Replies (391-400):
Raven47
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 1:19 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

    With the examples you gave I see nothing wrong with your parenting.  It's just showing them that their actions have consequences.

reindeer 1reindeer 2reindeer 2reindeer 2sleigh

These are not real life consequences.

If I steal your purse you do not get to steal my purse in return.

If I neglect a responsibility at my job the boss doesn't say ... oops, you're not getting your paycheck.

If I curse, no normal person is going to attempt to force me to stick out my tongue until they say I can put my tongue back in my mouth.

These are examples of bullying ... spitefulness ... and control.  That is what it's "teaching" ... and it's going come out (sooner or later) in children who are being raised by the OP's methods. 






Kitty_Myrick
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 1:42 PM

     I still don't see anything wrong here we all parent differently and what works for you won't work for everyone and one method might work now but not work latter as the child grows. And yes if you don't live up to your responsibilities at work you do "lose" your paycheck.  And any form of authority over another can be twisted to being call bulling.

gift

Quoting Raven47:


Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

    With the examples you gave I see nothing wrong with your parenting.  It's just showing them that their actions have consequences.

reindeer 1reindeer 2reindeer 2reindeer 2sleigh

These are not real life consequences.

If I steal your purse you do not get to steal my purse in return.

If I neglect a responsibility at my job the boss doesn't say ... oops, you're not getting your paycheck.

If I curse, no normal person is going to attempt to force me to stick out my tongue until they say I can put my tongue back in my mouth.

These are examples of bullying ... spitefulness ... and control.  That is what it's "teaching" ... and it's going come out (sooner or later) in children who are being raised by the OP's methods. 







Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 11, 2013 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm convinced this was a post made by admin to generate traffic. The site needs this traffic. This is the best way to do it. They are smart.
Raven47
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting BrightKisses: Around what age would you recommend doing this? My dd just turned 4 and while I love this concept, I'm a bit worried she may be too young. Right now she just gets no tv time if she acts up.

I recommend that you *never use any of the OP's methods of so-called discipline with your child.

In the future, if someone steals something out of your daughter's school locker do you then want her to go to their locker, and steal something out of it?

If you neglect to get your daughter up on time (one morning) causing her to be late for school ... do you want your daughter to retaliate by purposely doing something to cause you to be late for work?

Do you want to raise your daughter to believe that it's OK to humiliate peope if they use bad language or do something else that she doesn't like? 

This is what you will be "teaching" your daughter!



mahyla
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 2:57 PM
Hey! I just learned something new about parenting...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Raven47
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 3:01 PM
Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

     I still don't see anything wrong here we all parent differently and what works for you won't work for everyone and one method might work now but not work latter as the child grows. And yes if you don't live up to your responsibilities at work you do "lose" your paycheck.  And any form of authority over another can be twisted to being call bulling.

gift

Quoting Raven47:


Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

    With the examples you gave I see nothing wrong with your parenting.  It's just showing them that their actions have consequences.

reindeer 1reindeer 2reindeer 2reindeer 2sleigh

These are not real life consequences.

If I steal your purse you do not get to steal my purse in return.

If I neglect a responsibility at my job the boss doesn't say ... oops, you're not getting your paycheck.

If I curse, no normal person is going to attempt to force me to stick out my tongue until they say I can put my tongue back in my mouth.

These are examples of bullying ... spitefulness ... and control.  That is what it's "teaching" ... and it's going come out (sooner or later) in children who are being raised by the OP's methods. 







Raven47
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 3:01 PM
Quoting Raven47:
Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

     I still don't see anything wrong here we all parent differently and what works for you won't work for everyone and one method might work now but not work latter as the child grows. And yes if you don't live up to your responsibilities at work you do "lose" your paycheck.  And any form of authority over another can be twisted to being call bulling.

gift

Quoting Raven47:


Quoting Kitty_Myrick:

    With the examples you gave I see nothing wrong with your parenting.  It's just showing them that their actions have consequences.

reindeer 1reindeer 2reindeer 2reindeer 2sleigh

These are not real life consequences.

If I steal your purse you do not get to steal my purse in return.

If I neglect a responsibility at my job the boss doesn't say ... oops, you're not getting your paycheck.

If I curse, no normal person is going to attempt to force me to stick out my tongue until they say I can put my tongue back in my mouth.

These are examples of bullying ... spitefulness ... and control.  That is what it's "teaching" ... and it's going come out (sooner or later) in children who are being raised by the OP's methods. 







katrina.0822
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 3:02 PM

 Pfft. Some people think telling your child "no" is abuse lol

I see the point though, cause and affect. I might do this when DS gets older. So far spanking, time out and "toy removal" works but I'll definitely do the tongue thing for swearing. I used to get pepper or tabasco on my tongue. I would much rather have to hold it.

Quoting AliKatAK47:

I know. I got the idea from a friend's mother. But I know some people think its "abuse". 

Quoting Anonymous: You are not the only one that does that style of parenting... :)


 

Raven47
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

You may eventually lose your job for being irresponsible, but you ARE going to get your PAYCHECK before you get fired.

Your boss doesn't get to keep a weeks pay (from you), because you didn't empty the trash cans.

AliKatAK47
by Meanie Pants on Dec. 11, 2013 at 3:16 PM

?????

Quoting Anonymous: I'm convinced this was a post made by admin to generate traffic. The site needs this traffic. This is the best way to do it. They are smart.


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