so, I have been planning on leaving my dh for a long time. I refuse to leave with nothing so I have been working my ass off at school so I can be self sufficient when I do go. less than two years left at this point but it is soooooooooooo fucking hard sometimes. a part of me hopes he pulls his head out of his ass, but I doubt he will ever fully get it. i have to admit, it has gotten better than what it was but it is not what I expect. and with the shit he has put me through, I will not settle again.
when he got home from Afghanistan he was a really awful man. certainly not the man i married. I stayed and fought hard for our marriage because I was a young stupid girl who was afraid of life and didn't know how to make it on my own and because he was a war vet clearly damaged by the war and i didn't want to be that awful of a person. i wanted to help him. he was sick. about a year ago he finally stopped being violent towards me and turned out to be amazing. except that he is fucking lazy! he is the epitome of a lazy fucking slob and i can't stand it. he doesn't pick up after himself. he doesn't pick up after anything. when i ask him to help around the house, he says he will then falls asleep on the couch, and if i DARE wake him, he trys to make me cower in fear by yelling and getting aggressive (NOT physical). i literally laugh about it now because if he ever put his hands on me, id have him locked up ASAP. he doesn't have a career I need to protect anymore to feed the kids. he has failed clases since he started school becaus ehe is lazy and a procrastinator. and he expects me to pick up the slack so he can turn out this shitty assignments due in 2 hours.
i want certain things out of life and i know that if I stay with him he will constantly drag me down. iw ill constantly have to pick up his slack and i don't want that. i want a fair marriage. not necessarily equal, because i believe in everyone working to their strong points to acheive a common goal in families, but FUCK. he wants everyone else to do the work while he sleeps on the couch. i just don't know if I can hold out until graduation anymore.
im just venting. comment if ya want... i don't even know if that shit makes sense.