We've been having a hell of a time divvying up holidays. We've got half figured out; my stepdad and his wife will get Christmas Eve morning with us and our 1 yo DD per their idea, and Christmas Eve evening will be at my dad's. Christmas Day is the part that's throwing us.
My whole life my grandparents have done Christmas breakfast. It's usually worked just fine, as the majority of people we know celebrate with extended families in the afternoon. Last year, for example, we came to MIL's in the afternoon and had breakfast at my grandparents' and it worked fine.
This year, just now, she's decided she's going to have Christmas breakfast and demands we be there at ten a.m. sharp. She's a half an hour from my grandparents' and by the time we get around to eating there, it'll be 10:30 or 11:00 before we can get to MIL's.
Well she exploded. She said she didn't get us on Thanksgiving and it's HER turn, and we're being inconsiderate and ignoring her. She said to hell with us if we were going to act like she's not a part of our family and that it's not fair, she made plans first and we should have accommodated them, etc.
We were entirely caught off guard. We explained we had been planning to come over RIGHT after breakfast at my grandparents' house, but she doesn't care. She says everyone will be gone by the time we get here so don't bother coming at all if we're going to be late.
We had indeed cancelled Thanksgiving plans because my grandma wasn't feeling well so I offered to do everything for her that day. Grandma ended up having a small stroke on Thanksgiving, and another one a couple of days ago. If I don't cook the breakfast for my side of the family on Christmas, Grandma says she's just going to cancel and just send everyone their presents.
Blah. I'm about to say to hell with it all and just stay home with DH and DD and forget about everything. I don't even celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Yule. I'm tired of getting bitched at any time I try to compromise, and I'm tired of MIL's alternating between screaming vulgarities and sobbing pitifully.
Eta: I understand. It does sound selfish of me, and weighted to my side. The reason there's so many on my side of the family is I come from a large one, and DH's is small. I'm the oldest of twelve siblings and there's at least 30 people at my grandparents' house alone, probably 50 at my dad's. DH's parents were divorced but his dad passed away a month after we started dating.
My main thing is that there are only two real holidays either of our extended families celebrate, and those are Thanksgiving and Christmas. With four houses to go to and two holidays, I'm trying to be equal in splitting them up, but it's not working. This is the first year we've done all this, though, and as it's bombing so bad, I'm probably not going to do it this way again.