My daughter refused to pick up her sister today, left her stranded
I have two daughters. One is 17 and one is 11. My 11 year old suffers from Oppositional Defiant Disorder and has made significant progress over the years, but beginning puberty has been a bit of a backslide, as the combination of hormones and general preteen sass aren't helping.
She can be angry often and say hurtful things when she loses her temper. I've learned to ignore it, but my 17 year old has always had a much thinner skin about it, and has often said she resents that we "let her get away with this". I don't let her get away with anything, there's always a punishment, but I don't engage her when she's having a tantrum.
Yesterday, my 17 year old was supposed to pick her up from dance class because DH and I had to go to his work Christmas party. I gave DD11 my cell to call her sister when she was done. An hour after she was supposed to be picked up, my DH checked his phone and saw 25 missed calls.
My DD11 finished dance class early and called her sister and said "come get me now" in a snotty tone. Obviously not okay. My DD17 said "what's the magic word..." and her sister apparently flew off the handle and was rude, said "you have to pick me up when I say" and was insulting her calling her stupid and useless. My DD17 said "fine, have fun getting home then".
DH and I rushed from his party to the dance studio, and she had been sitting alone in the attached cafe for over an hour. While I realize that she CAN'T speak to her sister that way EVER and she's being punished, I'm so upset with my DD17 for not picking her up. She knows her sister has these issues.
I haven't discussed consequences or what happened with my DD17 since last night, when we fought about it. She's been at school all day and still isn't home. Any advice or support anyone can offer?