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I Secretly Hate When My Friends Get Pregnant

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I Secretly Hate When My Friends Get Pregnant

by The Stir Bloggers 

pregnant bellyBefore she even said it, I knew. She had ordered water with dinner. Girls night out without wine? She had to be pregnant. Sure enough, the confession came out. She was still in the first trimester, so I had to keep it quiet.

I've been pregnant. I have a child. I knew what I was supposed to say. I smiled. I hugged her. I gushed and said all the things you're supposed to say when one of your very best friends confides in you that she's expecting a child.

But inside, I just wasn't feeling it. If I dared to be completely honest with any of my half a dozen pregnant friends (seriously, what is in the damn water?), they'd probably be hurt and not want to talk to me again.

Because the truth is ... I hate when my friends get pregnant.

I'm a mother. I have a kid. I know that what I'm saying makes absolutely no sense.  But whoever said emotions make any sense?

I also know that what I'm saying is horribly selfish, but I think we're all kind of selfish sometimes. What's most important is keeping that selfishness bottled up inside and acting a lot nicer than we feel.

But who hasn't felt a little bit crappy when their friend announces they're pregnant?

The fact of the matter is, when a friend gets pregnant, you can pretty much guarantee that your lives are about to diverge like those two paths in the Robert Frost poem. She's about to dive back into sleepless nights and sh**ty diapers, and even though she is a brilliant, funny, fun woman to be around most of the time, you won't get to enjoy any of that awesome side of her because she just won't have TIME for you what with all those sh**ty diapers to change and sleepless moments. 

Your friendship is about to change, and as happy as you might be for her, I think it's OK to grieve that change. The fact is, you won't be as close as you were. You won't call her any hour of the day because you'll fear waking the baby, and she won't want to go out for a monthly girls night because she's breastfeeding and she wants to be near the baby.

Things will change.

I hate change.

I also hate myself more than a little bit for feeling this way because as a mother myself, I get it! I absolutely, 100 percent understand what new motherhood is like, and why a new mom doesn't have time for her friends. I was there once.

But now that my child is older, I have gotten back some of my own life. I CAN have a girl's night. I CAN spend an hour on the phone while my kid plays video games or Lego's. I CAN be a good friend and a good mother both.

A new mom just can't. 

And honestly, I'd probably be OK with all of this if we were just talking about a year or two. But when you have a child, it isn't just that new motherhood stage that divides you from your current friends. It's everything about life with a child from here on out.

What you do with your child dictates your own social life in many ways. If your child is in story hour at the library, you're making friends with the moms at story hour. If your child is in preschool, you're making friends with the moms at preschool. And so on. These are the women you have the most in common with at this point in time, after all. Friendship with them is easy. You don't have to bring out your brilliant, funny, fun sides with those moms to find something to talk about it.

The older my child gets, and the farther I get from pregnancy, the more I understand where the child-free folks are coming from when they can't muster a whole lot of happiness over a friend's pregnancy.

She's happy for her friend, but she knows what's coming: she will now have to compete for a piece of the pie not just against the baby (who will and SHOULD come first) but against all those other moms out there. She -- we -- have to share our friend.

I went to kindergarten. I know HOW to share, but let's face it, sharing kind of sucks. You never get as much as you really want.

Do you ever feel disappointed when a friend announce she's pregnant? Why?

by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 8:34 AM
Replies (21-30):
mysticatgal
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:53 AM
I completely agree. If a friendship was strong than having another baby shouldn't change it too much. The friend needs you to be happy, if you aren't then maybe you should examine your own life to see what you need to change.

Quoting Meglet1970:

While I agree that it changes things, it also enriches things.  If these are good friends, then taking the time to watch the little one while mom naps, goes to a doctor's appointment or spends 5 minutes by herself becomes part of the friendship.  Heck, I have even cleaned a dear friend's bathroom.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Its exciting to hear a friend is pregnant, unless there is drama or hurt going to be involved.

sunnysideup89
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 10:58 AM

Why are you're posts always so long? I never read them because I do not have the time to spend! Just thought I'd share. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:03 AM

Honestly, I have 2 friend's and when they got pregnant, I did feel annoyed.

Here's why.

The first friend stopped taking her birth control because her husband was cheating on her and she thought if she got pregnant, he would choose her. Well, her plan worked. She also said no one was excited about her other babies. She was 19, 20 and 22. So, she wanted a chance to have a baby as an "adult".

My other friend only got pregnant because she said she wanted to give birth again (she is into homebirthing) and it was nice to have a reason to stay at home. Her husband wanted her to return to work.

JamieBue38
by Jamie on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this
This. Usually a lot of whining and complaining lol

Quoting Sweetest_Britt: Not to mention the endless talk about her pregnancy for the entire duration ;)



Sweetest_Britt
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Because she's a Cafemom admin and posting from the Cafemom Blog. They are blog entries...like journal enteries. It's to get traffic onto The Stir and create discussion in the forums.

Quoting sunnysideup89:

Why are you're posts always so long? I never read them because I do not have the time to spend! Just thought I'd share. 


Sweetest_Britt
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:16 AM

OMG Yes. I was sooooo excited when my friend gave birth so I no longer had to hear complaining and whining. I found out when she did...at around 2-3 weeks (she wasn't even late yet) and from then on....almost everything was complaining. 

Quoting JamieBue38: This. Usually a lot of whining and complaining lol

Quoting Sweetest_Britt: Not to mention the endless talk about her pregnancy for the entire duration ;)




JamieBue38
by Jamie on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Sometimes there's even more complaining of lack of sleep lol. I have a friend who would post diary updates on facebook about every little thing. I feep sorry for their husbands haha

Quoting Sweetest_Britt:

OMG Yes. I was sooooo excited when my friend gave birth so I no longer had to hear complaining and whining. I found out when she did...at around 2-3 weeks (she wasn't even late yet) and from then on....almost everything was complaining. 

Quoting JamieBue38: This. Usually a lot of whining and complaining lol



Quoting Sweetest_Britt: Not to mention the endless talk about her pregnancy for the entire duration ;)






Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Nope. I am beyond excited when my friends get pregnant.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:22 AM

 If anything I feel nothing but pity for them. Kids are too much hassle, heartbreak, stress. All the crying, diapers, colic, never ending 'WHY' questions, bottles, clothes and the constant worrying that comes along with having children.  That is why I have my tubes tied after my first..and to be honest I wanted to get an abortion with her, but I let her sorry ass daddy talk me into keeping her.

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