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I've seen a lot of posts in here the last few days about whether or not a particular activity is inappropriate between a father and his daughter and it seems like a lot of you ladies find almost everything inappropriate.

I am talking about bath time, co-sleeping, snuggling on the couch- blanket vs no blanket, tickling, showing affection..etc. (Normal parenting activities)

I even saw on here once where a bunch of women wouldn't even leave their husbands alone with their daughter(s), no reason to suspect anything inappropriate, just being cautious.

Why? 

Does it apply to fathers and sons as well?

At what age do fathers stop being allowed to interact with their daughters at all?

I have a hard time with this mentality. Someone explain it to me.


”Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.” - Dr. Seuss. 

by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Replies (41-50):
smurfbitebug
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
It isn't what they actually do, it's just talk taking up space in a forum. Either that or their DHs don't do much with the kids anyways so it's super easy for them to say some shit like this, because otherwise it's just not feasible. Even if you have been through some awful shit, and you are hyper vigilant about your kid's safety, you still have to operate with at least a basic level of trust with your DH.
Now if it is just someone they are dating, big difference. Maybe an SO who isn't actually the father, possibly. Still.. there has to be at least some trust there if they are going to interact with your children.
As far as being super paranoid and not letting your DH do anything with the kid... It won't work if his intentions are bad anyways. Where there is a will there is a way and these types of people are opportunistic to the hilt.
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Imo kf you cant trust your husband to be a parent you shouldn't have married him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
I think they can still have a relationship it's just monitored in a way. I personally don't have any worries when it comes to dh. But for some people they may just be afraid. Maybe they'd rather be overly cautious and be around to supervise rather than ending up blaming themselves if something happens to their kid.

I can see both sides I guess is all. There are some sickos out there and most of the time when something off happens the other parent had no reason to suspect and is shocked

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:


Quoting Anonymous: I think people just want to be safe honestly. If your bf or dh is a child molester or pedophile they probably aren't going to come right out and tell you

But they are ruining the relationship between that father and his daughter.

mommaponch
by Gold Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM

 

Quoting Crazy-Steph:

I agree with you.  My daughter (just turned 13 yesterday) had a seizure at school last Thursday and was sent to the ER via ambulance.  My husband beat me there and was in the room when they took off her shirt to put on the heart monitors.  She still had her shirt on, but should he not have been there?  She was crying and confused.  I cannot imagine him leaving the room because he is her dad.  Ridiculous!

That sounds really scary.  I hope she's doing allright!

We had a similar situation, when my oldest was 7 she had bladder reconstruction surgery.  She came out of anesthesia hysterical.  She was still sobbing when we got to her room.  She had a catheter and did not like it, and the nursing staff kept covering her with a blanket and she would freak and say that it hurt her because the blanket pushed on the tubing.  I finally looked at the nurse and said, "just keep it off of her, we're her parents, it's nothing we haven't seen before."  All her dad was worried about was that his baby was hurting. 

MorriganzMommy
by Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand this mentality either. 

I don't trust my husband to care for DD the same way I would, he'd feed her junk food and let her veg-out in front of the TV from morning to night. But as for tickling, hugging, kissing, and cuddling, what is the issue with that? I'd be disappointed in my DH if he stopped showing affection towards our DD.

But then again my dad stopped showing affection towards me and my brother at a certain age. We were probably 10  when he stopped. I don't know why he stopped being affectionate towards me at 10 and then 6 years later when my bro was 10 he stopped with him. It did make talking to my dad even a difficult task. It wasn't until after I had DD (at 23) that him and I were able to talk about more than the weather. It was him that had the growing up to do and he changed into a more caring and loving human being when he became a grandfather. Not that he was cold to us as kids, he was a great dad that taught us so much and was there for us when we needed him. He fed us twinkies and pringles for dinner when my mom was at work and McDonald's when we were out. Yes, junk food! The man drove an hour away in a blizzard because I was too scared to drive my car home so he picked me up. He is a great dad even when I became an adult. He just stopped being affectionate when I was 10.

I don't want my DH to have that strained relationship with DD when she gets older. I encourage their "Daughter-Daddy-Day" and all the tickling DD can handle. I think its very important to keeping a bond between parent and child. Affection is a part of showing love.

Abby.N.Amys.Mom
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:49 AM

I agree with you, OP.  My husband and I have two children, both of them are girls.  The oldest is 5 and the youngest is 1 and I trust my husband with them - hell, I wouldn't have had children with him if I didn't trust him to help raise our daughters.

Just because a man gets married and has a daughter doesn't automatically make him a pervert.

alexsmomaubrys2
by Emerald Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:49 AM


Quoting alexsmomma06:

I don't understand that all. DH cuddles, tickles,snuggles, bathes, changes diapers, hugs, kisses, etc with all 3 of our girls and I have 0 need to worry about it. I can't understand why you would procreate with a man you couldn't trust.

Oh. Changing diapers. That reminded me.

I know someone in real life that wouldn't let her husband change his daughters diaper because of the gender difference.

I felt so bad for him.

”Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.” - Dr. Seuss. 

An0nym0use
by Rock Lobster on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:50 AM
4 moms liked this
But women can be pedophiles and child molesters too. Should fathers withhold relationships between mother and son "just in case"?

Quoting Anonymous: I think people just want to be safe honestly. If your bf or dh is a child molester or pedophile they probably aren't going to come right out and tell you
mommaponch
by Gold Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM
4 moms liked this

Turn the tables, if you have a little boy and your husband put his foot down and said "nope, nothing inappropriate, you can't snuggle him, I don't trust you to bathe him, and he most definitely cannot take naps with you.  I trust you hunny, but you just can't be too careful."  Would that fly?  Would that be ok to say to a mother? 

 

Quoting Anonymous: I think they can still have a relationship it's just monitored in a way. I personally don't have any worries when it comes to dh. But for some people they may just be afraid. Maybe they'd rather be overly cautious and be around to supervise rather than ending up blaming themselves if something happens to their kid.

I can see both sides I guess is all. There are some sickos out there and most of the time when something off happens the other parent had no reason to suspect and is shocked

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:


Quoting Anonymous: I think people just want to be safe honestly. If your bf or dh is a child molester or pedophile they probably aren't going to come right out and tell you

But they are ruining the relationship between that father and his daughter.

 

morrigan914
by Platinum Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Damn straight 

Quoting faire_jour:

I agree. I think it is completely insane. If you can't trust your husband to not rape your daughter, why did you have a child with him?!? Dads should be equally involved with their daughters as mothers, that is how girls grow up to be healthy women. Anything that a mother can do with a daughter, a father can do without it being weird (as long as both parties are comfortable).


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