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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I may have ruined Christmas for my son. =/ **edit #2

Posted by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:18 PM
  • 190 Replies
6 moms liked this

I feel like having a crying tantrum with my 3.5 year old as well. =/

My mom passed away July 7th, 2012. Last Christmas was our first Christmas without her. This is our second Christmas without her, and it's not any easier, on me. I didn't know it was affecting my son.

He knew nana, went to live in Heaven with God and the Angels. That she couldn't visit us last Christmas. (That's the only way we could explain to him last Christmas why she wasn't there, and why only papa Mike and Aunt Star had come.) He seemed fine with it, and it seemed as if he forgotten everything when papa Mike showed up with the Christmas gifts on Christmas eve.

Well, today as I'm getting him ready to lay down for a nap, he asked if he and brother could have a cookie. I told him that when he wakes up from his nap then he can have one. I made a HUGE mistake, and asked him if he was excited to have papa Mike and Aunt Star come over to start Christmas with us tomorrow. He got really excited and said yes he was, and said that he couldn't wait to see papa Mike, Aunt Star and nana D. =/

I tried really hard to choke back my tears, and told him that he needed to remember that Nana D isn't able to come here for Christmas, that she's up in Heaven with the Angels, great paw paw and Aunt Dawn. But, she would be watching us from heaven and sending us her love.

OH, was that a MISTAKE! He started crying, like I ripped the head off of his fave snuggle toy, and yelling at me that I was lying to him. He wouldn't calm down for anything. Finally I was able to rock him and get him to calm down and he fell asleep in my lap.

I can't stop crying. I've done all of the Christmas traditions my mom had always done, I've done all of the Christmas crafts I could find, and been so busy preparing for Christmas, this has been my way of sort of dealing with not having my mom here, that I didn't even seem to notice that my baby was hurting! It didn't seem like an issue last Christmas!!!

I guess I should have seen this coming, we have been talking about all the Christmas things we were doing and how nana would do them with me, and he sees all of her pictures on the walls. He even got the honor of putting her memorial picture Christmas ornament on the tree this year. I thought that if I talked about her, and what we used to do when she was here, that it would be a great way to keep her memory alive for my boys. It so backfired on me, and now I feel like the worlds shitties mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know how to fix this!!!! I'm terrified of when he wakes up, and what to say, or if I should even say anything at all! Worst I'm terrified now of how he's going to react when papa Mike and Aunt Star get here tomorrow. =/

How can I comfort him? How can I explain to my little man that nana D just can't be here with us. My heart is breaking so bad, and all I want to do is crawl up in a little ball, and cry with him. I may have ruined Christmas for my son. =/



EDIT TO ADD:

After the first few pages of responses I didn't really want to deal with this post any more. The responses angered and hurt me. I get that not everyone believes in God, or Heaven, or that we believe that Grandma is in Heaven. Please don't put down our beliefs or bash me about them.  The post isn't about that. Yes we have told him that Nana is dead, and that she can't come back. We've had heavy conversations about this in the past.


I came back and read the other repls now and posts.....

I want to thank everyone who offered kind words, and gave advice. Thank you so much, it truly means a lot to me!!! He woke up fine, as if before nap conversation never happened. I wish so much I could take him to her grave, however her last request was not to be buried.... she was cremated. My step father has her urn. We don't often make the hour and half almost two hour drive to his house.

I try very hard not to be overly emotional in front of him. Hard to do these days being 28 weeks pregnant. When I do talk to him about Nana or mention Nana loved doing this or that, I try really hard to be upbeat and positive about it.

Thank you again ladies for the replies. I will try to reply to some now.


Edit #2

Sorry I haven't responded to anyone and been MIA, our Christmas started today at 3pm with Papa Mike and Aunt Star.


Guess what my Christmas gift was!!!!!!!! My step dad decided that it was time that mom came and "lived" with us. =) I'm so happy I could cry! He brought me her beautiful urn. My son asked what it was and I said it was nana inside that we could talk to her all we wanted and she could hear us. If he was sad or needing to talk to her, he could just ask and we would go talk to her! I LOVE Christmas! Seriously the best Christmas gift ever (well, next to if Mom could actually really visit from Heaven!) Now we have a "place" to go and "visit" her and talk to her! I think this will help my son and myself!!!!!


Merry Christmas to one and all!



PS: Santa has landed in this house! I think my boys will have a blast in the morning! =)This Santa's Elf is SOOO tired from tonight's Christmas Eve party at the In-laws, so I'm heading to bed! Goodnight! (Yes, that's moms Urn behind the Christmas tree, not her permanent place, but for now she can sit and watch us on Christmas Morning.)





by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:22 PM
5 moms liked this
Wow he's 3 not 13 let it go
KairisMama
by Emerald Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:24 PM

 He's 3.5 and probably won't remember having such a detailed conversation. I have a 3.5 yo son, and he gets over things in an instant. I'm sure tomorrow will be fine.

ExquisiteMomof2
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:25 PM
20 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous: Wow he's 3 not 13 let it go

He's 3, he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand that nana can't visit us from where she is. Why do you have to be a B***h over something so sensitive?

I hope you never have young children that have lost someone so dear to them. My mother was in our lives nearly every day. She's been there for everything. They were very close, and he was her first grandchild. They had a very special bond.

Perhaps you should show a little humility.

olliesmommy2
by Metal Awareness on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:26 PM
9 moms liked this
I'm so sorry, I can't imagine. It's okay to cry, cry a bit with him, and talk about good things about nana. Tell stories, just hug him and love him. You need each other. I'm sorry for your loss, just remember how lucky you were to have her for all the time you did:)
olliesmommy2
by Metal Awareness on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:27 PM
14 moms liked this
Wow you're a bitch.

Quoting Anonymous: Wow he's 3 not 13 let it go
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:30 PM
5 moms liked this
I lost my mom at 4 I have very few memories of her, your son was 2(?) when your mom died.
You are probably bringing it up and making him sad. My children just lost their uncle 2 days before thanksgiving (18mo, 3,5) the 5 year old gets that he is dead the 3 and 18 month old do not. Like I said let it go. Don't bring it up to him...

Quoting ExquisiteMomof2:


Quoting Anonymous: Wow he's 3 not 13 let it go

He's 3, he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand that nana can't visit us from where she is. Why do you have to be a B***h over something so sensitive?

I hope you never have young children that have lost someone so dear to them. My mother was in our lives nearly every day. She's been there for everything. They were very close, and he was her first grandchild. They had a very special bond.

Perhaps you should show a little humility.

kimbob2284
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:30 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with this.  Let them see the emotions that come along with such an enormous loss. 

This will be our first Christmas without my FIL. Thankfully, and sadly, my son just turned 2, so he doesnt notice any difference.  I wish he was older so he remembered his grandpa, and how much his grandpa loved him. 

Quoting olliesmommy2: I'm so sorry, I can't imagine. It's okay to cry, cry a bit with him, and talk about good things about nana. Tell stories, just hug him and love him. You need each other. I'm sorry for your loss, just remember how lucky you were to have her for all the time you did:)


JealousGrrl
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this
This sounds like a great idea. Let him grieve with you, it might make a big difference if he can see that he isn't the only one who is upset.

Quoting olliesmommy2: I'm so sorry, I can't imagine. It's okay to cry, cry a bit with him, and talk about good things about nana. Tell stories, just hug him and love him. You need each other. I'm sorry for your loss, just remember how lucky you were to have her for all the time you did:)
ExquisiteMomof2
by on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting olliesmommy2: I'm so sorry, I can't imagine. It's okay to cry, cry a bit with him, and talk about good things about nana. Tell stories, just hug him and love him. You need each other. I'm sorry for your loss, just remember how lucky you were to have her for all the time you did:)

Thank you. I thought I had been doing that with him. Maybe not as well as I had thought.

Tatertot912
by Silver Member on Dec. 23, 2013 at 3:31 PM
3 moms liked this
Aww, this made me tear up! It'll be ok, just explain again the same way you did last year. He's still so young, I can't imagine this will ruin his christmas. I can see why you'd be stressed, it's so hard to celebrate without the ones you love. *hugs*
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