Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm never allowing my children to go back to their dads house for a holiday SECOND UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Seriously. I don't care if he takes me to court then do be it I'll fight it until the bitter end.

My boys, ages 6, 8, and 9 had their first Christmas with dad since our divorce. I was always the main breadwinner in the marriage and still make substantially more than he does. He pays what they state requires he pay in child support, I kept our home for our children and allowed him to take any furniture he wanted plus his car and didn't even ask for reimbursement of his insurance that had been paid for the year. I even left him on my medical insurance until papers wee signed! I didn't require him to carry the boys on insurance like the state usually requires since they've always been on mine and I can afford it and know it would burden him. I have been really really nice considering he was a lazy man who had zero ambition and contributed very little to our marriage and had an affair. The child support he pays goes into an account and is being saved, it will pay for camps, first cars, college, whatever big expenses come up I'll pull from that plus my own money so they have what they need, I think that's fair. Not like I'm getting my nails done with it.

Anyway they go over last night, his new girlfriend has two little ones, below school age. This morning they get up to open gifts and my boys didn't have any! They were told that's why he pays child support and I should have sent gifts! Of course they were upset and then he wouldn't let them call home so I didn't know until I picked them up :(

ETA

This text just came in

"In the future ill expect you to coordinate Christmas gifts with me. I wont do another holiday like this. The boys acted like brats when they didnt have gifts to open and I didn't want to bad mouth you by explaining that you hadn't given me any option in what they were bought so i just explained that you get the support to take care of that and they had to bring them over if they wanted to open them here. Not trying to start a fight, I know this is new to all of us and will take time to get ironed out."


Im honestly unsure of what to even reply. Im not really confrontational and had planned not to mention anything to him to avoid a fight. Now im torn between calling and yelling at him and just screen shotting and printing this for my attorney and not even replying. WWYD?

I sent the screen shot of his text as well as a quick run down of what the boys told me when i picked them up to my attorney via email. he's not back in the office until after the new year but did shoot me back a reply saying that i should just send a text back to xh saying that child support is not meant to cover christmas gifts and that to clarify the attorney will be sending him a document on what child support is meant to be used on when he gets back in the office. he said if he remembers correctly (and this is what i had understood by looking over our agreement) the order is set up that we should split holidays and work out specifics between us with custodial parent having the final say, he says if i am reasonable about allowing them some time there for Thanksgiving, New Years, Spring Break, etc. that there is no reason they have to wake up there Christmas morning- he is going to double check and give me more specificadvise as to what i can and cannot legally do. 

the boys and myself are leaving out early tomorrow morning for a "scavenger hunt" trip. something my 9 year old suggested. they are working out their own itinerary today and making the treasure list-- im going to check it over tonight and make sure we dont end up in Canada lol. it will be a fun adventure i think and will hopefully ensure that when they look back on their first Christmas after their parent's divorce they wont remember the hurtful things first (i hope)



Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (11-20):
Wendi2247
by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Wow! I'd be livid too! Poor kids.
donnag013
by Silver Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:53 PM

I agree. That is the lowest of the low!

Indianamomto4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:53 PM

Don't know how any decent parent could do that to their kids! Love on your boys extra this week cause I'm sure that had to of really hurt.

firespurity
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:54 PM
That's just so wrong... I'm sorry that's manipulative. Take some of that child support money and spoil your boys a little and let them know ours from mommy, not daddy.
TexTornado
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this

That sucks and sadly, a lot of men are like that.  Haven't they every heard of buying something out of the kindness of their heart?  I mean really, wtf?  He wanted his 3 kids to sit there with no presents? That's pretty heartless.  I can't believe the new gf went for it.  As a mom, you'd think she would have said, Hey where are the gifts for these 3? 

Unfortunately, your custody agreement will never stand up to being challenged like that, so you need to get your kids used to the fact that dad is a jerk.  I'm sure they are well aware though. 

TCain0001
by Bronze Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:55 PM
4 moms liked this

I'd be telling him that since he wants me to "send gifts" for his own kids (which he should be buying on his own, outside of the cs), then he can just see me in court, since I'll be requesting a doubling of the child support to cover the money spent on them.

Miss.MandyLynn
by on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:55 PM

what a loser omg thats horrible

ilovemykids323
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:56 PM

 wow... what a jerk.

Devious333
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:56 PM
Wow....what a dick. I wouldn't let them go over to his house for holidays either.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:57 PM
3 moms liked this

ok I'm with you that he sucks for not getting them gifts...BUT you didn't have a choice to keep your insurance on him, that is just what you have to do during a divorce, AND why are you complaining that he "only pays what CS the state makes him pay" a lot of GOOD fathers don't go above and beyond what they are ordered to pay, b/c the orders are usually a large chunk of their check every week...Also, you paid a bill while you were together....just because it benefits him still after the divorce doesn't mean that he would have to repay you...just like you didn't have to repay him on the house he paid on that you kept....BTW maybe this is something yall should have discusses before Christmas morning!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)