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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm never allowing my children to go back to their dads house for a holiday SECOND UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Seriously. I don't care if he takes me to court then do be it I'll fight it until the bitter end.

My boys, ages 6, 8, and 9 had their first Christmas with dad since our divorce. I was always the main breadwinner in the marriage and still make substantially more than he does. He pays what they state requires he pay in child support, I kept our home for our children and allowed him to take any furniture he wanted plus his car and didn't even ask for reimbursement of his insurance that had been paid for the year. I even left him on my medical insurance until papers wee signed! I didn't require him to carry the boys on insurance like the state usually requires since they've always been on mine and I can afford it and know it would burden him. I have been really really nice considering he was a lazy man who had zero ambition and contributed very little to our marriage and had an affair. The child support he pays goes into an account and is being saved, it will pay for camps, first cars, college, whatever big expenses come up I'll pull from that plus my own money so they have what they need, I think that's fair. Not like I'm getting my nails done with it.

Anyway they go over last night, his new girlfriend has two little ones, below school age. This morning they get up to open gifts and my boys didn't have any! They were told that's why he pays child support and I should have sent gifts! Of course they were upset and then he wouldn't let them call home so I didn't know until I picked them up :(

ETA

This text just came in

"In the future ill expect you to coordinate Christmas gifts with me. I wont do another holiday like this. The boys acted like brats when they didnt have gifts to open and I didn't want to bad mouth you by explaining that you hadn't given me any option in what they were bought so i just explained that you get the support to take care of that and they had to bring them over if they wanted to open them here. Not trying to start a fight, I know this is new to all of us and will take time to get ironed out."


Im honestly unsure of what to even reply. Im not really confrontational and had planned not to mention anything to him to avoid a fight. Now im torn between calling and yelling at him and just screen shotting and printing this for my attorney and not even replying. WWYD?

I sent the screen shot of his text as well as a quick run down of what the boys told me when i picked them up to my attorney via email. he's not back in the office until after the new year but did shoot me back a reply saying that i should just send a text back to xh saying that child support is not meant to cover christmas gifts and that to clarify the attorney will be sending him a document on what child support is meant to be used on when he gets back in the office. he said if he remembers correctly (and this is what i had understood by looking over our agreement) the order is set up that we should split holidays and work out specifics between us with custodial parent having the final say, he says if i am reasonable about allowing them some time there for Thanksgiving, New Years, Spring Break, etc. that there is no reason they have to wake up there Christmas morning- he is going to double check and give me more specificadvise as to what i can and cannot legally do. 

the boys and myself are leaving out early tomorrow morning for a "scavenger hunt" trip. something my 9 year old suggested. they are working out their own itinerary today and making the treasure list-- im going to check it over tonight and make sure we dont end up in Canada lol. it will be a fun adventure i think and will hopefully ensure that when they look back on their first Christmas after their parent's divorce they wont remember the hurtful things first (i hope)



Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:58 PM
They didn't even get what child support was, I had to explain ask that on the way home.

Quoting Bekki:

What an asshat. That will probably cement their opinion of him forever.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Wow....what is wrong with him??
Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I was ready to come in here and tell you that you need to grow up and let them see their dad but after reading your post I totally agree with you. Poor kids :( that's just plain cruel and I'd honestly speak to a lawyer about what he did.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this
That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.
Fields456
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM

that is absolutely horrible your poor sons. idk what i would do if my xh did that to my daughter but i know it wouldnt be pretty

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM
My guess is that since new gf doesn't work they were short on budget, I have no idea if she gets anything from her children's dad to contribute- as a result they decided he had paid his Xmas dues and just focused on them. The boys said the little kids had quite a few gifts.

Quoting sunflower970: What kind of parent does that??? Those poor kids!!
JoanahLee
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow!! 

He is an awful scumbag.  Did the other kids have gifts?  That is so shitty!!!

I hope you brought them home to a bunch of awesome gifts.  You don't need to do anything, they are going to remember this kind of stuff and it will be his fault when they get tired of him.

AlleyCat08
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Omg, how sad.
keriley1
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM

Wow, thats crappy. Poor kids.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM
I'm going to do something really big to make up for it, maybe a trip or something. Haven't had time to think too much but I definitely drive want this being their key memory.

Quoting Indianamomto4:

Don't know how any decent parent could do that to their kids! Love on your boys extra this week cause I'm sure that had to of really hurt.

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