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I'm never allowing my children to go back to their dads house for a holiday SECOND UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Seriously. I don't care if he takes me to court then do be it I'll fight it until the bitter end.

My boys, ages 6, 8, and 9 had their first Christmas with dad since our divorce. I was always the main breadwinner in the marriage and still make substantially more than he does. He pays what they state requires he pay in child support, I kept our home for our children and allowed him to take any furniture he wanted plus his car and didn't even ask for reimbursement of his insurance that had been paid for the year. I even left him on my medical insurance until papers wee signed! I didn't require him to carry the boys on insurance like the state usually requires since they've always been on mine and I can afford it and know it would burden him. I have been really really nice considering he was a lazy man who had zero ambition and contributed very little to our marriage and had an affair. The child support he pays goes into an account and is being saved, it will pay for camps, first cars, college, whatever big expenses come up I'll pull from that plus my own money so they have what they need, I think that's fair. Not like I'm getting my nails done with it.

Anyway they go over last night, his new girlfriend has two little ones, below school age. This morning they get up to open gifts and my boys didn't have any! They were told that's why he pays child support and I should have sent gifts! Of course they were upset and then he wouldn't let them call home so I didn't know until I picked them up :(

ETA

This text just came in

"In the future ill expect you to coordinate Christmas gifts with me. I wont do another holiday like this. The boys acted like brats when they didnt have gifts to open and I didn't want to bad mouth you by explaining that you hadn't given me any option in what they were bought so i just explained that you get the support to take care of that and they had to bring them over if they wanted to open them here. Not trying to start a fight, I know this is new to all of us and will take time to get ironed out."


Im honestly unsure of what to even reply. Im not really confrontational and had planned not to mention anything to him to avoid a fight. Now im torn between calling and yelling at him and just screen shotting and printing this for my attorney and not even replying. WWYD?

I sent the screen shot of his text as well as a quick run down of what the boys told me when i picked them up to my attorney via email. he's not back in the office until after the new year but did shoot me back a reply saying that i should just send a text back to xh saying that child support is not meant to cover christmas gifts and that to clarify the attorney will be sending him a document on what child support is meant to be used on when he gets back in the office. he said if he remembers correctly (and this is what i had understood by looking over our agreement) the order is set up that we should split holidays and work out specifics between us with custodial parent having the final say, he says if i am reasonable about allowing them some time there for Thanksgiving, New Years, Spring Break, etc. that there is no reason they have to wake up there Christmas morning- he is going to double check and give me more specificadvise as to what i can and cannot legally do. 

the boys and myself are leaving out early tomorrow morning for a "scavenger hunt" trip. something my 9 year old suggested. they are working out their own itinerary today and making the treasure list-- im going to check it over tonight and make sure we dont end up in Canada lol. it will be a fun adventure i think and will hopefully ensure that when they look back on their first Christmas after their parent's divorce they wont remember the hurtful things first (i hope)



Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (31-40):
JoanahLee
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this

We spend a lot of time in family court (as foster parents, we go with our kids a lot).  The two judges we see would shape that up in a split second.  I would imagine the main judge we have interacted with would have it included by court order that the fater provide gifts at christmas and birthdays in addition to child support and that the christmas visit go from an overnight to a couple hours christmas afternoon. 

Quoting Anonymous: That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:03 AM

sorry this really sucks but it would hold up in court.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:04 AM
I'm just going to plan to be out of town for holidays, if he wants them he can come get them where we are since he's responsible for picking them up- I have been driving them because he's always short on gas $ but that won't be the case for Christmas anymore. I'll be emailing my attorney too, I don't want to take him to court, just need to know where my wiggle room is

Quoting TexTornado:

That sucks and sadly, a lot of men are like that.  Haven't they every heard of buying something out of the kindness of their heart?  I mean really, wtf?  He wanted his 3 kids to sit there with no presents? That's pretty heartless.  I can't believe the new gf went for it.  As a mom, you'd think she would have said, Hey where are the gifts for these 3? 

Unfortunately, your custody agreement will never stand up to being challenged like that, so you need to get your kids used to the fact that dad is a jerk.  I'm sure they are well aware though. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM

what if the other household doesn't celebrate christmas?

Quoting JoanahLee:

We spend a lot of time in family court (as foster parents, we go with our kids a lot).  The two judges we see would shape that up in a split second.  I would imagine the main judge we have interacted with would have it included by court order that the fater provide gifts at christmas and birthdays in addition to child support and that the christmas visit go from an overnight to a couple hours christmas afternoon. 

Quoting Anonymous: That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM
5 moms liked this

Umm did ou miss the point, that the dumbass father let his own kids be disappointed christmas morning, then blamed their mom?  BTW, child support is to cover part of the expenses the custodial parent incurs while the kids are in their care.  It is NOT for expenses during the noncustodial parents time.  He would have at least had one gift for each child... Next he will want OP to send food to his house.   

Quoting Anonymous:

ok I'm with you that he sucks for not getting them gifts...BUT you didn't have a choice to keep your insurance on him, that is just what you have to do during a divorce, AND why are you complaining that he "only pays what CS the state makes him pay" a lot of GOOD fathers don't go above and beyond what they are ordered to pay, b/c the orders are usually a large chunk of their check every week...Also, you paid a bill while you were together....just because it benefits him still after the divorce doesn't mean that he would have to repay you...just like you didn't have to repay him on the house he paid on that you kept....BTW maybe this is something yall should have discusses before Christmas morning!!


sunflower970
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM
He could have talked to you and made arrangements to skip a child support payment or somethin..: sold some stuff.. Worked extra days.. Something to make sure his kids were takin care of! That just really breaks my heart for your boys

Quoting Anonymous: My guess is that since new gf doesn't work they were short on budget, I have no idea if she gets anything from her children's dad to contribute- as a result they decided he had paid his Xmas dues and just focused on them. The boys said the little kids had quite a few gifts.



Quoting sunflower970: What kind of parent does that??? Those poor kids!!
chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I would at least make sure they never woke up on Christmas morning with him. If you have to continue holiday visitation (which is likely) then let them go AFTER Christmas.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:06 AM
2 moms liked this

I did, my first sentance was that he sucks for not getting the gifts, but she acts as if she is sooo great and the things he does are soo bad...the rest of the post isn't really anything other than typical divorce stuff, so she should stop throwing THAT in his face....

Quoting Anonymous:

Umm did ou miss the point, that the dumbass father let his own kids be disappointed christmas morning, then blamed their mom?  BTW, child support is to cover part of the expenses the custodial parent incurs while the kids are in their care.  It is NOT for expenses during the noncustodial parents time.  He would have at least had one gift for each child... Next he will want OP to send food to his house.   

Quoting Anonymous:

ok I'm with you that he sucks for not getting them gifts...BUT you didn't have a choice to keep your insurance on him, that is just what you have to do during a divorce, AND why are you complaining that he "only pays what CS the state makes him pay" a lot of GOOD fathers don't go above and beyond what they are ordered to pay, b/c the orders are usually a large chunk of their check every week...Also, you paid a bill while you were together....just because it benefits him still after the divorce doesn't mean that he would have to repay you...just like you didn't have to repay him on the house he paid on that you kept....BTW maybe this is something yall should have discusses before Christmas morning!!



nolongermstkn
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:08 AM
Wow what an ass. I cant believe a parent would do that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Then it wouldn't matter if that parent even got Christmas or not.

Quoting Anonymous:

what if the other household doesn't celebrate christmas?

Quoting JoanahLee:

We spend a lot of time in family court (as foster parents, we go with our kids a lot).  The two judges we see would shape that up in a split second.  I would imagine the main judge we have interacted with would have it included by court order that the fater provide gifts at christmas and birthdays in addition to child support and that the christmas visit go from an overnight to a couple hours christmas afternoon. 

Quoting Anonymous: That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.



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