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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm never allowing my children to go back to their dads house for a holiday SECOND UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Seriously. I don't care if he takes me to court then do be it I'll fight it until the bitter end.

My boys, ages 6, 8, and 9 had their first Christmas with dad since our divorce. I was always the main breadwinner in the marriage and still make substantially more than he does. He pays what they state requires he pay in child support, I kept our home for our children and allowed him to take any furniture he wanted plus his car and didn't even ask for reimbursement of his insurance that had been paid for the year. I even left him on my medical insurance until papers wee signed! I didn't require him to carry the boys on insurance like the state usually requires since they've always been on mine and I can afford it and know it would burden him. I have been really really nice considering he was a lazy man who had zero ambition and contributed very little to our marriage and had an affair. The child support he pays goes into an account and is being saved, it will pay for camps, first cars, college, whatever big expenses come up I'll pull from that plus my own money so they have what they need, I think that's fair. Not like I'm getting my nails done with it.

Anyway they go over last night, his new girlfriend has two little ones, below school age. This morning they get up to open gifts and my boys didn't have any! They were told that's why he pays child support and I should have sent gifts! Of course they were upset and then he wouldn't let them call home so I didn't know until I picked them up :(

ETA

This text just came in

"In the future ill expect you to coordinate Christmas gifts with me. I wont do another holiday like this. The boys acted like brats when they didnt have gifts to open and I didn't want to bad mouth you by explaining that you hadn't given me any option in what they were bought so i just explained that you get the support to take care of that and they had to bring them over if they wanted to open them here. Not trying to start a fight, I know this is new to all of us and will take time to get ironed out."


Im honestly unsure of what to even reply. Im not really confrontational and had planned not to mention anything to him to avoid a fight. Now im torn between calling and yelling at him and just screen shotting and printing this for my attorney and not even replying. WWYD?

I sent the screen shot of his text as well as a quick run down of what the boys told me when i picked them up to my attorney via email. he's not back in the office until after the new year but did shoot me back a reply saying that i should just send a text back to xh saying that child support is not meant to cover christmas gifts and that to clarify the attorney will be sending him a document on what child support is meant to be used on when he gets back in the office. he said if he remembers correctly (and this is what i had understood by looking over our agreement) the order is set up that we should split holidays and work out specifics between us with custodial parent having the final say, he says if i am reasonable about allowing them some time there for Thanksgiving, New Years, Spring Break, etc. that there is no reason they have to wake up there Christmas morning- he is going to double check and give me more specificadvise as to what i can and cannot legally do. 

the boys and myself are leaving out early tomorrow morning for a "scavenger hunt" trip. something my 9 year old suggested. they are working out their own itinerary today and making the treasure list-- im going to check it over tonight and make sure we dont end up in Canada lol. it will be a fun adventure i think and will hopefully ensure that when they look back on their first Christmas after their parent's divorce they wont remember the hurtful things first (i hope)



Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Replies (41-50):
colins_mom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:09 AM
Wow what a jack wagon!! I hope your kiddos had a great Christmas regardless with you and other family!! And I would do the same thing if.my ex did that!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:10 AM

That's really shitty of their dad, sadly it won't likely be enough to keep him from having visitation. My ex is a POS too, he's never had any real interest in being a dad and does all kind of fucked up emotional things to our two kids (ages 9 and 7) but even that isn't enough to make the court restrict his visitation. I told the court how their father has anger issues, how their step-mom interfers and makes them feel like shit, how he tore up photos of me in front of my kids and gets angry if they don't call his wife "mom" while they're with him and they still wouldn't restrict his visitation. When he wouldn't meet me half way for pick up, like the CO states he told the kids it's because I wouldn't give him the money for it...still the court won't restrict his visits.

So, while what their father did was shitty and I'm sorry but based off my experience and that of the people I know it's going to take a lot more for the court to take away his visitation in any way. Good luck. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:10 AM

It wouldn't but that has nothing to do with what the law allows.  Usually it's every other holiday (whether or not it is celebrated)

Quoting chasinrainbows: Then it wouldn't matter if that parent even got Christmas or not.

Quoting Anonymous:

what if the other household doesn't celebrate christmas?

Quoting JoanahLee:

We spend a lot of time in family court (as foster parents, we go with our kids a lot).  The two judges we see would shape that up in a split second.  I would imagine the main judge we have interacted with would have it included by court order that the fater provide gifts at christmas and birthdays in addition to child support and that the christmas visit go from an overnight to a couple hours christmas afternoon. 

Quoting Anonymous: That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:11 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm not complaing about child support at all, I was stating a fact that I have been considerate if his financial means and not pushed for extra anything. My attorney said that I could have asked for payment on half of anything he walked away with due to infidelity and his history of income contribution (we were married 10 years he only worked 3 total) I could have played the bitter ex wife but I didn't. He had no reason to be petty over money. He didn't pay for this house, it was bought in cash from my savings account years ago as were many of our other assets. He never mentioned not being them gifts or expecting me to send them, had he said anything I would have ensured they had gifts. Who would ever expect this of their children's father??

Quoting Anonymous:

ok I'm with you that he sucks for not getting them gifts...BUT you didn't have a choice to keep your insurance on him, that is just what you have to do during a divorce, AND why are you complaining that he "only pays what CS the state makes him pay" a lot of GOOD fathers don't go above and beyond what they are ordered to pay, b/c the orders are usually a large chunk of their check every week...Also, you paid a bill while you were together....just because it benefits him still after the divorce doesn't mean that he would have to repay you...just like you didn't have to repay him on the house he paid on that you kept....BTW maybe this is something yall should have discusses before Christmas morning!!

VintageWife
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:11 AM

What a horrible person!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:11 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds lile my ex. He tells dd they cant afford clothes for her or food for the house because he pays me cs. Hes told her all about court, so when she came back spouting that crap i explained that i didnt choose it, a judge did. It has nothing to do witb what i want, because i never asked for it. The judge just ordered it. He failed to tell her that is owes me $17,000 though. I didnt even go there with her because shes 6.

Your ex is a pos. Thtis is a memory they wont forget. Hopefully they dont blame you because od how he spun it, like my dd did for a little bit until i explained the whole cs thing to her and what its for. She told me her dad was lazy and didnt want to work. So even at 6 and as much as she loves her dad she sees through his bs.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:12 AM
I'm not going to ask, I'm just not going to take them or make it particularly easy for him to pick them up. If he takes me to court then fine I'll fight it out but I'm not going to take him. If be surprised if he had the self discipline to afford an attorney anyway.

Quoting Anonymous: That is shitty but I highly doubt a judge will forbid future Christmas visits over that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:13 AM
I haven't said anything to him, I'm going to let it slide without a word and just be sure it never happens again

Quoting Fields456:

that is absolutely horrible your poor sons. idk what i would do if my xh did that to my daughter but i know it wouldnt be pretty

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:15 AM
My boys said the little kids had a fair amount of gifts, enough around the tree they assumed it was for all of them. I had not done an extravagant Christmas but I'm definitely going to be doing some extra stuff now, thinking we'll go on a fun trip since we're all off all week

Quoting JoanahLee:

Wow!! 

He is an awful scumbag.  Did the other kids have gifts?  That is so shitty!!!

I hope you brought them home to a bunch of awesome gifts.  You don't need to do anything, they are going to remember this kind of stuff and it will be his fault when they get tired of him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Dad is acting like he can't afford gifts, when in reality she IS playing nice, not prorating his car insurance saved him a little, but his not paying their health insurance is probably saving him a huge chunk of money.   And I took it to mean that she didnt go after support she may be ntitled to and only asked fot the minimum, but maybe I'm wrong.  Either way dad is a major asshole, we can agree on that lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I did, my first sentance was that he sucks for not getting the gifts, but she acts as if she is sooo great and the things he does are soo bad...the rest of the post isn't really anything other than typical divorce stuff, s

Quoting Anonymous:

Umm did ou miss the point, that the dumbass father let his own kids be disappointed christmas morning, then blamed their mom?  BTW, child support is to cover part of the expenses the custodial parent incurs while the kids are in their care.  It is NOT for expenses during the noncustodial parents time.  He would have at least had one gift for each child... Next he will want OP to send food to his house.   

Quoting Anonymous:

ok I'm with you that he sucks for not getting them gifts...BUT you didn't have a choice to keep your insurance on him, that is just what you have to do during a divorce, AND why are you complaining that he "only pays what CS the state makes him pay" a lot of GOOD fathers don't go above and beyond what they are ordered to pay, b/c the orders are usually a large chunk of their check every week...Also, you paid a bill while you were together....just because it benefits him still after the divorce doesn't mean that he would have to repay you...just like you didn't have to repay him on the house he paid on that you kept....BTW maybe this is something yall should have discusses before Christmas morning!!




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