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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My son's birth mother regrets giving him up for adoption.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 665 Replies

My son is 2. We adopted him a week after he was born, and his adoption was 100% finalized by the time he was 1. His birth mother Sam was 17 when she had him, and she said that she wanted to give him up for adoption because she didn't feel ready to be a parent and wanted to go to college. 

Fast forward to now, and I got a phone call last week from her mother, telling me that she would like to change our previous open adoption plan, which was that we have one yearly visit, to make it several times a year. I send pictures once a month and she has me on Facebook, so it's not like I'm intent on her not having any contact, but several times a year is a bit much for my comfort. I told her mom that I would have to talk to my DH and that we would think it over.

Her mom said "please do. I hate to tell you this, but Sam is depressed, dropped out of school and regrets giving him up for adoption", and then proceeded to tell me that her daughter has hired a lawyer to go over all of the adoption paperwork to see if there are any mistakes that could cause it to not be valid. DH and I got our lawyer to do the same, and he said everything is airtight.

I called her mom back on Monday and said that knowing this information, I can't agree to more frequent visits until she's in a better place mentally and has accepted that it's final. Her mom said she understood, but Sam called me back that afternoon and swore at me, told me she hates us and regrets that she gave us her son every day, and that we're "f***ing horrible" for "keeping her away from her baby". I simply said "I'm sorry you feel that way", hung up and removed her from Facebook. 

Oue adoption agency is following up with her to try to get her some counselling, but I'm so shaken by this. My heart breaks that she regrets it and obviously misses him, but at the same time, as a mother, I know I need to protect my son and he comes first.

Any adoptive moms have any advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:15 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm so sorry. I agree with you.
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:15 PM
3 moms liked this
Wow, I feel for you all. Best of luck :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
poshkat
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:16 PM
That's awful. I have no advice but here's a bump
AnnieGoolaheey
by Mrs. Annie Proffitt on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I didn't adopt, but it seems like you are covering your bases. Good luck.

kristen0812
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM
2 moms liked this
I would change my phone number, they really have no right to be calling you. I'm so sorry.
Plus-size-mommy
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:19 PM
I'm sorry :( I feel bad for her but you have to do what is best for your child.
First_One_8_18
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:19 PM
So sad, all around. I hope she finds peace.
rfhsure
by beast mode on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:20 PM
31 moms liked this
I'm not an adoptive mother, and that is sad for her, but she knew what she was doing. She has to accept the consequences. It sounds like the adoption is destructive to both of you. Honestly I think from this point on the adoption should be closed.
suzanneyea
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:20 PM

Well, that is stress you don not need.

caligirl7613
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:21 PM
2 moms liked this
wow im sorry for all of you. it must have really hurt for her to say those things. I hope the agency cn get her some counseling and maybe the fact that it was holiday time kinda got her upset and thinking.
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