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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Grandparents showing favoritism, not really sure how to handle this.

Posted by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:46 AM
  • 39 Replies

Let me first say, I have always been grateful for how my parents have been with my daughter. I was adopted as a teenager and even though my daughter isn't blood they have always treated her as such. She was their first "grandchild" and they spoiled her rotten. She is now 7 and they still ask to take her overnights once a week and are constantly buying her things. She loves being with them and I am thrilled they have this sort of relationship.

But, I have two sons as well aged 18 months and 4 months. My parents weren't too thrilled about either pregnancy and have voiced their opinion that they were mistakes. I had an IUD placed in August and when my dad found out he made the comment "two kids too late". :(

Since their births they had never bought them anything until recently. They rarely spend time with them as well. I don't expect them to take them overnight as they are still babies but I feel like they are a complete afterthought.

This past Christmas we all got together and they showered my daughter with gifts. She had two huge gift bags full of random stuff, a stocking full of goodies, and an easy bake oven. They bought my youngest son a blanket and my middle child a little truck. I was grateful they at least bought them something this time, considering last Christmas my middle child got nothing. I know the boys are still young but I am afraid if things continue this way they will see this and feel rejected. I don't want to hurt my daughter's relationship but I don't like the favoritism. It breaks my heart they don't think of the boys in the same regard. How do I handle this?

by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Sparklepants747
by Queen Annie on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Did they get your daughter tons of gifts and take her for overnights as an infant? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:51 AM

where are the fathers of your  kids? you've made no mention of them....

RMB2011
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:52 AM

 I would tell my parents that they need to treat all of my children equally or they wouldn't be seeing them anymore.

Anniversary
PezDispenser
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:53 AM

I'm married to my son's father. I was never married to my daughter's father. He is still in her life, however. We share custody.

Quoting Anonymous:

where are the fathers of your  kids? you've made no mention of them....


wooly
by Knitting Maniac on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:54 AM

I had the same problem with my FIL. He never accepted my middle son because he looks like my side of the family while the other 2 look like his son. When FIL died, my son didn't go to his memorial, he said he hated him because he was treated so differently!

PezDispenser
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:56 AM

Yes. They took her overnights all throughout her infancy. She has always been showered with gifts as well. I understand that I made the choice to have two more children and I don't expect them to help me in any way. I guess I would just like them to at least acknowledge the boys, if that makes sense. I don't expect lots of gifts for any of the kids but I prefer it to be even.

Quoting Sparklepants747:

Did they get your daughter tons of gifts and take her for overnights as an infant? 


LilliesValley
by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:56 AM
Yep this.

Quoting RMB2011:

 I would tell my parents that they need to treat all of my children equally or they wouldn't be seeing them anymore.

PezDispenser
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:58 AM

That's horrible! That's what I am afraid of. I don't want them to see the favoritism and grow resentful or feel like outcasts.

But I don't want to damage the relationship they have with dd either.

Quoting wooly:

I had the same problem with my FIL. He never accepted my middle son because he looks like my side of the family while the other 2 look like his son. When FIL died, my son didn't go to his memorial, he said he hated him because he was treated so differently!


Mandallyn
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Some parents look down on their kids having multiple children. My dad outright told his middle step child if she had another child (she had 2) that they wouldn't help her out. I don't know how to deal with it... my mom favors my oldest child and my youngest. My middle child though, she didn't really like him.
LoveMeChain
by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 8:59 AM

I think you should be direct. You can be direct without being mean or accusatory, just sit them down and say you noticed how differently they treat their grandchildren and ask why. To me, it sounds like they're trying to punish you because they don't like your husband or they're trying to punish you for having more than one child. If their disapproval over your choices comes up, just say you understand but the kids should not be penalized for it. If they love you, they need to treat your family with respect.

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