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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I think my DD is being abused.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My DD has always been a.sweet, outgoing, caring girl. But ever since she started dating her current boyfriend she has been a recluse almost. She bearly talks to me and when she does shes always looking away or anxious or something. Ive noticed bruises on her face but when I ask her about them she gets angry and says its nothing mom I was being clumsy. Shes been dating this new guy for about three months now and daily her whole.... everything that makes her HER is just fading. I tried talking to her and she told me shes an adult and can handle herself. She is 19 and lives with me while shes in college so I cant really force her to break up with him its not like shes 13 or something. I just miss my little girl. Does anyone know of ways I can try bringing this up without her shutting down?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:00 AM
Replies (31-37):
XnikoX
by Gold Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Well coming from someone who has been in an abusive relationship....

Try to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. But also remember not to be overly pushy. The last thing you want is to push her in the direction of this asshole. When my abusive ex and I moved in together he hadn't even been physical with me. Or even verbally abusive. That came after I moved in. It started out with the verbal abuse. Calling me names and what not. It eventually led to him hitting me, whether it was his own hands or objects around the house. Several times he swore he'd change. I threatened to leave. At one point he tried offing himself (pills) while I wasn't home because I'd had enough.  People like him will do just about anything to get that person to stick around. 

Now that it's been 10 years later I can see that there were problems almost right from the beginning. Warning signs. But I didn't see them. I was in love. And blind. 

Friends and family tried talking to me. But as people grew pushier the more I distanced myself from them. I stopped talking to most of my friends. Stopped leaving the house. 

If you want you can PM me. 

aimesnyc
by on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:33 AM

I know this sounds cheesy, but maybe start the conversation by putting in the movie "Enough" and watching it together.  See what she says.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:41 AM

This is sad because you've tried to talk to her and she doesn't want to hear it. I was in an abusive relationship and it was after I got out of it that people told me they suspected it. I felt alone, like I had no one but him, and afraid. If someone had taken the time to talk to me about it, to tell me it wasn't normal and it wasn't my fault, that they were there for me, I would have left him earlier.

Just keep reiterating that you know something isn't right and when she is ready to leave then you are behind her. Someone suggested the 'as long as you're in this house' thing, but that will just push her away. The next thing you know she will be living with him and you won't see her at all.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 27, 2013 at 9:45 AM
Yeah ive tried to talk to her I hate it :/

Quoting Anonymous:

This is sad because you've tried to talk to her and she doesn't want to hear it. I was in an abusive relationship and it was after I got out of it that people told me they suspected it. I felt alone, like I had no one but him, and afraid. If someone had taken the time to talk to me about it, to tell me it wasn't normal and it wasn't my fault, that they were there for me, I would have left him earlier.

Just keep reiterating that you know something isn't right and when she is ready to leave then you are behind her. Someone suggested the 'as long as you're in this house' thing, but that will just push her away. The next thing you know she will be living with him and you won't see her at all.

loveablej
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 10:42 AM
That's another way he control her. Just let her know your there. I hope she will realize very soon that she doesn't deserve this. Please don't push her to much. Keep a log of what you see. She's in my prayers

Quoting Anonymous: Ive bearly even met him he walked to the door once to pick her up when they first started dating. But ever since he texts her or something when hes here I dont even know him so I wouldnt want to talk to him!



Quoting loveablej: I was in her shoes. I was never hit but he controlled everything. I was not me any more. I was knocked down mentally. My mom told me if I ever need to talk that she was there for me and thankfully after 8 years I am no longer with him and have found an amazing man who puts me first and every day makes sure I'm ok. I know its different with her and she is being hit and abused. You can call the abuse hotline and talk to them if she wont. You can also try and talk to him. Just don't give up on her she will need you when she gets away from him. I know that when I was told my ex was no good and I should leave him, I didn't want to hear that. She has to realize it herself thar she doesn't deserve this.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 27, 2013 at 11:02 AM
Thank you! I am trying to not be pushy and let her know im here. Its scary that shes allowing this to happen

Quoting loveablej: That's another way he control her. Just let her know your there. I hope she will realize very soon that she doesn't deserve this. Please don't push her to much. Keep a log of what you see. She's in my prayers



Quoting Anonymous: Ive bearly even met him he walked to the door once to pick her up when they first started dating. But ever since he texts her or something when hes here I dont even know him so I wouldnt want to talk to him!





Quoting loveablej: I was in her shoes. I was never hit but he controlled everything. I was not me any more. I was knocked down mentally. My mom told me if I ever need to talk that she was there for me and thankfully after 8 years I am no longer with him and have found an amazing man who puts me first and every day makes sure I'm ok. I know its different with her and she is being hit and abused. You can call the abuse hotline and talk to them if she wont. You can also try and talk to him. Just don't give up on her she will need you when she gets away from him. I know that when I was told my ex was no good and I should leave him, I didn't want to hear that. She has to realize it herself thar she doesn't deserve this.
Ashgambit
by Gold Member on Dec. 27, 2013 at 12:12 PM
Maybe it's time to invite him to dinner and see what he's like.

Quoting Anonymous: Ive bearly even met him he walked to the door once to pick her up when they first started dating. But ever since he texts her or something when hes here I dont even know him so I wouldnt want to talk to him!



Quoting loveablej: I was in her shoes. I was never hit but he controlled everything. I was not me any more. I was knocked down mentally. My mom told me if I ever need to talk that she was there for me and thankfully after 8 years I am no longer with him and have found an amazing man who puts me first and every day makes sure I'm ok. I know its different with her and she is being hit and abused. You can call the abuse hotline and talk to them if she wont. You can also try and talk to him. Just don't give up on her she will need you when she gets away from him. I know that when I was told my ex was no good and I should leave him, I didn't want to hear that. She has to realize it herself thar she doesn't deserve this.
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