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Am I really asking to much?

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:43 AM
  • 39 Replies

I'm a stay at home mom, boyfriend works.  We have been together for a little over 10 years and have 2 kids. Our daughter is 8 1/2 years old and our son is  almost 5 months.  He has split days off, Wednesday's and Sunday's. So time our daughter gets to see him is VERY limited. Cause shes off to school when he gets up and shes getting ready for bed when he gets home. And spends limited amount of time with his son ( that one being his choice). So I requested everyday, he spends 1 hour with his son after work. Wednesdays he spends 2 hours with both kids, and helps his daughter with a 1/2 hour of homework. Then on Sundays spend 2 hours with both his kids.  I was hoping this would make everyone happy, kids see daddy, get some bonding time, I get a little bit of time to myself, or to do things I didn't get done during the day, and my boyfriend would still have his many hours of "lazy" time. But, no when I suggested it, shit hit the fan. Telling me I choose to be a stay at home mom, its my responsibility to take care of the kids 24/7 and that he doesn't wanna have to come home and deal with kids. That he just wants to come home, eat , relax and go to bed. And that on his days off, are HIS days off and doesn't wanna do anything, but catch up on sleep and do what he wants to do.

I seriously feel like a single parent right now.

Am I asking to much of him?

*sits back and watches the bashing start*

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:47 AM
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That's sad. Kids grow up so fast and he's going to miss it. From what I've read on here, so many dads are like that. I'm sorry.
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by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:48 AM
Tell him then in return for that you get X momma spa relax days & he can take the kids so that yoooou can relax. When he spouted off about them being HISdays off I woulda argued that these are HIS kids too & that HIS family would still like to see him, even if watching tv uninurupted is more important to him then them.
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:49 AM

My boyfriend is like that too. He does help every so often because he feels bad, but goes back. It's hard to get them to understand. Sometimes I just hand him the baby and pretend to go to the bathroom or take a long shower. Maybe just tell him you're starting to resent him.....that usually works for a few days. Good luck.

by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:56 AM

Yes you are asking too much and I agree with him.  You made that chose and now you have to live with it or leave him.  Then you'd be a real single parent doing all on your own. 

by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:57 AM

i honestly  think people dont like being forced into doing things.. for instance 2 hours doing this and 30  doing that. I get he spends his time at work  and hes told what to do and when to do it. You need to  find a way to make it his idea to spend time with the kids. My husband works 3pm-8am and he never gets to see our kids due to  school starting before hes home and him going to work before they get home. I know my husbands exhausted so one day of the week i plan something for all of us to do.. if its going to lego land or  bowling.  If i mention he hasnt spent enough time with the kids  it hurts his feelings and he gets defensive which  will just start an argument. Instead i  tell hi  how much the kids miss him and let them ask him to do something with him.. then he feels needed and loved without the pressure of me " nagging" as he calls it

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you asked too much at all. Actually, I don't think you should have to ask a father to spend time with his kids, or designate time slots for it.

Honestly, what's more important than his own children that he can't bothered to work them into his life?

Please don't buy the crap of "I'm too exhausted to play with them because I work." That's serious hypocritical BS.

Either what you do by staying home with kids all day is super relaxing (in which case, he can come home and do it to relax as well), or its not relaxing in the slightest, and therefore you work just as hard as he does, and deserve a full two days off as well.

Can't have it both ways.
by Emerald Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:09 AM
You picked a loser. Anyone can be a father, being a dad takes a real man. Would he be like this even if his job wasn't so demanding?
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:11 AM
You are a single parent, as far as raising not working at the moment, but I have three children and have worked and gone to school full time, as an actual single parent...! And I have always managed to still have QT with my children! I WANT TO THOUGH! Tired or not, I cook dinner, take them to the library, read bedtime stories, etc..n still managed to do my homework and wash my a**!!! Lolbs...ppl make time for whats important to them..i understand he is tired but these are his children as well! They didnt ask to be here, and he isnt hurting YOU by not spending time with them, he is hurting THEM...It sounds like hes taking it like hes doing YOU a favor...smh
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:12 AM

I would never have to ask my husband to spend time with his kids, he just does. Your boyfriend did not spend time with your first child, why would you bring this second child into the picture? 

by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:12 AM

I work full time and so does hubby and I would never down my husband for not taking the kids on his day off.  Kids are my responsibility and if he wants to sleep and enjoy his down time so be it.

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