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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am going to press charges on my DDs bf

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 55 Replies
1 mom liked this

She is 16 he is 26. Before I knew his age I didnt like like their relationship. Some of the stuff she would say about him weirded me out. Some of the text messages were kind of off. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with it. She said she saw him at school so at first I didnt know his age. What I didnt know is that she was sneaking him INTO the school to see him. I told her I wanted to meet him and I was shocked when I did. 

I didnt go crazy because I knew that wouldnt help anything. I told him I wanted to talk to him without my daughter hearing. I told him that he needed to put an end to the relationship NOW. I asked him what he had in common with my daughter...he could nto come up with anything but "she is pretty and I like her". I asked him simple questions about her to see if he even really knew here and he could barely answer. I told him that if I found him talking to here, or if she saw him I would call the cops and have charges pressed without a second thought. 

Well one night I heard the dogs started going crazy. I went downstairs and the backdoor was open and he was trying to jump the fence. I called the cops immediately. DH and I are pressing charges against him. My DD of course is pissed because they are "in love" but when I asked her the same questions I asked him she couldnt answer more than "i like older men". I can somewhat understand her dating someone a little bit older but 10 years older is a huge thing. 

My DD is not one of those really mature for her age girls. She has had one job but got fired because she could not do all her responsibilities at work. She has okay grades but she wont get a full ride scholarship probably. She still behaves like a child sometimes with full blown temper tantrums. We have been working very hard with her and she has started doing better at school and has started volunteering to get up her people skills and work skills but now she has no desire to get a job. 

I warned him. I gave him the chance to get away from my DD when I should have called the police just then and there. I thought maybe he would think Oh shit I am going to go to jail, i will be a registered sex offender and cut it out but he didnt. 

My DD is still really mad. Not because we are pressing charges but because she has had many privileges taken away. They will be taken away for awhile until we can trust her again. 

ETA: The age of consent here is 18. 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:26 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:29 AM

Around here, 16 is age of consent.  They wouldn't be able to do a thing, except get him for trespassing on the school property or breaking and entering your home.

Good luck, doesn't sound like a good situation AT ALL.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:30 AM

Here it is 18

Quoting Anonymous:

Around here, 16 is age of consent.  They wouldn't be able to do a thing, except get him for trespassing on the school property or breaking and entering your home.

Good luck, doesn't sound like a good situation AT ALL.


littlesippycup
by Ruby Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:32 AM

Hopefully it will stick and it isn't one of those states that consent old dirty perverts getting on teens.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't blame you. A grown man only wants one thing if he's dating a teenager. Let us know what the cops say.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:35 AM

As long as the age of consent where you are is 18, I say go for it.  You warned him.

If the age of consent was 16, then, unfortunately all you would be able to do would be to press charges for tresspassing, and I'm not even sure that would fly if your daughter was the one who let him in.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:35 AM
Where I live it is three years older.
I would be doing the same thing as you!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:37 AM
3 moms liked this

Wow, these situations are never easy.

I think these steps might help:

1.  If she's never been to a GYN, it is time to go.  Have her tested for STDs, have her on birth control.  You can't keep her locked in the basement, so getting a good BC could be her best option for not getting saddled with a bad decision. 
2.  I would try taking her to counseling.  Tell her you want her to understand the WHY of her decisions.  Maybe if she could articulate her feelings, you'd be more apt to trust her judgement?  (To her, this sounds like she can win you over.  The reality is, if she can articulate her feelings she'll most likely be talking herself out of bad decisions like this!)
3.  Stress the legal/safety side of this.  There should NEVER be a person you don't know about in your home!  If you own guns, ask her how she would have felt if your DH mistook him for a robber in the hall and opened fire?  If there are no guns, ask how she might have felt if he or your DH got injured in a case of mistaken identity upon stumbling into each other?  What if he was caught on school grounds and the school pressed charges?  Why would he make such risky decisions instead of just waiting it out because they are "in love" and therefore would be in love 2 years later when she could legally do her thing with him?

Alyssasmommy412
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:38 AM

How do you know they had sex, did one of them tell you? Dating isn't against the law. How did you know it was him jumping the fence did they catch him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:41 AM

We already went to the obgyn. They even did a rape kit. 

We also had our first couseling session yesterday but she didnt talk at all...the couselor said it was pretty normal and that overtime she should open up. 

I will talk to her about point number 3

Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, these situations are never easy.

I think these steps might help:

1.  If she's never been to a GYN, it is time to go.  Have her tested for STDs, have her on birth control.  You can't keep her locked in the basement, so getting a good BC could be her best option for not getting saddled with a bad decision. 
2.  I would try taking her to counseling.  Tell her you want her to understand the WHY of her decisions.  Maybe if she could articulate her feelings, you'd be more apt to trust her judgement?  (To her, this sounds like she can win you over.  The reality is, if she can articulate her feelings she'll most likely be talking herself out of bad decisions like this!)
3.  Stress the legal/safety side of this.  There should NEVER be a person you don't know about in your home!  If you own guns, ask her how she would have felt if your DH mistook him for a robber in the hall and opened fire?  If there are no guns, ask how she might have felt if he or your DH got injured in a case of mistaken identity upon stumbling into each other?  What if he was caught on school grounds and the school pressed charges?  Why would he make such risky decisions instead of just waiting it out because they are "in love" and therefore would be in love 2 years later when she could legally do her thing with him?


MsTRock
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:41 AM

what do you mean before you knew his age?

Shot, that's the first thing i would ask is how old is he. and he would be coming to my home so i can meet him before relationship is even thought about.

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