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I am the wife you are talking about. The one you despise UPDATE UPDATE

Posted by Anonymous
  • 293 Replies
7 moms liked this

I've been a SAHM for 10 years. I have no education. I married a wealthy man. We live in a very nice house. We have nice things. My husband is a good looking narcissistic sociopath. He is cruel, ruthless, cunning, extremely selfish, ugh I can go on. He is also abusive. We live in the middle of nowhere. A tiny town with only a few hundred people. I have no friends here. I have no family here. I am very much alone.

Tonight he is in bed with another woman. He isn't shy about it anymore. He secretly emptied our bank accounts down to $6. He opened accounts in other banks in someone elses name.

I don't have a car. I don't have any money. Our home is paid for and in both our names. But he will NEVER let me have our home.  He's made it clear if I try to get the house, he will go for custody of our two children. And because of his money, he will probably get it.

My huband doesn't love me.He is cold to me. He wants me to leave his home, his cars, his things, and possibly his children so he can move on with a new woman. Just like that. And he has slowly in the most calculated fashion, prepared himself to be rid of me for as little as possible. 

I never once prepared myself for the what ifs. Never thought it could happen to me. Now I am older. Not the little hottie I used to be. I guess I'm not the suburban housewife I aways wanted to be either. I am desolate. I am a cautionary tale. And I have no one to blame but myself for the ignorant choices I've made.

Now I'm sitting here scrolling through MC. Knowing that at this moment my husband is fucking another woman. And theres nothing I can do about it.

UPDATE: (sort of)

jan 5. I was awake until 3am. Couldn't fall asleep. Thank you all for encouraging words and useful advice.

I want to add to this OP. First, I found out about the affair a week before Thanksgiving. I had plans to spend the holiday out of state with the kids. Dh couldn't go. My first thoughts were to get through the holidays for the sake of the children. I made no plans when I first found out about the affair. I should've. It was obvious this wasn't his typical "Sorry, my dick accidently ended up in her pussy" kind of affair. When I returned from Thanksgiving getaway, he said he didn't want  a divorce. He wanted to save this marriage. (Really, he was just trying to pacify me, to bide some time without me making any moves). I didn't recognize this right away.

I went to see my sister for Christmas with the kids. He didn't come with us. I don't know where he was. I told my sister everything. She was angry and sad for me. She's always hated him. She urged me to see a lawyer when I return. On my way home from my visit, I used my bank card to put gas in the vehicle. I was hundreds of miles away from home. My bank card was denied. Thats NEVEr happened before. I called dh. He said he empited the account, but he will put a couple hundred bucks in the account so I could get home. I was shaken up. It just never occured to me he would do this. If I wasn't in a rental car, I don't know if I would've returned home.

He works in the city about an hour and half from here. Most of the time he stays there and comes on the weekends. He came home when I returned from visit with sister. He left a couple of days ago. I haven't really been able to talk to him since. Yesterday morning he sent me a text saying that his phone cannont receive or make calls out. He didn't know why but had called his IT guy. Since it was the weekend the guy hasn't gotten back to him. Of course, I knew he was full of shit. He wasn't alone and couldn't call me in front of his bitch.

Around 4pm yesterday, he text me to say he was trying to leave the site and head back to his room. He said if it was possible for him to call me he would. I suggested that I just call his room when he gets there. I asked where he was staying and what room number. He didnt respond again for hours. I text him over and over again. but he just ignored me. At around 9pm last night he text me saying that he was at a bar watching nfl playoffs. I said call me please. He said he couldnt. I said the bar and or someone there has a phone. Call me. He ignored me. I told him I knew exactly why he couldn't call me. He said I was being paranoid and that he will call me today. I told him to call me now. He ignored me for the rest of the night. I called. I texted. 

He will be here this afternoon. He will pretend that I am paranoid and that I am completely wrong about his whereabouts last night. I know exactly why he wouldn't call me or tell me where he was.

I called SAFE. They want to put me and kids in a shelter. I think I will have no choice but to go. But before I go, I want to talk to a lawyer. I need to make sure its okay for me and kids to leave the house.

I am going to continue to update this post. I have no one else to talk to about this and I am scared and lonely. Many of you have made me feel stronger and helped me put things into perspective. I really need that now.

UPDATE jan 9

There is really no update because I haven't been alone. The weather has kept him here. I haven't been able to see the attorney. He has been here for days. Its been horrible. One minute he is begging and loving and sorry, but the next minute he is cruel, and threatening and cold. Its been like this for days. He left last night. I am going through the kids rooms right now. Sorting their clothes and toys. I don't want to run on the fly. I want to pack our things and remove anything that I can't take with me when I leave from the house now. Its 10 years of accumulation. I have a lot to sort through. I left a message with SAFE this morning. Waiting for one particular person who is helping me to call me back.

And yes the situation is fragile. He is unpredictable and the constant mood swings are stressing me out even more.  He is trying to manipulate me and honestly, I'm trying to manipulate him. I'm just not as good at it as he is. But I've been able to back him off some. When he got home he was convinced I had one foot out the door and that I was going to try to nail him to the wall. I've managed to convince him that I want to try to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I don't think he truly knows what he wants. But as long as he thinks he is the one calling the shots either way, I can keep the situation somewhat under control until I can get out. 

I really don't want to go to a shelter. I've been trying to explore other options but the shelter at this point still seems like the safest and smartest thing to do. If just for the resources they can offer, if nothing else. I wish I could hang on until school is out. The kids and school are another issue altogether. The shelter is in a different school district. But they will send my kids to the same school they are attending now if thats what I want. Problem with that is that if he wanted to, there's nothing stopping him from taking the kids out of school. I really hate to change districts on them now, only because come fall, they will more than likely start back in yet another school district. The school they attend now is the only school they've ever been to and all their friends are there. This is so hard on them already. 

Thats where I am right now. And I still very much appreciate everyone's support and advice. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:25 PM
33 moms liked this
No, I don't despise you at all...

I just feel very, very bad for you. No one deserves that.

by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:25 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't despise you. I feel so so so sorry for you. I wish you the best.
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by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
17 moms liked this

i saw this in a tyler perry movie once...

by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Damn. It's never to late to come up with a plan to fight for your kids and yourself.

by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
I feel bad for you.

I would start making plans if I were you. It's never too late.

by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
4 moms liked this
Why would I despise you exactly? Also sounds like you need a lawyer because he can't keep as much from you in a divorce as he'd like.
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
Where are your closest relatives?
by on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
Why would anyone despise you?
I'm so very sorry you're in this position.
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this
I feel sorry for youm leave and run and run far away.
by Abby on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
Wow that's fucked up. Sorry for you.
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