Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WWYD (long) 2nd Chances... or 3rd

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Would you meet him?

Options:

Yes

No


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 1

View Results

My Dh and I have been married for 5 years.   I was head over heels for this man from the moment I saw him.  We dated briefly in highschool.  I went to college and he battled a meth addiction.  He went cold turkey and has been clean for 12 years.  The man that could do anything.  I never forgot about him.  I dated a lot of other guys that made sense on paper but not to my heart.  We ran into eachother by chance after he had been clean for a year.  The first night we got together we ordered chinese food at his apartment.  We opened our fortune cookies and his read "Don't be afraid to take the next big step".  Mine said " A person from your past has returned to steal your heart".  We have been together ever since.  In our relationship we have been through things most people never have to deal with.  He comes from a broken family and never really learned how to be a man or to love in any real capacity.  We took his 12 year old sister in for about 6 months because his mom wasn't abe to care for her.    We got married and have 2 kids together and he is the BEST dad.  He loves those girls to the end of the earth.  I fall in love with him over and over again when I watch him with them.  But 3 years ago he came to me and admitted he had been sexting other women that he worked with and that he had a porn addiction (as in choosing porn over me when I was in the next room).  He found a counselor and went for a few years.  We went to 2 different marriage counselors trying to work everything out.  3 months ago he tells me he doesn't know if this marriage is what he wants.  After everything that I had dealt with I snapped and asked him to move out so we could re-evaluate.  We discuss the terms of the separation and he stated he did not want to see other people.  He wanted to work through his issues and figure out "how to be a man".  Well... I looked through his phone and found him sending flirty texts to 2 different women.  I handed him his phone and asked for a divorce. 

Flash forward... He sends me this most perfect appology and asks me to have breakfast with him this weekend:

"Im not mad at you. How can I be?!? I just wanted to know if there was any possibility of me fixing this. You've been nothing but patient and selfless in this all.  You were right, it hurt.  It sank in when I walked into the house and realized that I had taken myself off our walls...more so that I had taken myself out of your heart.  I broke your trust, more times than I can count. I have damaged your self image...more times than I can count...I have chosen myself over you and our family...way more often than not.  I have surrendered to my addictions more readily than I did to my commitment to you.  I cheated on you, although I convinced myself I hadn't cause there wasn't anything physical...but I wasn't yours completely...which is cheating non the less...I've drug you through hell, not realizing that you loved me...not realizing that I loved you...not this house....not this life...not the future for our children that you and your family can and will provide...but you. Im sorry it took me killing this for me to open my eyes to what is really important in life. And im sorry more so that I will never have the chance to fix it.  To date you again, to tell you that you are as beautiful as pink sunrises, to appreciate you as a wonderful mother, to show you through my touch that you are beautiful to me, to show you how much I appreciate the wife you have been to me...even though I didn't deserve it...you are the love of my life, there will never be anyone to compare against how you have loved me...even when I didn't deserve it...I will always love you.  And I wish and hope you find the man you knew I was...even when I didn't. No matter what, I promise not to speak ill of you, I will support your decisions and hope nothing but the best.  I love you, even though I was to damaged to show it.  I can love you better"

Do I go or do I tell him to stop contacting me unless it is about our kids.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me 3 times and...

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:58 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:01 PM

I'm sorry it is so long... Trying to squeeze 15 years into a couple paragraphs.  I just need some perspective from people that don't know me

rosie211
by I'm a nice one on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:16 PM

Only you can decide what the best choice is here.

If it was me (in my own relationship) I would meet with him. I would even get back together if he agreed to therapy. But that is my relationship.

Good luck and here is a bump for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:21 PM

Cheating is grounds for divorce, so no one could blame you, but it sounds like you really want to be with him. I agree with the PP that therapy would be a must. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:22 PM

 Thank you.  My heart wants to meet him.  My brain is like "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?"

Quoting rosie211:

Only you can decide what the best choice is here.

If it was me (in my own relationship) I would meet with him. I would even get back together if he agreed to therapy. But that is my relationship.

Good luck and here is a bump for you.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:28 PM

 We tried therapy and it seemed to help.  Yet we are back where we started. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Cheating is grounds for divorce, so no one could blame you, but it sounds like you really want to be with him. I agree with the PP that therapy would be a must. 

 

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Mtdewwid
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:36 PM
I have seen addicts replace one addiction with another. He gave up meth and now he's doing this. I would try honestly. It sounds like you both love each other. There would.need to be couples.therapy, and he would need therapy of his own.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:47 PM
That is exactly what he did.

Quoting Mtdewwid: I have seen addicts replace one addiction with another. He gave up meth and now he's doing this. I would try honestly. It sounds like you both love each other. There would.need to be couples.therapy, and he would need therapy of his own.
almondpigeon
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:49 PM

tell him to stop contacting you unless it's about the kids.  it would be way too easy for you to go right back to him once the initial shock and anger are gone.

i'm so sorry, mama.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:52 PM
My brain knows you are right. Thank you.

Quoting almondpigeon:

tell him to stop contacting you unless it's about the kids.  it would be way too easy for you to go right back to him once the initial shock and anger are gone.

i'm so sorry, mama.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)