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apparently I was insensitive for announcing my pregnancy update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 314 Replies
Me and Dh have been very blessed to have 3 healthy children who are 2, 5 and 8 years old and nowI am 16 weeks along. My SIL has fertility problems and in the beginning of November she did her 4th and final round of IVF as her and her DH can't afford to do anymore.We were hoping it would be successful and we could announce my pregnancy after she announced hers. As it happens, it wasn't. This left us with me 14 weeks pregnant on Christmas Eve. As I am small framed and this is my 4th pregnancy, I was showing. We decided that we would just go to the in laws and if people notice they notice if not we would announce it later. MIL notice right away so we just told everyone else. well SIL got upset and left. Now she refuses to talk to me and DH saying that we were insensitive and i should have just "hid it". I feel for her situation but at the same time I think she needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her. Is that so wrong? ****************************UPDATE*************************************************** So to answer a frequently asked question I didn't tell SIL before hand because 1 we were hoping that with the excitement of Christmas, no one would notice my slightly changed figure and we could wait til after Christmas to tell his side of the family and 2. I knew if I told her first she would call most people in the family upset and tell them and expect consolation and I didn't want my pregnancy announced in such a negative way. I talked to my MIL about it and she said that a the biggest thing that is upsetting SIL is that I am pregnant after telling her that I wouldn't surrogate for her. I mentioned this in a few replies but if you missed that this is what happened. After her second failed round of IVF she asked me if I would surrogate for her. I said no because it's just not something I feel that I could put myself through. Apparently, she assumed that I just didn't want to go through another pregnancy. So now, according to MIL, she feels betrayed that I would go through a pregnancy to have a 4th child for myself but not a first for her. I really don't know how to feel about this but I have to say I find it very off putting that she feels she has the right to feel betrayed by what I chose to do with my body
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:34 PM

BUMP!

Firewoman33
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:34 PM
No, you weren't wrong. I'm sure she'll get over it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:34 PM
3 moms liked this

You handled it very very inappropriately.

You should have kindly told her beforehand, and told everyone else beforehand. Or, you could have not told everyone, but if anyone asked just didn't answer and tell them, or say it quietly and and say "but please keep it quiet for right now."

You owe her a BIG and I mean BIG APOLOGY. It was wrong of you to handle it this way and any psychologist would agree that you need to apologize to her.


BabyPink07
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:35 PM
2 moms liked this

no. She's wrong here. you don't need to hid bc of her. She needs to learn to deal with disappointment and cope with life. 

destiny3513
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:35 PM
4 moms liked this

You weren't wrong, she's depressed and sad. She's probably not feeling very womanly, can't have one baby and you have a whole group. :( sad. Sad. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:35 PM
Quoting Firewoman33: No, you weren't wrong. I'm sure she'll get over it.
Thanks hopefully she will
mamiof4monsters
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:35 PM

sorry no i don't think you was insensitive but how did she expect you to hide it from everyone?

matheson7
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't let her make you feel bad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:36 PM
6 moms liked this
Ehh I see both sides. I personally would have done what I could to have hidden it and waited until after the holiday to announce it. I think she isn't really mad at you she is just hurting so don't take it personally just try to be understanding and give her some time
stacey541
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:36 PM
3 moms liked this
I think you did the best you could by not making a big deal..what did she want you to do, hide it until delivery?
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