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It's going to be a bad anniversary - my fault?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies

My anniversary is coming up soon.  Money has been tight and so I told DH maybe we shouldn't do gifts.  I said I won't be happy but don't really see an option.  During year I feel guilty buying things so I alwys feel like b-days/anniversaries is a perfect time to splurge.  It's a big anniversary and I would have LOVED jewelry, but it's not happening so I know I'm going to be disappointed.  I've wanted an anniversary band and wanted to reset my diamond for so long.  My husband knows that, but we really can't do it.  Part of me hopes that maybe next year we can - especially if nothing happens this year. Ugh! Feeling SO depressed.  There are 2 ways this is going to go down:

1 - DH will order nice flowers and no gift.  I'll be short tempered, miserable and annoyed all day b/c things are not as I would have liked.

2 - DH will order flowers and get a smallish gift - something that I could have easily gotten myself and not any kind of jewelry. Worse I'll feel like I should have gotten him something - but he'll be the one who changed the rules.  Still be miserable and short tempered, annoyed. (stupid expectations that I have)

Ugh!  i sound like a spoiled brat. I know... Somehow I always ruin everything:(  I just miss the days of getting surprised with presents -randomly! Doesn't happen anymore b/c busy life, kids, no money etc.  That's why I feel like it should happen on anniversary.

Myabe I am looking to be bashed for my thoughts-maybe I deserve it or am just looking for a little perspective... Don't know what to feel.  Just wish I can skip that day this year.  I just miss the old days..things were so much easier.  By the way, I'm not a high maintenaince person in general. I use coupons, buy things at consignment stores, rarely get nails/hair done and I don't usually buy things that I don't need (at least not often).

I'll add one more thing that will probably make me look even worse - I think that we will be celebrating by going out for dinner or a show. 

I know everything is truly a matter of perspective and often get a kick in the butt reminder to be thankful for a good husband, kids, health, home etc.  We both have decent jobs and work hard at what we do.

I guess that sums things up.

(Posted here b/c annonymous option)

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:01 PM
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by Emerald Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:05 PM

Happy anniversary! We had deicded on that too and then we each ended up spending money on ourselves later i bought $25 worth of books for my kindle and he got a fishing lure for $25. We did that like a week after our anniversary though lol. Otherwise we got nothing and would have done nothing if it wasn't for his parents. No matter what happens I hope you have an amazing day and dont let not getting a present ruin the day. plan something special for whne the kids go to bed. like a movie and popcorn or something

by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:07 PM
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:08 PM
My dh has managed to ignore every holiday for four years, unless I specifically told him what to buy. Our anniversary was yesterday. He asked me all day what I wanted... I cried. Lol. At the end of the day, he surprised me with a nice sewing machine. One I would never have shelled out the money for. I never asked for it...

You need to step back. I feel silly for getting all worked up yesterday. You do not need to buy something. Make him a cake or cookies. Whatever he prefers. Give a back rub. Be creative.

Oh, and of you go into it with this attitude, you will be disappointed no matter what he does.. expect a small gesture. Be happy to celebrate and stop looking at it as an excuse for gifts.
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:10 PM
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We haven't exchanged gifts for years, just nice cards and a nice dinner.  We used to go all out when money was more plentiful!  Maybe instead of doing anything you could each put a bit of money aside for something in the future you'd both like, like a weekend away or something?

by on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:12 PM
We only do dinner on our anniversaries. We enjoy that quality time alone and it's the most important gift for both of us. I understand the disappointment, but your love for him sounds superficial. I feel badly for him that all you would care about is what he can or cannot supply you.
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:15 PM

we will be married for 17 yr next month and we havent done gifts for our anniversary in years, we dont even celebrate it on our anniversary, we go out within a month of you make to much of things.

by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:15 PM
We had a 10 limit. He bought me flowers. I hate flowers...he knows this ug!
So i told him dont buy my flowers for an anniversary ever again. Flowers as a suprise means you were thinking of me flowers for an anniversary means you didnt think of me enough and just got a crappy boquet of flowers on your way home.

I got him this turbo key chain he kept talking about. He loves it. He gets to carry it around everyday. I had to throw mine away abd now have nothing!

Sorry thos has nothing to do with you but i guess i had to vent about crappy anniversary too.
by Mariann on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:16 PM
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In the 19 years we have been married we've never exchanged gifts. We go out to dinner and a movie. I love it. We get to spend some time alone just the two of us. 

by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:17 PM

I think you sounds horribly selfish, my DH and I didn't get each other anything for our anniversary this last year and that was fine because it was a mutual decision. I'm happy that we are still married after all of these years and I'm happy we are both happy and that's all of the gift I need.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2014 at 7:27 PM

We haven't exchanged anniversary gifts in years, probably since our first or 2nd. Instead we go out for a really nice dinner on the Sat. night closest to our anniversary. It's kid free and it's always what I want as a gift.

Maybe instead of store bought gifts you can make each other coupon books for different stuff - back rubs, walks in the park, etc… Have fun. Have an indoor picnic after the kids are in bed. Just go with it. It's the anniversary of your commitment to each other, not to the local jewlery shop.

I hope you end up having a very happy anniversary!

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