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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

sick of feeling unappreciated and getting a miserable attitude from dh

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
I am the "breadwinner" for the family, and dh is a sahd. Prior to ds being born, we both worked, and after my maternity leave ended and I went back to work, we both worked until ds was about 18 months old. At that time he was diagnosed with severe low functioning autism, and because we were dealing with daily therapy appointments, and a child we couldn't trust anybody else to watch, we decided for one of us to stay home. The choice was simple, as I made more money, and our health insurance is through my job. Now ds is in school full time (he's almost 4), and dh is trying to find a part time job around school hours, but isn't having much luck yet. Financially, we don't need him to work, but I know he wants to find something to do. But either way, for now he's home, and from 730am until 3pm ds is at school.

Every night I come home from work to a mess (or a mess by my standards anyway, not the way I want my house to be kept). 2 or 3 nights a week I make my own dinner because he has made something simple for ds and himself and not made anything for me. And worst of all, every night I come home to a miserable attitude. He's always got something to bitch about. Whether it's a fight he got in with his sister, or ds being a handful, or not getting enough sleep (when he CHOSE to stay up until 2am and not take a nap while ds was at school). His attitude is just terrible, and if I so much complain about being tired, or overwhelmed from a tough day at work, I'm just being a bitch. Mind you, I work well over 40 hours per week (and I'm salaried so no overtime either), and I have a high stress job. I handle high value claims for a bank. I spend all day investigating reports of identity theft, fraudulent transactions totalling $10,000 or more, and widespread theft reports. Since the target incident, I've been working even more hours than usual, and dealing with constant bs (because my manager put me in charge of the situation). So yes, I can be on edge when I get home, and going into work at 7am on some days, and not getting home until 8pm some nights, can really take a lot out of me. But I'm NEVER allowed to complain. And God forbid I mention that he forgot to do the dishes, or ask why there's nothing for me to eat. It's always about HIS exhaustion, and how he feels, and how I don't do anything around the house (which is complete bull shit).

I'm just fed up. He has a lazy streak to him, and I can deal with that, because most of the time he's great, and I've come home to a spotless house and a delicious dinner way more often than I've come home to a mess and a microwaved hot pocket. But it's the attitude that I just can't stand. I've thought about telling him to see if his old job would want him back, and take the pay cut and figure out something else for health insurance. I'd almost rather deal with that than his constant misery.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tatiana7
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Hire a maid.
suzanneyea
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:37 PM

I have no advice. My husband works. Dinner is always prepared, laundry done and house is pretty much spotless. I still take my toddler to playgroup daily too and run errands. What I do as a sahm is pretty standard too. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:37 PM
Umm..I'm not sure how that will fix th problem, but thanks for the tip, I guess.

Quoting Tatiana7: Hire a maid.
Tatiana7
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:44 PM
The house would be clean.

Quoting Anonymous: Umm..I'm not sure how that will fix th problem, but thanks for the tip, I guess.



Quoting Tatiana7: Hire a maid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:45 PM
Which, as I said, is the least of my worries. A bit of a mess I can handle. The constant miserable attitude has me at the end of my rope.

Quoting Tatiana7: The house would be clean.



Quoting Anonymous: Umm..I'm not sure how that will fix th problem, but thanks for the tip, I guess.





Quoting Tatiana7: Hire a maid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:48 PM

Sounds like he isn't the only one with a miserable attitude!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:48 PM
Okay, whatever you say :)

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like he isn't the only one with a miserable attitude!

mommy_me
by ~The Three B's~ on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:50 PM
He is miserable. He needs to get out and find some self worth. :/
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:53 PM
I agree, and I tell him that (not in those words of course). I've tried to encourage him going back to school if he's unable to find a job. I've encouraged him spending more time with his friends, because he has a couple friend's that are either also sahds like him, or work nights. I try to think of fun things to do on my days off as a family so we can enjoy our time together. I thank him almost daily for being willing to put aside the desire to be the breadwinner in exchange for being there for ds. I try, I really do. I'm just at the end of my rope here.

Quoting mommy_me: He is miserable. He needs to get out and find some self worth. :/
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:58 PM

DH is the same right now, and I know it is linked to his depression about being unable to find work. I'm just trying to be understanding and support him. It helps DH if we look for jobs for him to apply to in the evening and go over his resume and applications together in the evening before he submits them. It has also helped since he has started admitting the situation has him severely depressed.

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