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Ugh why did it take so long for me to figure this out?

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 2:44 PM
  • 4 Replies
My dad has always been emotionally distant. Always there for me financially, but never a real relationship. Well he's a quadraplegic so I never really held it against him. Idk if it is his personality or because of his condition. So, naturally, my ex-husband was emotionally distant, but provided well financially. We met in high school and married at 18. After two kids and him cheating a few times, we divorced. I have been with SO for 16 months and he is emotionally distant. Obviously I am attracted to emotionally distant men, but the problem is that neither of them were like that in the beginning. Of course at first they were charming and loving. But something subconsciously told me that they had great potential to be cold and distant. SO was so fun and sweet and loving in the beginning, I just loved spending time with him and he had a shitty job so at first I didn't see that eventually he would be only financially supportive and nothing else. Sigh. Took me 26 years to realize this. I don't understand how when I got with SO he was nothing like (or didn't seem like) my father, but now it's like why the fuck is this happening? I just want a little TLC! I have discussed my feelings with him but it kind of seems like he just doesn't understand. Like that's just how he is. Well he wasn't like this before! God it makes me think there's something wrong with ME, like I have somehow unknowingly changed him or something. How the hell did my brain know that this is how he really was and therefore attracted me to him? Aahhh I just want to be loved! Lol. This sucks. I think I'll just be done with dating for an extremely long time until I'm done with years of therapy. I've got issues. Thanks for reading.
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 2:44 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Mocha.Maya.Me
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 2:48 PM

 Paragraphs - -  they make reading so much easier. 

Without even reading it all, I can paraphrase - -  Your dad was cold and distant therefore you also picked men who were cold and distant.

Next time pick the opposite of what you're drawn too.   :O)

texansmommy
by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 2:55 PM
That's what I tried to do with SO...but he turned into someone cold and distant. Wtf? He wasn't like this at all, maybe it's me...

Quoting Mocha.Maya.Me:

 Paragraphs - -  they make reading so much easier. 


Without even reading it all, I can paraphrase - -  Your dad was cold and distant therefore you also picked men who were cold and distant.


Next time pick the opposite of what you're drawn too.   :O)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 16, 2014 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this

It's your actions that's making the difference. I had to learn the hard way myself and had to change my actions to get the reactions I needed and wanted.

mojogirl
by Ouiser Boudreaux on Jan. 16, 2014 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this

men, by nature, are emotionally distant. its roses in the beginning cause they want to impress, once they do that, their romance habits tend to tall off.

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