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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

So when you cohabitate with a man and have his child, marriage is useless right?

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 1:55 PM
  • 197 Replies

 Yes, I have low self esteem issues thanks to a bad history of being bullied in school, I'm psychologically damaged when it comes to taking the next step in a relationship. You can't help falling in love and the first time I was blinded and very young, popped out a child, never married. The relationship was on and off for 13 years then I had to be the one with the willpower to finally end it. Then 2 years later met a new man, became friends for a year, then developed chemistry and fell in love. He was the one who asked me if I wanted more children(if I wanted children with him). I was extremely happy and said yes.

Before that though, in the beginning of the relationship he told me he didn't want to get married again. Been married twice. One was a high school sweetheart, married cause she was pregnant and she later cheated on him with his best friend. The second wife died of cancer. I was never married. Fast forward, our son is now 14mths old, and our relationship is still going strong and our son is very healthy and happy baby. My boyfriend did change his mind about what he said in the beginning about marriage and wanted to marry me but we never took the time to go down to the courthouse.

I'm not the type that would be pushy. After all I've been a single mom for almost 10 years(I still count now because legally it's true and plus I raise my other son who lives with us, I'm a single mom to him).

Some of you will get the wrong idea that he's stalling. No. We're just really focused on our growing baby and we work really hard at our jobs and are exhausted a lot. We only have one day off together as a family since we work opposite shifts and difficult schedules.

My point is since we already live together, have a family...there's no point in getting married right? I'm the type that is fine with settling. And I don't care about never being a Mrs______ or the last name differences. Our son has his dad's last name. My family is disappointed that I settled but my life doesn't effect theirs. I know no one cares, but I just had to get this out.

by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 1:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
suzanneyea
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people care and some people don't. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:00 PM
8 moms liked this

legality matters, because legally you cant make decisions for you SO if something happened to him, that would have to be his next of kin, which you will not be considered.

fullxbusymom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:00 PM
10 moms liked this

Ummm no!!  Not for me.  It was extremely important for us to get married.  I care to be honest. 

Legally you aren't recognized as anything for your S/O in the eyes of the law.  That is a very important thing if something were to happen to him.  You have zero rights and his family could kick you out of a hospital, out of any major decisions etc regarding him, his care or god forbid death if something were to happen. 

KatLee42513
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:00 PM
We dated 9 years before marriage - lived together for 5 years. Lots of ppl don't get married. I don't think it makes a relationship. Ifyour happy - tthat's all that matters
justinnaimee
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:00 PM
If you're happy why does *our* opinion matter?
KatLee42513
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:01 PM
3 moms liked this
You can get a legal document. We did it :). You don't have to be married to make decisions.

Quoting Anonymous:

legality matters, because legally you cant make decisions for you SO if something happened to him, that would have to be his next of kin, which you will not be considered.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

We will see when something happens and his family disagrees with you.   look at the stuff going on with that brain dead mom and unborn baby. The husband/ father is the legal next of kin, can you imagine if he wasn't..

Quoting KatLee42513: You can get a legal document. We did it :). You don't have to be married to make decisions.

Quoting Anonymous:

legality matters, because legally you cant make decisions for you SO if something happened to him, that would have to be his next of kin, which you will not be considered.


KatLee42513
by on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:03 PM
We are married now but we were together for 9 years. We had a legal document and considering I'm in the legal field, I'd know.lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

We will see when something happens and his family disagrees with you.

Quoting KatLee42513: You can get a legal document. We did it :). You don't have to be married to make decisions.



Quoting Anonymous:

legality matters, because legally you cant make decisions for you SO if something happened to him, that would have to be his next of kin, which you will not be considered.


lnrmom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Your Life. Only opinion that matters is yours.
mrsbrand
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2014 at 2:03 PM

Only you can decide that. you need to sit down and think about it deeply. When you figure out how you feel about it talk to your SO and tell him how your feeling. Then you two can discuss what to do with your relationship. If you choose not to marry just get legal documents to give you access to him in the event of a medical emergency and vice versa. Also take into consideration legal documents for death benefits and all that stuff too. You can still protect your family without marriage it just may take more leg work. Good luck!

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