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Is this fair (custody/CS)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 99 Replies
Disclaimer: Yes, I know I'm an idiot, I had a brief bout of stupidity, you don't need to inform me. I've hated myself ever since.

That said. I've been talking to the man I'm about 90% sure is my youngest DD's BD. Pending the results of the DNA test What we've discussed is me keeping sole custody of DD, but I will take her to him for visitation, I'm not asking for child support or medical, I can provide all that and have been, but he has to help with the gas and room costs for visitation and once it goes to overnights he provides for her at his home. I live in Killeen, he lives in Houston, it's a 400 mile round trip for him to see her. He doesn't even want the DNA test, he's sure she's his, I'm insisting to be on the safe side.

He wants me to bring her to him, which is fine, but that means I have to find childcare for my other two kids and take time off from work. Is it fair for me to ask him for help to make visitation happen? I do want to make note that I really don't know him that well, (hence the bout of stupidity) I want to get to know him as well while DD does, just so I know she's safe with him.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BrownEyedGirl86
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:32 PM
4 moms liked this

why not have him come to you in the begining so your dd isn't changing her surroundings too much.  and then as the visits progress you guys can go from there

lillettemomma
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:35 PM
As the custodial parent (in most states) you are responsible for getting your child to and from visits unless otherwise stated in a court order..... Also if you were never.married and there is no Co then he has as much rights as you don't on the said child once dna has been proven just so you know
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:36 PM
2 moms liked this
I think you are crazy for waiving child support. Regardless of what you want, SHE has the right to be supported by both parents. Your circumstances could change at any time.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:38 PM
He doesn't have the means to travel, or a place to stay and he refuses to stay with me between me and my roommates there's 7 kids in the house. I can barely afford 50% of the travel costs, much less 100%.

I wish he would, his car is a lot better on gas than my SUV.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

why not have him come to you in the begining so your dd isn't changing her surroundings too much.  and then as the visits progress you guys can go from there

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:38 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting lillettemomma: As the custodial parent (in most states) you are responsible for getting your child to and from visits unless otherwise stated in a court order..... Also if you were never.married and there is no Co then he has as much rights as you don't on the said child once dna has been proven just so you know

 This whole response is not true.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Silver Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this

if he isn't paying child support he can get a cheap motel to sleep in and visit your child in your home - I know its her father and all but hell if i would let my kid go with someone I barely knew....

Quoting Anonymous: He doesn't have the means to travel, or a place to stay and he refuses to stay with me between me and my roommates there's 7 kids in the house. I can barely afford 50% of the travel costs, much less 100%.

I wish he would, his car is a lot better on gas than my SUV.

Quoting BrownEyedGirl86:

why not have him come to you in the begining so your dd isn't changing her surroundings too much.  and then as the visits progress you guys can go from there



texasgirl77
by Gold Member on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Before you take her, you need to make sure you have LEGAL full custody. Otherwise, once the dna results are in, he has every right to refuse to return her to you. Not trying to scare you, just make sure you have it legalized and documented.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:42 PM
Wow you have no idea what you're talking about.Op this reply is complete ly false information.

Quoting lillettemomma: As the custodial parent (in most states) you are responsible for getting your child to and from visits unless otherwise stated in a court order..... Also if you were never.married and there is no Co then he has as much rights as you don't on the said child once dna has been proven just so you know
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:43 PM

I think the visitation should be at your home or at some half-way point.  There is NO WAY I would drop off my child with a stranger, even if it is her bio dad.  The custody agreement would have to be staggered - for example:  he sees her 2 Saturdays a month for 2  hours with you in attendence, then after 6 months, may be he spends 1/2 a day with the child, etc......    He needs to make some effort, to meet you at least 1/2 between your homes.  This is going to require alot of work for the both of you.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 22, 2014 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this

i'm sorry but i wouldn't be traveling anywhere. he can come to you if he's the dad.

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