Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Have you ever "broken up" with family or close friends?

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:29 AM
  • 142 Replies
2 moms liked this

My Dad Hurt Me So Much I Finally Had to Cut Ties

by Kristen Chase 

My Dad Hurt Me So Much I Finally Had to Cut TiesWhen I tell people that I hadn't talked to my dad for a year or so before he died, I cannot tell you the number of times I get all sorts of looks of horror as if I've committed some awful crime.

I realize that some people feel as though family members should get a lot of extra chances, even if they've hurt you deeply. In fact, I was one of those people.

But now I say "screw that." These days, I'm all about protecting my heart. If only I had done that sooner.

I admit that most people understand there's probably more to the situation than me simply writing off my father. And not just because some of them know me and know that I wouldn't give up that easily, but also because situations like this usually involve repeat offenses or something pretty awful that would make a person finally say "ENOUGH."

I started to look at my relationship, or really lack thereof, like I would a friendship. Or heck, even a business relationship. At what point when you feel like you're constantly getting burned or treated poorly do you decide that you've had enough?

Probably a lot sooner than you might with your own father.

But really, how is that much different? You're putting your heart out there, outstretching your hand for it only to get crushed. And slapped.

And while I'm a pretty strong person and like to consider myself someone who doesn't give up easily, as well as someone who's willing to work on her problems, I've decided that at a certain point, I needed to take care of myself and my own feelings.

Sure, I could certainly greatly lower my expectations, which probably would be helpful.

Or I could decide that there's not anything I can do that I really feel I should do and move on.

This is pretty challenging, of course, because well, I think we all want to believe that the person will change.

Now my father died before I had kids, but I probably would have written him off sooner if I had been a mom when he was still alive. I mean, if the other person isn't even really making an effort to see or talk to them, why should you try to continue that relationship for your children? What message is that sending them -- that one person sometimes has to take all the responsibility to keep a relationship going?

It's not something I would take lightly.

But I truly believe at some point you need to put on your "big girl" pants and decide you deserve better. And if that person isn't going to respect you and offer some sort of glimpse of hope that they're willing to engage with you in a meaningful way, your energy can be spent on other more important things and people.

Have you ever "broken up" with family or close friends?

by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:29 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:32 AM

Three times.   Don't miss any of them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:33 AM
I have had to distance myself from my sister multiple times due to her being an alcoholic and being verbally and emotionally abusive. Shes very manipulative and when she's drinking I cant handle her lack of taking responsibility and head games. I used to let her hurt me so much but she cant anymore because i don't let her.
Bubbie0809
by Dreaded hippie on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:34 AM
I have only had a handful of conversations with my father in 16 years. So, yes ties are cut and as it is I have no interest in talking to him again.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Yep. I had neighbors who helped watch my kids. Where there during hard times. Pitched it when I needed help with school closings, childcare, etc. They did stuff that annoyed me but I let it go for the good of the relationship and my kids liked theirs. Well, I am divorced and couldn't figure out how my ex husband was getting so much information about my life. Like when and where I was getting married to my DH; when we had arguments; where I worked, etc. etc. Turns out they were spying on me to give information to my ex husband. So, we completely cut them from our lives and all the drama with my ex husband came to a hault. They had a tendency to exaggerate so I can only imagine what was being told.

ZakkarysMom
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:38 AM
I am considering doing that with my sister. I have asked SO many times to just hang out. I either get no response or she is busy. There are many other reasons I will not get into.
BKozICan
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Not so much broken up, but drifted apart from my mom. A couple years ago she was my best friend--we talked at least once every other day. Then she started dating this guy and she has called me once i. The last 18 months. I tried for a while, but now I don't even try. She moved in September and I don't have her new phone number or address. If there was an emergency, apparently my dh has her cell number to text (she still texts him every so often, but not my sister, brother or I).

madwifa
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:38 AM

 yes she was my bff for more then 18 yrs then she went wacko and said she was pregnant. She went so far as taking me to a dr's apt with her to hear the babies heart beat. THERE WAS NOT BABY. She was not pregnant. Sucky part she kepts saying she was 11 monts pregnant. REALLY? when I told her she was crazy she said well look at my stomach. I said you are fat you have always been fat. Plus you are almost 50 things change. She stuck with her story then went into she had some tumor that caused her to be like she was pregnant. WTF she was wacked.

We have not spoken in years she tells her sister she can't believe I got so upset she didn't cause me any pain.

Oh I forgot to memtion she let me buy baby clothes and furniture for it. This fake baby....

Bitch

bhow
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:41 AM

Yep, don't miss my mother one bit.  She is toxic and my life is quite pleasant without her bullshit, thank you for asking.

Melissa_4
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:42 AM

Yes.  I cut communication with my parents at the beginning of November.  It wasn't easy, but I had to stop the insanity.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 23, 2014 at 9:43 AM
I have not seen or spoken to my grandmother in almost 6 years. She did and said alot of hurtful things to me growing up, she Is bi polar. She even tried to hit my dh with a frying pan she missed fell on her butt, and then tried to tell people he assaulted her. My last straw how even was a week latter (she had been off her meds) she came after my new born dd with a pocket knife saying she was going to kill her and she should never of been born. I have not seen or spoken to her since. My mother talked me out of pressing charges and she has been back on her meds and supposedly stable but I will never have anything to do with her ever again. I doubt I will even attend her funeral.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)