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dh is getting fixed tomorrow and i am not happy about it :(

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:46 PM
  • 118 Replies
I thought after 4 kids I would be done. I have 4 girls ages 8, 4, 3 and 2mns. Dh is done and has his appoint to get a vasectomy tomorrow afternoon. I am not okay with it and he knows it. I don't want another baby right now but I still want another one someday. I respect that he don't want anymore kids but that don't change the fact that I do. It makes me sad that I will never get to have another baby. I just wish we agreed on this subject. Have any of you been in this situation, if so what was the out come?
by on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ilovemykids323
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:48 PM

 We have 4 kids as well. If we could afford it i'd be okay with having more. My Dh does not want anymore. He was ready to be done after 3. So I'm okay with being done. It's hard when you dont agree on it though. I just didn't want to push it with my husband.

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:51 PM
Yah except reversed. He wasn't done and I was. We quit.
mama91605
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Is he okay with that choice now. I am not going to stop him since its what he wants but I don't think I will ever be happy with it.

Quoting got2monsters: Yah except reversed. He wasn't done and I was. We quit.
mama91605
by Bronze Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 2:59 PM
I don't want to push him either thats why I am not going to stop him. I have told him how I feel and he has told me how he feels. I guess he is just going to win this one.

Quoting ilovemykids323:

 We have 4 kids as well. If we could afford it i'd be okay with having more. My Dh does not want anymore. He was ready to be done after 3. So I'm okay with being done. It's hard when you dont agree on it though. I just didn't want to push it with my husband.

chalisa0
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:03 PM

Is he broken?  (Dogs get "fixed" not people.)  It's his body and his right to decide that he is going to be responsible and not add anymore to this overpopulated world.  You already have 4 kids.  I'm sure you'll live if you don't have any more.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:08 PM
4 moms liked this

I would start some counseling.

Also, keep in mind if he gets a vasectomy that doesn't mean an absolute END to babies and children in your life.  You might find yourself in a position to foster or adopt.  You might find yourself getting into volunteer work to help babies and young children.  You have a big heart with more room for love, but that doesn't mean it HAS to be limited to your own offspring.

Ideally, you'd both agree before the procedure was done.  Since that isn't the case, you need to resolve the issues afterwards and do your best to keep an open mind and an open heart.

I'll add, not being snarky, but WHO is responsible for providing for these children?

In our society, that answer is almost always "The Man!"  If you're a SAHM, and he's at work looking at his income and 401K and seeing a limit to what he can provide, he's being extremely responsible.  If you both work, he might be looking at all these children in daycare and the needs they'll have with 2 working parents and feel he's making the best choice to give everyone the best, instead of continuing to have to divide assets, time, and vacations, kwim?

PoisonEyeV
by ☆ No Ragrets ☆ on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

You have 4 presumably healthy kids be happy with what ya got :)

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:13 PM
Ehh. He says he's alright with it, but I don't believe that. I can tell when he fibs for my feelings. He accepts it bc he knows I am just not up for anymore kids.

Quoting mama91605: Is he okay with that choice now. I am not going to stop him since its what he wants but I don't think I will ever be happy with it.



Quoting got2monsters: Yah except reversed. He wasn't done and I was. We quit.
TableforSeven
by Ruby Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Unless both members of the couple are 100% certain they are done....neither should be doing anything permanent for birth control.  Especially since he knows your feelings - he should NOT be getting it done. I'm sorry that he is being so insensitive and selfish.

my3makemehappy
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2014 at 3:16 PM

My husband and I both agreed after our 3rd we were done. 

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