This pregnancy is ruining our marriage... :( Edit to clarify. Happy update! :)
Due to medical issues we can no longer be intimate. I know he still has needs, and try to assist in anyway I can. But usually he just turns to porn.
It wasn't really an issue aside from me missing being close to him that way. But I opened a browser on his computer to check his email for something and started typing in the page and hundreds of porn sites came up.
I'm hurt because at 6 months pregnant I know I'm not the best to look at physically. But even after having the baby, there's no way I can compete with what he's watching. And after 8-10 months of porn, I'm terrified that I won't satisfy him.
I gave him permission to watch porn because I thought I was secure enough to not have it be an issue, but now seeing how much he is watching it. I'm not feeling so secure about it.
This is not a debate about whether you allow your SO/DH to watch porn, but how I can deal with this until I can physically please him? Please help.
I don't think I worded the OP very well. I told him I was okay with him watching it. I knew before this he watched porn. Even I watched porn. But watching it together was something we've never done. And I openly admit I am very insecure with my body. Prior to this pregnancy I had no doubts he loved me the way I was. But with a history of sexual abuse the whole "putting on a show" or touching myself and allowing him to watch was and still is something I haven't over come.
I don't think the issue is the porn itself. Especially since it was in the picture long before the pregnancy and we had a pretty healthy and active sex life. Now that I'm calmer I see the issue is the lack of affection we had outside the bedroom. We do cuddle when we sleep still but that's about the extent of our affection right now. I just feel ignored and I tried to communicate that to him tonight when he came home. It didn't go over so well so I'm going to write down what I'm feeling and try again tonight after our kids are asleep so maybe he can reassure me and help me feel better about this.
As far as blowing him I do try, but he's so hard to get off that way that I feel like my face is going to fall apart lol. I'm definitely not a porn star who can blow a guy for 30+ minutes. It just don't work. But I will try some of the other suggestions that have been posted.
Update: So I managed to get everything wrote down and DH read it. He talk to me about it and is making a big effort to show affection towards me now. We messed around this morning and while he didn't get a "release" he was still satisfied and so was I. And he said he would start clearing his history when it gets big like it was cause that's just a scary amount of porn to be watching lol. But in his defense it was months of porn and not days (it doesn't show exact dates just most visited sites). Anyways, thank you for the support and encouragement.