Last night after doing dishes and realizing that a very large knife was in fact not at the bottom of the sink. I sent my husband on a mission to tear apart the kids bedroom to see if he could find it. What he did find was sooooooooooo much worse than any large kitchen knife imaginable.
Turn back now, if you have a weak stomach.
No, seriously, even the mom with a stomach of steel will likely gag in her mouth.
Ok, for those whose curiosity has killed them and made them stay. Don't say I didn't warn you.
What my husband found under my 4 year old sons bed, was disturbing and disgusting. It was a serious, wtf did I do in my life or past life that was so bad, kind of a moment.
My husband found a popcorn bag. The popcorn bag is not what is disgusting. I know, you said, "well, wtf is so disgusting and disturbing about a popcorn bag?"
It was what was in the bag that was disturbing and disgusting.
Turn back now. Last warning! Seriously, turn BACK!
One of my boys, either my 6 year old or 4 year old shit, yes shit, defacated, pooped, took a dump, went #2, whatever you want to call it. They shit into this popcorn bag and then hid it under a bed.
Seriously? Yes, dead serious. It was disgusting. It was disturbing. It was so many things that I can't even describe. It was less than amazing though.
I was in disbelief when my husband came down the stairs with said bag and asked which child was so disgustingly foul that they couldn't shit in one of the three, yes three, bathrooms we have in this house.
There was a lot of finger pointing and off the wall nonsense. But no actual guilty party was named. 6 year old said the 4 year old did it, 4 year old said the 6 year old did it. Hell they even tried to blame their 1 year old sister.
This shit (pun intended) was not in the parenthood brochure, that's for damn sure! Wtf is wrong with my disgustingly sick caveman children? The hell if I know! Why in the bloody hell would they do this? Again, I don't know. What would ever possess anybody to do this is beyond me.
My mommy instincts are telling me it was my 6 year old. Two reasons, first being he's not disgusted by poop, in fact he is disgustingly fascinated by the shit (again, intended pun). Secondly, my 4 year old freaks out if he has to go to the bathroom and he always invades my bathroom if theirs is occupied.
Oh and for those wondering, no, I have yet to find my rather large kitchen knife. However, there was a small steak knife under my 6 year olds bed.
Remember, these are the good years *sarcastic eye roll* good years my god damn ass! I want to hang them from the ceiling fans by their fuckin toes. Obviously I won't. But it sure sounds appealing at this point.