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Since it is apparently abortion night here on CafeMom...

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:16 AM
  • 116 Replies
1 mom liked this

I have a couple of serious questions about the hypocrisy of abortion laws. I am not trying to be sarcastic. These scenarios are taken from real life situations that I have seen first hand. One of them actually happened to me.

Scenario A

A man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is pregnant. The man does not want to have a child and demands that she get an abortion. She refuses. The baby is born and she takes him to court for child support. The judge informs the father that, since he fathered the child, he has to take responsibility for the half of her medical bills and pay her $400 a month for child support. He declines his visitation but still has to pay. The father is considered a dead beat. The mother is pitied because she she didn't choose this and she didn't get herself pregnant but her dead beat baby daddy won't help her and now her son is going to have to grow up without a father. After all HE made a baby so HE should have to support it. The man has no choice in the matter.

Scenario B

A man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is pregnant. She does not want to be a mother. She is a college student that doesn't want the responsibility. She wants to sleep until noon and party all night. A baby would just mess all of that up. Why should she give up drinking and smoking pot for 9 months, get fat, and possibly lose her figure? After all, that is what men love about her. She tells the father that she is pregnant and orders that he fork over the money for an abortion. He refuses. He wants to give up partying and sleeping until noon for the joys of poopy diapers and late night feedings. He has is already in love with the "potential life" growing inside of her. He offers to take custody of the baby and completely release her from any parental rights, responsibility, and obligation. She reluctantly agrees and asks for the money to go see an OB/GYN and make sure that everything is ok. He calls a week later to find out what the doctor said and guess what? She took that money and had an abortion without telling him. He is now furious with her. The mother was exercising her rights as a woman to terminate her pregnancy. That poor girl. She felt like she had to tell a lie just to get the money to have an abortion. That man is so insensitive. She wasn't ready to get be a mother. HE got her pregnant. He should have paid for her abortion. It was the least he could have done. The father had no right to try and talk her out of it. It was HER decision to make. It is HER body and HER choice. He shouldn't have a say in it at all.

Scenerio C

A man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is pregnant. She is only 16 and she is soon to be college bound. She worked so hard to graduate early and now this. Her boyfriend doesn't want any responsibility. She doesn't want to be a mother. She is faced with two decisions. She either has an abortion or she gives the baby up for adoption. She goes to a family friend, her former babysitter and fellow church member, who is also a young single mother, for advice. She KNOWS that this friend is anti-abortion. What does the friend do? The only thing that she feel she can to protect someone she loves and cares about from making a permanent mistake and to save an innocent life. She offers to adopt the baby. This isn't something she sought out. She is struggling as it is, with just one child, but, to prevent an abortion, she felt like she had do offer. The teenager weighs the pros and cons of the situation. She talks about it with her mother, pastor, and boyfriend (the baby's father). In the end, she decides that she doesn't want to be a mother but she doesn't want an abortion either. She decides to let the friend adopt the baby. The excited soon-to-be adoptive mother shares the news on a social network geared towards mothers (three guesses which one) in a group designed for those affected by adoption (adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, birth mothers, and adoptees). She gets bashed for making the offer. The teenager doesn't want to be a mother. She had NO right to make that offer and make her decision even harder. As a friend and as someone that she looks up to and trusts, she should have just offered her love and support. If she decided to give the baby up for adoption on her own than great. The teenager went to her for advice and she didn't need to have pro-life shoved down her throat. It doesn't matter that this is the teenager's choice. She would have been able to wipe the slate clean and move on with her life if it wasn't for the nosy bitch that made the offer. Now she is going to have HER baby ripped form her arms and given to someone who is only looking for a baby without any care for the incubator the baby came from. Now she will go through the rest of her life knowing that her baby is out there somewhere, being raised by another woman. You heartless bitch. What are you going to do in five years when she comes back and decides she wants her baby back?


For A & B, my question is this. Why is it that the man is expected to take responsibility for the baby that he didn't want but he is a bad person for taking responsibility for the baby that he does want? I don't understand that. The man that Scenario B is based off of never recovered from loosing his child this way. He STILL wonders about what his child would have looked like, what kind of a person he or she would have been. He wonders if he lost a daughter or a son. He told me the other day, during an abortion related discussion, that his baby would have been about 22 now. He wonders what he/she could have done to make this world a better place. He is married now and has 2 beautiful children of his own and he STILL has dreams of three beautiful children. I do not understand why men have NO choice in these matters. Yes it is not their body but the baby is still their responsibility too. I don't know why someone women want to reduce their baby's father to a penis and a child support check.

When I got pregnant with my oldest, I accepted my ex's choice not to be apart of my child's life because he was abusive. However, when I got pregnant with my newborn, I was married. I, in no way, felt like he was "my" baby. He was OUR baby. We are both raising and supporting him. No, I am not saying that the father should have the right to force a woman to have an abortion. However, I do think that he should have the option to stop one, if he is willing to take full custody or find an adoptive family. I also think that he should be allowed to sign away his rights if both parents are willing. I don't think it is right that woman should have all the say but only half the responsibility.

For C, my question is this. Why do some women get so hot about a woman that offers an alternative to abortion? Do you really think that abortion is the right thing for everyone? Why do people act like women who have abortions can go on with their lives like nothing every happened but, when they give their baby up for adoption, they will be forever haunted by the fact that their baby is no longer their baby. I don't know anyone in real life that has had an abortion and does not regret it. My grandmother has an 83 year old friend that had an abortion at 16 and is STILL haunted by it. Only on CafeMom do women insist that they have had 5 abortions and feel don't regret about any one of them. Not long ago, I posted about talking to a teenage girl that wanted to have an abortion because she was afraid that having a baby would mean that she couldn't finish college. I pointed out that I got my BA while I was raising a baby by myself and working full time. I found out later that she changed her mind and opted to raise her baby. I was bashed for showing a different point of view. If I could not council her towards abortion, I should have kept my mouth shut. Because motherhood might be harder on her than it is for some so she should have an abortion.

Just to clarify, I am the adoptive mother in scenario C. Molly is adopted. Her Birth mother does see her and she has told me that she is glad that she chose not to have the abortion. She would have regretted that for her entire life but she doesn't regret letting me adopt.

Anyway, rant over. Sorry if some of my statements don't make sense at the moment. I am ridiculously and freakishly tired right now.


by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:23 AM

BUMP!

Cowgirl_Coyote
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:25 AM

Lol, I was about to jump on my soapbox too but you beat me to it. Speaking of Molly, I think Abby wants another play date. How are you?

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CrimsonEleven
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:29 AM
4 moms liked this
Your scenarios really don't matter. It's her body, so it's her choice as to weather or not she remains pregnant, period. It's not hypocrisy, it's biology.
reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:34 AM
2 moms liked this

Don't you know father's only matter AFTER the baby is born, if then?


I believe FIRMLY that a man should have 12 weeks from the time he finds out about the child, whether it be in pregnancy or after the child is born, to choose to sign away all rights and responsibility. Now this means he can never come back and change his mind. But he should get a choice just like a mother has a choice. 

I can not imagine a situation where I would personally have an abortion, but I also believe every PERSON should have a choice if they want to be a parent. And yes he could have wore a condom, but why are only men responsible for protection? Why is a woman not responsible to protect herself against pregnancy. Carry condoms ladies, and if he won't wear a glove, no love.

reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:41 AM

AS for adoption I will say this. I am adopted. I strongly considered adoption for my youngest child, and my brother and sister in law had a failed adoption after bringing the baby home. I understand all sides to a point. Adoption is wonderful, when done right. When everyone is making an informed decision and not being pressured or pressuring it is an amazing thing. But it's also a loss. I grew up wondering where I came from and who I would have been. Once I found my first mom I saw how much it hurt her. We don't have a relationship now, because she imagined a perfect child all those years and I am not perfect. I disagree with pre-birth matching, especially in private adoption, because of what happened to my brother. They became so close to the birth mom that when she was greiving for her baby my sister in law couldn't stand it and offered her the baby back. I know a lot of situations turn out great, but it's been two years and my brother and his wife still haven't healed. 

reaandiziesmama
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:46 AM

Biologically, it's his baby too. But that doesn't matter right? But if he was the one to want an abortion, she didn't, he would still have to support that child. But if he wanted the baby, she didn't, she can abort and what he wants doesn't matter, even if he was willing to take the baby and raise it without her in any way. It is unfair, at the least. Father's get the shit end of the deal in so many ways.

Here's one for you, woman tells the man she is on birth control, he believes her, and she gets pregnant. He doesn't want the child, doesn't ask her to abort, but just doesn't want to be a father, is it still ok for her to go after support? 

Quoting CrimsonEleven: Your scenarios really don't matter. It's her body, so it's her choice as to weather or not she remains pregnant, period. It's not hypocrisy, it's biology.



CrimsonEleven
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:50 AM
3 moms liked this
No, it doesn't matter. She is the one that is pregnant. It's her body and her choice. That's why he should be using birth control as well, to protect himself from situations like this.

Quoting reaandiziesmama:

Biologically, it's his baby too. But that doesn't matter right? But if he was the one to want an abortion, she didn't, he would still have to support that child. But if he wanted the baby, she didn't, she can abort and what he wants doesn't matter, even if he was willing to take the baby and raise it without her in any way. It is unfair, at the least. Father's get the shit end of the deal in so many ways.

Here's one for you, woman tells the man she is on birth control, he believes her, and she gets pregnant. He doesn't want the child, doesn't ask her to abort, but just doesn't want to be a father, is it still ok for her to go after support? 

Quoting CrimsonEleven: Your scenarios really don't matter. It's her body, so it's her choice as to weather or not she remains pregnant, period. It's not hypocrisy, it's biology.


LeilaBeansMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:54 AM
I think that a man should have a set amount of time to "terminate" his rights to the child, just like a woman has the right to terminate the pregnancy. But it has to be treated like an abortion for the man. The child does not exist to him. If either one does not want the baby, they cannot force the other one to be involved. So he can't force her to carry the pregnancy, she can't force him to be a dad.
Adoption is the "best" answer in a perfect world. But the fact is there is already way too many kids waiting to be adopted. Putting more kids into that system is not going to solve all the problems.
That is why CHOICE is so important.
Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:58 AM

I'm good! How are you? I would kill for a playdate! I need to get out of this house! Call me!

Quoting Cowgirl_Coyote:

Lol, I was about to jump on my soapbox too but you beat me to it. Speaking of Molly, I think Abby wants another play date. How are you?



Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 3:01 AM
2 moms liked this

No, in a perfect world, parenting is the best answer. Both parents should take responsibility and raise their child. Unfortunately, many people don't feel that way so we have the option to murder or give away your child.

Quoting LeilaBeansMom: I think that a man should have a set amount of time to "terminate" his rights to the child, just like a woman has the right to terminate the pregnancy. But it has to be treated like an abortion for the man. The child does not exist to him. If either one does not want the baby, they cannot force the other one to be involved. So he can't force her to carry the pregnancy, she can't force him to be a dad.
Adoption is the "best" answer in a perfect world. But the fact is there is already way too many kids waiting to be adopted. Putting more kids into that system is not going to solve all the problems.
That is why CHOICE is so important.



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