Since it is apparently abortion night here on CafeMom...
I have a couple of serious questions about the hypocrisy of abortion laws. I am not trying to be sarcastic. These scenarios are taken from real life situations that I have seen first hand. One of them actually happened to me.
A man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is pregnant. The man does not want to have a child and demands that she get an abortion. She refuses. The baby is born and she takes him to court for child support. The judge informs the father that, since he fathered the child, he has to take responsibility for the half of her medical bills and pay her $400 a month for child support. He declines his visitation but still has to pay. The father is considered a dead beat. The mother is pitied because she she didn't choose this and she didn't get herself pregnant but her dead beat baby daddy won't help her and now her son is going to have to grow up without a father. After all HE made a baby so HE should have to support it. The man has no choice in the matter.
A man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is pregnant. She does not want to be a mother. She is a college student that doesn't want the responsibility. She wants to sleep until noon and party all night. A baby would just mess all of that up. Why should she give up drinking and smoking pot for 9 months, get fat, and possibly lose her figure? After all, that is what men love about her. She tells the father that she is pregnant and orders that he fork over the money for an abortion. He refuses. He wants to give up partying and sleeping until noon for the joys of poopy diapers and late night feedings. He has is already in love with the "potential life" growing inside of her. He offers to take custody of the baby and completely release her from any parental rights, responsibility, and obligation. She reluctantly agrees and asks for the money to go see an OB/GYN and make sure that everything is ok. He calls a week later to find out what the doctor said and guess what? She took that money and had an abortion without telling him. He is now furious with her. The mother was exercising her rights as a woman to terminate her pregnancy. That poor girl. She felt like she had to tell a lie just to get the money to have an abortion. That man is so insensitive. She wasn't ready to get be a mother. HE got her pregnant. He should have paid for her abortion. It was the least he could have done. The father had no right to try and talk her out of it. It was HER decision to make. It is HER body and HER choice. He shouldn't have a say in it at all.
man and a woman barely know each other but they go out on a date and
end up having sex. A few weeks later, the woman finds out she is
pregnant. She is only 16 and she is soon to be college bound. She worked
so hard to graduate early and now this. Her boyfriend doesn't want any
responsibility. She doesn't want to be a mother. She is faced with two
decisions. She either has an abortion or she gives the baby up for
adoption. She goes to a family friend, her former babysitter and fellow
church member, who is also a young single mother, for advice. She
KNOWS that this friend is anti-abortion. What does the friend do? The
only thing that she feel she can to protect someone she loves and cares
about from making a permanent mistake and to save an innocent life. She
offers to adopt the baby. This isn't something she sought out. She is
struggling as it is, with just one child, but, to prevent an abortion,
she felt like she had do offer. The teenager weighs the pros and cons of
the situation. She talks about it with her mother, pastor, and
boyfriend (the baby's father). In the end, she decides that she doesn't
want to be a mother but she doesn't want an abortion either. She decides
to let the friend adopt the baby. The excited soon-to-be adoptive
mother shares the news on a social network geared towards mothers (three
guesses which one) in a group designed for those affected by adoption
(adoptive parents, potential adoptive parents, birth mothers, and
adoptees). She gets bashed for making the offer. The teenager doesn't
want to be a mother. She had NO right to make that offer and make her
decision even harder. As a friend and as someone that she looks up to
and trusts, she should have just offered her love and support. If she
decided to give the baby up for adoption on her own than great. The
teenager went to her for advice and she didn't need to have pro-life
shoved down her throat. It doesn't matter that this is the teenager's
choice. She would have been able to wipe the slate clean and move on
with her life if it wasn't for the nosy bitch that made the offer. Now
she is going to have HER baby ripped form her arms and given to someone
who is only looking for a baby without any care for the incubator the baby came from. Now she will go through the rest of her
life knowing that her baby is out there somewhere, being raised by
another woman. You heartless bitch. What are you going to do in five years when she comes back and decides she wants her baby back?
For A & B, my question is this. Why is it that the man is expected to take responsibility for the
baby that he didn't want but he is a bad person for taking
responsibility for the baby that he does want? I don't understand that.
The man that Scenario B is based off of never recovered from loosing his
child this way. He STILL wonders about what his child would have looked
like, what kind of a person he or she would have been. He wonders if he
lost a daughter or a son. He told me the other day, during an abortion
related discussion, that his baby would have been about 22 now. He
wonders what he/she could have done to make this world a better place.
He is married now and has 2 beautiful children of his own and he STILL
has dreams of three beautiful children. I do not understand why men have
NO choice in these matters. Yes it is not their body but the baby is still their responsibility too. I don't know why someone women want to reduce their baby's father to a penis and a child support check.
When I got pregnant with my oldest, I accepted my ex's choice not to be apart of my child's life because he was abusive. However, when I got pregnant with my newborn, I was married. I, in no way, felt like he was "my" baby. He was OUR baby. We are both raising and supporting him. No, I am not saying that the father should have the right to force a woman to have an abortion. However, I do think that he should have the option to stop one, if he is willing to take full custody or find an adoptive family. I also think that he should be allowed to sign away his rights if both parents are willing. I don't think it is right that woman should have all the say but only half the responsibility.
For C, my question is this. Why do some women get so hot about a woman that offers an alternative to abortion? Do you really think that abortion is the right thing for everyone? Why do people act like women who have abortions can go on with their lives like nothing every happened but, when they give their baby up for adoption, they will be forever haunted by the fact that their baby is no longer their baby. I don't know anyone in real life that has had an abortion and does not regret it. My grandmother has an 83 year old friend that had an abortion at 16 and is STILL haunted by it. Only on CafeMom do women insist that they have had 5 abortions and feel don't regret about any one of them. Not long ago, I posted about talking to a teenage girl that wanted to have an abortion because she was afraid that having a baby would mean that she couldn't finish college. I pointed out that I got my BA while I was raising a baby by myself and working full time. I found out later that she changed her mind and opted to raise her baby. I was bashed for showing a different point of view. If I could not council her towards abortion, I should have kept my mouth shut. Because motherhood might be harder on her than it is for some so she should have an abortion.
Just to clarify, I am the adoptive mother in scenario C. Molly is adopted. Her Birth mother does see her and she has told me that she is glad that she chose not to have the abortion. She would have regretted that for her entire life but she doesn't regret letting me adopt.
Anyway, rant over. Sorry if some of my statements don't make sense at the moment. I am ridiculously and freakishly tired right now.